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[Spangles]

Hi ladies,

Not sure if I'm posting in the right section.
I'm going through a bit of a rough time at the moment.
Mood started to dip during period, (middle of last week) then my mother in law was taken sick 1 week ago.
She had emergency surgery to remove a tumor, however it has spread an it wasn't possible to remove it all and she is vey I'll.
I do react badly to situations like this, I've been a mess since finding out, however I feel very anxious to the point where my stomach is upset and burning, I feel like depression is starting again, (really hope not). As usual my other half is handling it better than me and it's his mum not mine! Actually I feel quite useless.
Any advice, I'm not wanting to do taking therapies.
Thanks
Shellb
xXx

[Daisydot]

Hi Shellb what a Shame your poor stomach will be tied up in knots with this stress that's such a natural process,we can't all be heroes it's the same here my husband takes everything in his stride I'm the opposite and really suffer.
I had a wee doctor in Spain who told me the reason my ibs was so bad was because I was stressed and was twisting my bowel and he gave me sedatives to take along with buscopan.
All you can do is visit her and do your bit but switch off when you get home,keep yourself occupied so your not focussing on her get out and about go to lunchtime bingo or something,do distraction therapy like this it works for me.you could try meditation apps like calm.meantme keep posting here it does so much good to get this out of your head and sharing it here is the best therapy you could get.good luck xx

[Spangles]

Thanks Daisydot,
Never thought of the buscopan and I have two boxes hear!i have headspace app so I may do some later. It is a difficult situation, I've lost grand parents when I was younger and aunts and uncles but never someone so close, my other half lost his father years ago so he has been their before. I just feel horrible.
xXx

[Daisydot]

Don't dwell on it Shellb just handle what comes along and remember grief is also a natural process so regardless of how close or not you are it's still a lot to deal with.
I've lost so many of  my family this last ten years I thought at one stage I can't take any more death I even lost my little dog but When my mum passed away I thought I'd never stop crying and even now I'm lost without her but I have younger family I have to be strong and support them so I suppose that's a kind of distraction therapy in itself but sometimes it feels a bit unfair,I can't grieve like I should if you get me.
Hopefully it won't come to that and she'll pull through so think positive and most importantly times a great healer,you grieve then life goes on I'm afraid.xx

[Spangles]

I know Daisy,
I just don't deal with it well, I always fear my depression returning and I don't think I could deal with that again. I suppose it's just the way I'm made ey.
As for pulling through, the prognosis is not good as the cancer is very aggressive and has only been their for 6-8 weeks. If they offer any treatment it's going to be at least two weeks before it can start due to the major surgery she is recovering from. As there is still cancer inside because they couldn't remove it all it will still be growing so it's just an awful waiting game I'm afraid.
I did forget my AD yesterday so that doesn't help.
I'm trying to be positive though and I do have to be strong for my partner and my son.
Thank you for listening.
xXx

[Daisydot]

How sad poor lady.the only thing I can add is that you have time now to accept whatever happens so you'll be prepared for it and you might surprise yourself.its amazing the reserves of inner strength we have when we least expect it.when my mum passed I'd no time no warning she'd fallen at home and been admitted to hospital I was living in Spain and had booked a flight for the next week,I didn't get back in time she passed away I've never forgiven myself for not being with her,I thought she'd be here forever even yet I go to phone her and remember,it's hard but I have such happy memories of her I just try and focus on them.
You'll get through this and you have your husband so all you can do is support each other and hope she has a compassionate time with no pain.xx

[Spangles]

Oh Daisy how awful for you, I can only imagine how you feel.your words mean so much to me right now.
Thank you xXx

[CLKD]

The gut is the 2nd brain and reacts!  It's my weak spot and I have an emergency anti-anxiety tablet to take when anxiety hits.  Knowing that it's normal doesn't help the symptoms.   

The important thing is for your Mum to be kept pain free.  You should find support with Macmillan or Marie Curie Nurses so might be worth contacting both Charities to see what is available for your Mum and yourself. 

   nibble as much as you can: dry biscuits, mixed fruits and nuts - anything that 'layers' the stomach.

[Spangles]

Thanks CLKD,
It's not my mum it's my mum-in-law. I am eating a little I'm less than 8st so can't afford for my stomach to be upset.
xXx

[CLKD]

Shock can take a while to settle.  What support is your M-in-L getting?

Graze?  If you are able to .........

[Spangles]

Hi Ladies,
Update on my M-I-L, she passed away on Thursday. Short illness of 5.5weeks. It's been emotional and we still have funeral etc. My darling OH is really low as to be expected, I feel so useless as I just don't know what to do for him. I'm supporting him the best I can but he prefers to be left alone. We are both back at work tomorrow after a week off. Thanks for all of your support, it means so much.
Love
Spangles
xXx

[Daisydot]

Morning spangles I'm so sorry for your loss.You can't do any more than your doing now just being there is the important thing and knowing when to give him space.sadly the hard bits yet to come with the funeral but mentally you've already said your goodbyes so just think of the funeral day as just that could of hours where you have to go through that process and help and support the family through it and it will pass easier then life goes on,it has to,we've all been there and know and understand your pain.
In the meantime rest as much as you can and just spend quiet time together and when he's ready to talk just be there for him,it's awful hard on men losing their mums I felt so bad for my husband and all his brothers they were so attached you could feel their pain.
Take care of yourself you'll get through this xx

[CLKD]

A little hug occasionally may be all that your OH requires.

[Spangles]

Hi Ladies,
I'm feeling rubbish at the moment, my PMT is raging, mood swings, irrational thinking, sore boobs, etc.
We have my MIL's funeral on Friday, (Thursday night in church too). I thought I would be OK to read in church but now I'm feeling anxious about it. My OH is just quiet and understandably snappy, I just hope I can hold it all together on the day, any tips?
Spangles
xXx

[Spangles]

Hi Jeaniewigs,
Thanks so much for your kind words, it means a lot to me. Hopefully we will feel better after and yes the hormones can do one. Easier said than done!
Thanks
Spangles
xXx