CKLD - I know the blank space feeling all too well. At it's worst that takes over.
D666 - Sorry was going to reply sooner but been laid up all day with a migraine. I understand the feeling of shame, and know it only too well. I got fed up recently with what is, I feel, an internalisation of all the negative views around women and ageing and have started to be open with close friends about why i'm Not working and how devastated I am by it.
I am the type to push through with most illness if I have to, but you can't push through genuinely being unable to think straight or remember critical info. At the moment the more I push my brain the more the fog descends and the memory fails. I wonder if you are in a position to take a bit of time off whilst you tackle the hrt/testosterone angle. Someone put this to me on these boards and it was like a weight lifting. Menopause can cause real disability and I think the shame felt around it and the myth it is a ‘natural' process we should just struggle through does all those women going through hell with it a horrible disservice. You are withdrawing from oestrogen and that can play havoc.
Re finding help with this, I looked up gynaecologists who practice privately as well as on the nhs on google, searching for someone near me who dealt with my issues. To be honest I first went to her for endometriosis, (unless you are utterly bed ridden with endo it's hard to get care on the nhs) but have since seen her to manage hrt as she's really nice. The only down side is scandalously health insurance won't pay for the hrt bit as it's a ‘natural process'. I bet they don't say that to men about prostate cancer. She has since told me I can get referred through to her on the nhs if I ask my gp. My gp said generally they don't refer people on for hrt unless there is a complication. In my case the endometriosis means I may qualify. I believe there are menopause clinics on the nhs but don't know much about this.
I am scared of trying hrt again but know I need to. The last attempt was a disaster, so going to try a different type. I feel like I have to find a solution so just need to keep throwing what I can at it till something sticks.
Had to come back to edit this again as once again forgot (no brain) to say, huge congrats on becoming a chartered engineer. I know the must currently feel bitter sweet. I look back at the person who got my recent qualification and think was that really me and will I ever be her again, but we have to believe we will be back to where we were.
