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[stanislavsli]

Hi all,
I've not posted before but wondered if there might be someone out there who is having a similar experience to me.

In June this year I got the doctor to do a test and it revealed I have primary ovarian failure. My partner and I had begun the fertility process in January this year and a series of set backs occurred making that impossible. I also lost my dad last year and his anniversary in March hit me really hard.  My partner and I went through a really bad patch amongst it all.  With all that going on, and (unbeknownst to me) my hormones all over the place, I wasn't sleeping or eating and was having several anxiety attacks a day. 

By July I had had a nervous breakdown.  I had time off work, went onto anxiety medication (which I'd previously been on for over 15 years as I have generalised anxiety disorder) and recovered a little over the summer.  I saw a gynaecologist and discussed HRT but don't feel ready to make that decision yet as it's going to mean a lot of years on another medication.

I'm eating and sleeping better, having no anxiety attacks and am feeling generally less on the edge.  But I have this constant empty feeling.  I guess it's probably a general depression: I have no motivation to do anything (although I'm making myself), I don't want to be around anyone, I have no desires or positive emotions.  I feel completely dead inside. 

The logical side of me says it's inevitable after the last few months.  I also wonder how much is my hormones? I just don't feel like myself at all.  I've struggled with anxiety for so many years but I haven't been depressed for a long time.  I guess I need to speak to my doctor about it. I have a terrible habit of saying everything's fine when it's really not. 

Does this sound familiar to anyone? 

[CLKD]

You are in mourning.  What happened after your Dad died, think about your relationship with him and how enabled you felt with him/not.  My Mum didn't allow Dad to have a relationship with me 

Empty is fine.  ...... and breath.  HORMONES  plus bereavement can really put a toll on our relitionships and feelings.  Did you consider a meeting with a CRUSE Counsellor yet?  Do give your local Group a ring and see what the waiting list is.  Run by the bereaved, for the bereaved.

How old are you and how are your periods?  Maybe keep a daily mood/food/symptom diary as a focus to chart feelings, something to take to your GP or Practice Nurse. 

HRT does what it says on the tin.  It is replacement for what our bodies lack and for some it helps enormously.  It really can be Trial and Error though.  Did you get a list from the Gynae of products to try, if so put the names into the Search box here.  Make notes!

[BlueButterfly]

Hi welcome.

I'm so sorry to hear everything you've been dealing with. That's a lot of grief and struggles. It's no wonder that you feel the way you do now. You've been through a lot.
Yes, hormones can definitely make all that worse.

As CLKD said, empty is fine right now. Sounds like you are doing well getting back on the right track with everything and it might take some time.

[Snoooze]

 

I suffered a bereavement and my peri menopause was diagnosed not long after. So you're therefore still dealing with grief while dealing with the menopausal symptoms. I remember wondering if feeling like I didn't want to socialise and feeling like I just wanted to be alone all the time was down to my grief or down to the menopause. Years on, I feel I have moved on from my grief but I still have the feelings of wanting to be alone. I do feel I have changed a lot. I was once quite a happy, bubbly person who laughed a lot. Now I feel like I'm just a miserable person who want to be alone and can't really be bothered to do anything! I do hope that eventually I will get the old me back but from what I've read on meno, this is quite a common feeling.

[stanislavsli]

Thanks a lot for your replies.  It's such a stress not knowing what's the hardest part of it all because I don't know which part to deal with. I have had some grief counselling but so many other things came up I felt like I was wasting his time.  I might pursue it again. My partner is a very strong character and thinks everything should be ok by now.  She likes to deal with things and move on.  She tends to think I'm dwelling on things. 😏

[BlueButterfly]

Thanks a lot for your replies.  It's such a stress not knowing what's the hardest part of it all because I don't know which part to deal with. I have had some grief counselling but so many other things came up I felt like I was wasting his time.  I might pursue it again. My partner is a very strong character and thinks everything should be ok by now.  She likes to deal with things and move on.  She tends to think I'm dwelling on things. 😏

Hubby is like that with me as well, but really, we each have our own way and time that we need to heal from things and it can't be rushed. That never helps. I do just have to remind hubby about his 3-4 year battle with depression and how he couldn't just snap out of it so he needs to be patient with me. Usually keeps him quiet...for a few weeks anyways. 

It is a hard balance to know what caused what problem. I think you just had so many things happening at once and with the hormone changes it is really hard to know. Same situation for me. I had a lot of stress and issues going on around the time everything started so it's trying to figure out what to treat first. Good luck and hope you get feeling better soon.

[Kathleen]

Hello stanislavsli and welcome to the forum.

I'm so sorry that you've suffered so much and you have my sympathy.

I can't offer any practical help I'm afraid but a long time ago a friend of mine was feeling overwhelmed and his GP pointed out that he had simply endured too much for too long. He was able to get the help he needed and has been happy and well ever since so don't give up, there is hope.

Wishing you well and sending hugs.

K.

[Emerald2017]

Hi! I was in the same boat a year ago. I was feeling depressed and empty, without motivation for life...almost suicidal. I am 42.
After a year on hrt I feel normal again, my sex life is great, I can go on my career and my training. Our body has an incredible capacity to adjust to different hormonal states and our mind plays a huge role.

[CLKD]

Print off 'hints for husbands' from here and hand over stanisslavsi - lots of hints on what is happening which may improve who she feels.

If you need counselling you are not wasting anyone's time, it is up to them to accommodate your needs.  Do contact CRUSE in your area for advice.

It's The Change - we don't go back to who we were but once we adjust, we can move forwards.  It takes effort ..........

[stanislavsli]

Thank you again for your replies.  I feel a lot less alone reading your kind messages.