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[Cezmay]

Afternoon Ladies

I am currently going through the menopause at the young age of 41.
I am taking a low dose contraceptive to help with night sweats and protection of bones and the obvious, pregnancy.

I am booking an appointment to see my gp who is also a gynaecologist.
I am really struggling with low self esteem, depression, confidence, weight gain, lack of concentration, no interest in anything,etc etc.
But the most important is how it is effecting my marriage.
I'm horrible to my husband, one day I'm nice the next I'm psycho woman and pushing him away.
I was wondering if anyone had tried antidepressants and found they worked better! Or HRT is the way to go.
I'd like a little advice before going to Drs with my understanding husband.
Advice really appreciated 😊
He has been very understanding. But I can no longer cope with the person I have become.

[CLKD]

Print off the 'advice for husbands' which Emma has bounced.  Hand it over.

Maybe have a buzz word that he can yell as he leaves the room ;-).  This too will pass.  As long as he is aware that in the main, your anger etc. isn't his fault [thought sometimes it may be  ] he won't be confused!

Read round the treatment pages above.

Maybe contact the Daisy web-site - details above.

It's not called "The Change" for nowt 

[Dancinggirl]

Hi and welcome to MM Cezmay

I had a premature meno and it can be tough - it is far more common than you might think.   I would personally not try ADs until you have tried alternative hormonal treatments, as I suspect you are suffering PMT from the BCP. You haven't told us which BCP you are on?  Is it a combined BCP with both oestrogen and progesterone? I'm afraid a standard low dose BCP is probably not what you need right now.   There are new BCPs available which are better in peri meno - one of them is called Qlaira - and this contains bio identical oestrogen which would possibly be better for you - so definitely ask about trying that. 

The other alternative that may be a good option for you would be to have a Mirena fitted and then use oestrogen as gel or patch alongside. This will give you the contraceptive as well as protection for you womb lining and you can then use as little or as much oestrogen as you need to help all your symptoms.  You may find this combination would help your mood as well, as PMT is often a symptom of peri meno because of the hormonal fluctuations and the Mirena delivers the progesterone more locally and therefore giving fewer progesterone side effects like PMT.

You are coming to terms with a lot right now - as CKLD has said, do get your husband to read the section on this site for husbands as this can really help.
Lifestyle choices are very important when meno hits, so have a good look at your diet - so small meals often that are high in nutrients but cut out as much sugar as possible.  Eating small meals regularly helps to stabilise mood - try grabbing a few cashew nuts between meals to keep you energy and blood sugar at a good level. Eating a high sugar diet gives terrible low mood and tetchiness.  EXERCISE - do try doing 2-3 brisk 10 minute walks each day at the very least - if you can go swimming or do dance classes that is also great. Learn relaxation techniques - many of us love Mindfulness and find this great in so many ways.
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF - treat yourself kindly and do things you enjoy - if you are feeling bad tempered and grouchy, then do something you enjoy to lift your mood or get some task done that will make you feel you have achieved something. Take time to look after your hair and skin - walk tall and take time over you clothes so you feel you look your best.

It can be difficult to hold onto ones confidence - so many on this forum will relate to how you feel.
Before you see your GP, write down all you symptoms and how you are feeling, write down all your questions as well - this will help to make the appointment go well.  Ask about the Qlaira and maybe other options but DON'T try ADs yet as these will just make you feel numb. DG x

[Emerald2017]

Things will be better with time!
I was very depressed and almost suicidal when I diagnosed a year ago at 41.
 Hrt made a huge difference for me and I am like my old self again.
It takes time, I am on hrt for a year and I look and feel me again.
Try not to worry so much! 💐

[Wilks]

Hi,
Great advice in the comments above. Menopause experts recommend that you get your hormones sorted as the “first port of call” with low mood/ mood swings caused by hormones. That may be enough to sort it out.
Having said that, it wasn't enough to sort me out so I'm on HRT and fluoxetine which together are helping me stay afloat! x

[Goingmad2020]

Hi I’m 53 . Have a history of bereavement lost my husband and mum within 5 months so am now alone. Now I have the worst menopause ever with what I counted 66 symptoms. It’s pushing me over the edge. Have the worst panic and anxiety I’ve ever had in my life . Ringing ears that disturbs me. No sleep all night. Feel suicidal. Have not had a period for 9 months. Gp mis diagnosed me and end up in a psych ward which pumped me full of sertraline which hasn’t helped. Can’t function. I’m a Reiki master and was due to re sit my acupuncture exam in August this year but feel extremely ill and hopeless. Help ! Tried 4 synthetic hrts which didn’t agree with me . Any advice 😭😭

[sheila99]

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad and so sorry for your loss. Maybe tell us which ones you've tried, the dose and what happened with each? We're  they cyclical or continuous? Usually it's the progesterone that's the problem so using cyclical on a long cycle may give you more good time. My worst symptoms were anxiety and insomnia so I know how hard it is. Remember the samaritans are there 24/7 if you're feeling desperate.

[Mogster71]

Oh poor you, I'm so sorry you have lost your loved ones  Experiencing all those symptoms of menopause will be making you feel rotten, especially lack of rest. Don't write the HRT off completely yet, it can take several false starts before you land on the right thing - as Sheila99 says let us know a bit more about what you've tried and how you reacted. I have a rough time with most progesterone as do many other ladies.

Mog x

[CLKD]

Morning. Sorry for your losses. MayB contact CRUSE - support run by bereaved for the bereaved.  A place to talk and off load.  Somewhere that you don't have to hold feelings inside.

Some find that keeping a mood/food/symptom diary useful, to chart progress.  Anxiety can be caused by hormonal upheaval but appropriate medication can help.  Either anti-depressants with an anti-anxiety medication daily or the latter as necessary.

It can take a while for drugs to kick in, whether it's HRT or others.  It took 5 goes B4 I found an AD that didn't make me feel sick.  That was in the late 1980s and hey presto, eventually.  But it was soul destroying. 

MayB put the names of the drugs tried thus far into the search box here: one at a time to see what pops up? and make notes.  Knowing how others have fared really can help. 

I agree - have the Samaritans number to hand, MIND Charity are also very supportive via e-mail.  Do tell your Dr or Nurse how you feel, the NHS IS open for business.  Do you have someone close by that could phone for you, when very ill I wasn't able to advocate for myself.