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[CLKD]

Put foot down with firm hand!

Did you have the discussion about help around the house?  It would never have crossed my mind to invite anyone to visit me at my parents' place  other than to a birthday party. 

[Butterfly22]

Me to as I would of got a real telling off, and to have them all stay with the dog! I think they would of kicked me out as well as the visitors. Xx

[Evelyn63]

Mamma is this the same daughter that you rang to come over and support you the night you had the dreadful panic attack ?  If so, then this makes her behaviour even more unacceptable as she is fully aware of how you have been feeling , yet still went ahead on path of destruction fuelled by alcohol .   I hope when you have peace and quiet, you can calmly read what you have written and ask yourself , what would I advise others to do in this situation   Sadly I think trying to reason with your daughter won't cut it, and for your own health and sanity and to be able to continue to support your grandchild you need to step back and set up some boundaries both to help you and to help your daughter. You say daughter is borderline and this is better behaviour for her, is she getting any help ??  I'm so sorry you had to endure this, bad enough coping with the guests from hell when you are in top form, but on top of withdrawal from steroids and coping with HRT its a nightmare.

[CLKD]

Is your daughter aware of being 'borderline'?

[MammaG]

Ohh yes, she is aware. Evelyn it is the same girl. 

I know I have been well and truly taken advantage of. I am not this easy to use usually. It happens when I am sick.

With a chest infection, lupus flare, off the back of steroids and a week off work sick, she talks me into having the child for almost a week. She called me when I had the child dumping all over me about how hard her life is. Then I broke!

She did clean a bit yesterday and I asked her to hoover. 8pm she picked that hoover up and said she had a bad back. She would only do upstairs which is effectively 1 sitting room. She will not move. She has grown past  200lbs at 5.3 "as she will not move at all for hours except to get up and eat.

They stayed last night and I am working from home. I just asked her to strip the bed. "Not now I wont. I will do it later" and sat down again. There is simply no point in confronting her as she becomes aggressive verbally.

I feel better off the hormones

[MammaG]

There is no help Evelyn. I have dealt with this since she was 10. I am usually well boundaried . If I have a lupus flare she seems to hone in and start taking advantage. I dont see as I am so sick. I have not had such anxiety since having her 27yrs ago. I would never ever call her for help but the other night I had her child and had no idea how bad it could get. It was all a perfect storm I guess with the illness and hormones, stress and fatigue.

I am getting hot flushes but the anxiety is under control and a hint of what it was. Thanks so much for being there guys. Its helped me so much

[MammaG]

Hi ladies, they eventually went home last night. I miss the little one. My daughter dragged her heels about helping put my house back together. It is still a mess. Little one was flumping cushions trying to help bless her. She does it because she loves me. I dont even ask her.

Daughter said I could have little one this weekend if I was going to miss her so much. Can you believe it  She just does not see me.

Daily I feel calmer. I really did get the fright of my life with the intrusive thoughts but need to hang on to the reality of the situation. It was 80% hormones and 10% fatigue. I will try to get a rest this weekend and get to the meno clinic before starting again I think with the HRT. This was a serious imbalance. Dont think I could stand another episode like that. I am scared to have the little one now alone. Will take a while to recover from the fear .

Thanks so so much for being out there everyone. I think you saved me from going over the edge

[MicheleMaBelle]

Hang on in there mama G- if you don't get better, you'll be little use to your lovely little granddaughter so look after you're self first and foremost and see you granddaughter in little manageable chunks so you both benefit. Don't let yourself be put upon by your daughter.
Your granddaughter sounds like a lovely little poppet.

   

[CLKD]

Did you have PND?

[MammaG]

Yes both pre an post natal depression. Thats why I thought the Progesterone was the issue. I got very agitated when pregnant and fearful but when I gave birth my body broke. I was so thin, even when I was due with this tiny bump. I ate all day. I was stitched to high heaven and my then husband left me alone and when he was there he wasnt emotionally available. I felt more alone with him than without him. I was isolated and started having intrusive thoughts.

Fast forward 27yrs and I am in an almost identical situation. I am isolated with the job. My illness stops me from having friends as I cant keep up with people and they often take offence and dissapear. My daughter a lot of the time isnt there for me. I think she is kind of like him inspite of her mental health issues.The other night I had to call her about 20 x to wake her, begged her to come over and she hesitated. I was in a desperate state. Think thats been an eye opener. I have never asked her for help in such a state and she hesitated even though I had had her child for 4 days by then.

I am just thankful that now I know what is going on. I am still feeling the effects of the scare but logically I realise the steroid and the illness ran me down. I should have rested more.  The lack of rest and the hormones must have tipped my mind because before they went in and on at 12am I was mentally more than fine. Back in the day I would have called the doctor and been put in anti depressants I guess.

Without any hormones I am stabalizing but I want to be able to take the HRT. The doctors have refused to check my hormone levels and its been over 2 years. I am concerned that it could happen again.

The whole experience has made me realize I need to tke better care of myself. I was almost late for work today as I slept in. I finished work at 3.30 today and was asleep by 6. My body is exhausted

[Jollidays]

Hi mamma g please take care of yourself, I know everything is not black and white with family relationships. If I could suggest one thing it would be to not try to change a lifetime of how it's been but just take one day at a time doing one nice thing each day. It's exhausting trying to change everything in one go xx

[MammaG]

Thanks Jollidays, I have kind of accepted the status quo with my daughter. I am just less mindful of being taken advantage of when I am so tired. I have stayed alone this weekend to give myself a break and just rest

Did a lot of re- reading about intrusive thoughts. Think I am ok now and know its just thoughts. My reaction was fuelled by the steroids affecting my hormones I am sure but I need to ensure I dont attatch meaning to them and make it a bigger, long term issue.

I made an appointment with GP but couldnt get in until 04/05. I dont hold out much hope but will push for an endo or the meno clinic. Endo may be helpful for Lupus and meno, will try that angle.

Taking bets of being sent away, tail between legs offered SSRI'S or nothing. I think my old Dr indulged me so much and the replacement knows  . I am one of those patients who researches everything. He liked it and it made him giggle. Never went with a problem without the solution. She does't like it 

Been a rough ride. Flushes not too bad now but I am woken 5 or more x through the night to wee. Feel like I have a urine infection. (Will never know)Always slept like a log