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[puddlesmum]

Ladies, I've had so much crap since I last signed in I need someone to talk to.

Been having the hormone anxiety problem now for a year and I thought I was coping ok until December last year. My hubby was diagnosed with tongue cancer and had to have an operation in March/April to remove it. Then went on 30 doses of RT. Well all that time I didn't take my BHRT at all as I seemed to cope really well with it by using CBD Oil.

Now he's been discharged, and 1 week before I start ovulating (although to be honest with you I don't think I properly ovulate as I only ever get the egg white stuff once in a blue moon) anxiety started to hit again. Said to my hubby last week "I feel frightened" but I didn't know why.

Well I've been pushing myself to do stuff the last 3 months while supporting him with his cancer, and I think things just got out of hand. Also found out the dietician at hospital was sweet on him, which in essence doesn't worry me in the slightest but just made me feel like a huge fat ugly pig as my confidence is so low.

Now the bloody anxiety has come back. I'm feeling that horrible sense of doom with feelings of depersonalisation. I also had to put one of my dogs to sleep last Friday and I cried like a baby when I said to do it like I'd lost control.  What the hell is going on!  I've changed my CBD Oil now to another one, and started back on my BHRT (just 1 squirt of Estrogel and a smidge of Testim) and I'm keeping the hell away from Progesterone as that's horrendous and all it does is make me think about suicide it's that bad.

All I want is someone to tell me it will all be ok and this won't go on forever. I just feel like it's a never ending struggle and it shouldn't be like this, I've got all my ADs, the oil, the vitamins and minerals yet stil the hormones are playing up and making me feel like a beast. I've just had enough of fighting all the time.

Jackie x

[Cazikins]

Have a big hug Jackie 
I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling low right now but reading your post I am not surprised.
It sounds like you have been through the mill. I am so sorry your husband had cancer & I hope he makes a full recovery.

Now it is time to look after yourself.

I can't offer any advise regarding your symptoms but I just wanted to let you know that someone has read your post, & I'm sure others will be along soon with advise & more hugs.

Cazikins x

[ellie]

  sorry no advise, just lots of hugs x

[robotwars]

HI I have no advice , but I do understand the hormone blues as I just cant shift them and don't know what to do about it!!!!
so just wanted to say "here is a hug and I hope your hubby makes a full recovery and you start to feel a little better soon"

[Salad]

You have so much going on at the moment Puddlesmum (Jackie) 

Sorry to hear of your husband's cancer - my brother had surgery for tongue cancer 20 years ago when he was 37. Dreadful to go through but he's been fine ever since.
Then to lose a beloved pet, no wonder you're heartbroken.

Anxiety makes you feel awful but at least you've recognised it and it won't be like this forever. Have you discussed with your GP what support you might need?

I'm no expert but one squirt of Oestrogel is a low dose, would you consider increasing it to two?

[daisysareyellow]

Hi Puddlesmum
Hubby had cancer and your dog died. That's a lot to cope with right there!!!! No wonder you feel bad. I was sad to read your comments about yourself. I have had a few health issues. I always try to take each day as it comes. Don't think ahead too much and just make a plan to get through each day. Try and do something you enjoy each day too. My little treat is to go to the local cafe and have a nice coffee. If you have felt suicidal, consider that some AD's actually contribute to that and maybe you need your medication looked at with fresh eyes.

[puddlesmum]

Awww you Ladies are so lovely. Even replying to me has made me feel a little better.

I coped amazingly well my hypnotherapist has said, mind you she is amazing so couldn't have done it without her. Cancer was my trigger too. But I handled it all like a pro. Then they discharge him and I fall apart.

I think it's got to be the fact I got cocky. Had been feeling amazing, then last week needed to work longer hours, so drank lattes like they were going out of fashion. Stayed on the net till 3am, up at 8am. Then course this week... I should have reigned it in. I was just so excited that he'd been discharged and I could drink coffee again. I can't I had been on hot chocolates, green tea and water for 3 months.

I've actually been thinking if I can get anything in conjunction with Seroxat as I'm terrified of coming off it know the side effects are so bad.

Plus I upped it to 2 pumps of Estrogel today. Can't wait for it to kick in again. I forgot to take it and then thought I was over it, so stopped taking it. I'm just so daft.

I got some hemp tea yesterday (By god its disgusting) and some dutch CBD oil (it gets a better review for anxiety) so trying those too. I just want it to finish now. I've had it now for 11 years, I think enough is enough.

Does the anxiety get worse the nearer to menopause? Oh I hope so, I really do as I can hang on for that if it's nearly here.

Jackie xx

[Cazikins]

Try & slow down, let your body & mind catch up with what's been happening Jackie.
I know we all want to get back to how things were but sometimes it's not that easy so take one day at a time.

I have had to adjust my expectations in life & realise I am not going to be the same woman I was 5 years ago (damn it  ), I mean I'd like to be but can't so I am going with the flow a bit more & trying not to get too upset about things.

Really hope things settle soon for you & please keep on posting so we all know how you are getting on.

Cazi x

[Roseneath]

My heart goes out to you Jackie. I can say all the things that are ment to help; keep busy, go for a swim, practise the Mindfullness but when you are in the grip of an anxiety cycle I find this all goes out the window. Maybe try a different GP, put an appointment for next week in the diary & then just try and get through the next 24 hours. (My GP told me it is common to have months delay from the stressful event to when you are ' hit' by it - this happened to me earlier in the year, I got through a terrible family episode then wham 6 weeks later I have crippling anxiety and insomnia. Keep in mind it may be nothing to do with your hormones though and I am learning that the chemical options for treating anxiety are different. Small tip but ditch the caffeine and go with the Camomile or Green tea.

[puddlesmum]

I think that's probably what's happened. Like a delayed reaction.  But I don't like it   Mind you, I do sleep a bit better when I get anxious but that's simply because I make sure I turn all technology off an hour before bed and have a hemp tea (tastes absolutely disgusting but really relaxes you) and 10mg of Melatonin, so I'm hoping the better sleep, the more my body can mend itself.

I'm about 6/10 today with anxiety so it's gone down a little but I can't wait for hypnotherapy again Tuesday s I get a whole hour to myself where I can just work through things, or just relax which is amazing.

If only I could go out for a walk, or swim but I'm housebound due to the agoraphobia I have these days. I'm trying to lose weight again (as I felt fab when I lost weight) and just trying to do good things for my body. I think with my hubby being down because of he's in pain with his mouth since the cancer was removed, then the RT which blew it up like a balloon has drained me. Just time to concentrate on me at the moment I think.

xxxx