This is a bit of a story, so please excuse me if it seems long.
Mum met a young man through her Church. They started seeing each other, with my grandparents permission, however they were kept a sharp eye on.
At 17, they became engaged. It was 1939. He was already in the Royal Navy. They married in October 1941, she was 19.
She'd have liked a family, but he refused. Why? Because he felt that if anything happened to him, she'd be better able to remake her life if she didn't have a child. A tremendously brave decision. He came back from war, his health destroyed. Mum slowly watched the man she adored start to die, one little bit at a time. Then for most who contracted TB, it was a death sentence. It finally took him in 1947. They had been married for 6 years and had not spent too much of those years together.
In 1961, she and my Daddy married. They had 20 years and 21 days together. She told me years later a story about her wedding ring. Her first husband was at sea and told her to get her wedding ring. Her Mum went too. The shop owner who sold her the ring told her that ring would last her 2 lifetimes. When she and my Daddy were getting engaged he didn't have much money. She put a suggestion to him. Would he be comfortable if she married him with her original wedding ring. He agreed. His ring for her is beautiful. The shop owners prediction came true.
Mum told me that although she has been widowed twice, both her husbands hard been true and honest gentlemen. Very different in character, but she knew she had been fortunate in both her marriages. She had loved and been loved by two amazing men.
A week before my DH and I were to marry, we were at Mum's. To his surprise she came out with the following:
S, have you really thought about the vows you are going to make? Those are not to me, the congregation or society. They are to C and are before God. If you haven't given them serious thought, you must not marry C, because I know she has really thought about the vows.". He was able to tell her he had given them serious thought. Mum was happy about that.
We married because, for us, there was no other path we wanted to walk. The previous Sunday we invited all who would like to share our ceremony with us, please to so. When I entered the Church on the arm of a very good friend, I was astonished, the Church was full to standing room only.
Our main reception was a lovely meal. DH's sister acted as our Mistress of Ceremonies, his brother was Best Man. My bridesmaid was a friend.
The evening celebration caused some confusion to some of our friends and family. My Daddy had died in 1981. I was very close friends with a wonderful couple. Mum asked if I' like him to give me away. A lovely idea. He was as proud walking me down the aisle as he had been his own daughter. Mum has never been one for discos, so his wife did the Mother of the Bride bit in the evening.
DH's parents have been married for 58 years, they have 3 children. All 3 married. We and their daughter and SIL celebrated our 25th anniversaries last year. Their younger son and DIL celebrated their 21st anniversary this year. MIL laughed when I said to her they must have done something right!
For some, marriage is a path they don't wish to take. I believe that choice should be respected. Couples I know who choose not to marry have longer lasting and stronger relationships than some who put on very expensive shows. Their commitment to each other is beyond question.
Brighteyes
