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[Jennie]

Not sure where to post this .
 .My 96 year old mother is dying at home and the family are caring for her . Since my menopause I'm quite emotional and tear up easily.I find now that my eyes fill up when talking to medical staff about my mother or if people are kind to me saying how sorry they are .....I feel so foolish....
I'm also worried that after she dies I'll meet different groups of friend during the week and they will all say kind things and how sorry they are ..and I'll just be crying all the time ..feeling embarrassed.
I know it's normal to show emotion at such a time but some people can be strong and accept the kind words without crying.I know Mum has had a good life and lived to a great age but still it's painful. Im crying writing this but feel I need some advice.

[Lady Daviot]

Hi Jennie, you are in control of your emotions and it is always better to let things out. Can I suggest that if you find yourself welling up, then just tell people that you find it hard to stifle your emotions, they will understand. Also maybe a journal might be an avenue for you to write down your inner thoughts and some counselling because it is a grief and whilst your Mum has the support of the family and medical staff, you also need TLC and care. Be kind to yourself, don't worry about other people's thoughts, if you need to shed some tears then, yes try and do this privately but don't feel bad at all if they come when you are talking about Mum. Sending you a big hug xxxx

[Kathleen]

Hello Jennie and sorry to hear your sad news.

I think we deal with grief differently according to our age. I was thirty one when my mother died and I coped during the funeral but when I went to look at the floral tributes I suddenly found myself rooted to the spot and couldn't move my legs.

 I hope you will take comfort from the fact that you are allowed to cry just as others are allowed not to cry, there are no rules and we respond to each situation as we find it,  time changes us all.

Wishing you well and sending hugs.

K.

[CLKD]

You will manage.  What is important that people don't cross the road because *they* don't know what to say.  If you need to cry, then do so.  Carry a box of Kleenex, hand it to your friend and tell them "I may need to share this with you because ..... "

I went to a couple of funerals after New Year, I was Ok at one until my cousin blew me a kiss.  She didn't know we were going to be able to attend and I dissolved.  It was OK!

Is your Mum getting support?  If MacMillan or Marie Curie are involved, they will provide support to the family as part of their commitment to their client.

 

[Daisydot]

Hi Jennie when I lost my mum my world caved in and I thought I'd never stop crying but you will.crying is like a safety mechanism we all need it and if you think of what it would like to just bottle all that grief and fear up you'd be in a much worse place.embrace your tears and stuff public opinion just make sure you have a good supply of hankies and you'll get through this people are kinder than you think and won't judge you we've all been there.My mum would have been 100%behinf me and said don't you bottle it up let it go,I'll bet yours is the same.be kind to yourself xx

[CLKD]

If Nature didn't want us to cry, She wouldn't have given us feelings 

[Jennie]

Thank you everyone for your advice and kind words it is much appreciated x

[Machair]

Dear Jennie,

 I have just lost my Mum. She was 85 and she died peacefully in her sleep after a long illness and her funeral was just before Christmas. You must allow yourself time to grieve and time to feel these sad thoughts, as through this you will cope and you will be able to get through this. Don't be frightened it is all so normal and you will be able to do things you never thought you could.
Sending you lots of love and hugs.xx

[Jennie]

Thank you Machair x

[Salad]

If Nature didn't want us to cry, She wouldn't have given us feelings 

Love this CLKD, pretty much sums up what I was thinking reading Jennie's heart felt post.

I know it's difficult to change how you feel Jennie but please try not to feel foolish or embarrassed as your tears are not a sign of weakness but of the strength of love you have for your mum.

 

[Emerald2017]

Not sure where to post this .
 .My 96 year old mother is dying at home and the family are caring for her . Since my menopause I'm quite emotional and tear up easily.I find now that my eyes fill up when talking to medical staff about my mother or if people are kind to me saying how sorry they are .....I feel so foolish....
I'm also worried that after she dies I'll meet different groups of friend during the week and they will all say kind things and how sorry they are ..and I'll just be crying all the time ..feeling embarrassed.
I know it's normal to show emotion at such a time but some people can be strong and accept the kind words without crying.I know Mum has had a good life and lived to a great age but still it's painful. Im crying writing this but feel I need some advice.

Hi Jennie! It's absolutely normal to express your feelings in a such a difficult phase of your life! People will not judge you for it! My mum is 67 years old and when I have a thought of loosing her I feel in despair! I said to her yesterday that I love her so much and that she is beautiful and I started crying. My meno makes me too sensitive and to empathetic sometimes. 🌹

[Donna-paul]

I totally understand what you are going through I got told last Aug when my mum was in hospital critically ill that she hadn't got years  only weeks/months. I went into a total hormonal melt down I was struggling before but you don't cope with things like you would normally do when you so hormonal. It's one of the the most difficult times of your life for some woman and you have your children flying your nest your parents aging and maybe losing them and you have your hormones all over the place. My mum is still here sadly in a care home and so frail and when the phones rings I'm always wondering if it's it! I'm tearful writing this it just gets you sometime but I believe you grieve more when you watching them suffer and waiting. I did with my dad 9 years ago and it was a relief as he was not suffering anymore though I miss him everyday. Take a day at a time x

[Shadyglade]

Cry now, that really is best for you.  I barely cried after my mother died and it hit me like a ton of bricks later.  Now I often get teary for no apparent reason and Mum went nearly 2 and a half years ago.

Let it out.

[CLKD]

I'm usually OK at the time then 6-8 months later, I dissolve, usually something totally unrelated!

Tnx Salad.

[Snoooze]

I say cry all you want. Everyone deals with grief differently. When my father died, my sister made a hurtful remark to me as after a few days I was still crying and she thought I was being stupid!

Even reading sympathy cards would make me cry. I found it hard when friends phoned me or spoke to me but it does get better. I didn't work at the time my Dad died...I would have found that hard going back to work and everyone saying they were sorry etc but I wouldn't worry in the slightest about getting upset...let it out I say.