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[Yammy1]

Hi all just wondering how to cope at the moment. My Dad sadly passed away on Monday and his funeral is tomorrow. Of course my anxiety has gone through the roof. Left arm pain, uncomfortable chest, churning stomach, headaches to name a few. I know my heart is fine, it's been checked out but my emotions are all over the place and I am trying so hard not to let anxiety win. Any advice would be really appreciated xxxYammy

[Dancinggirl]

Yammy! - So sorry to hear about your father - a very traumatic time.
Anxiety of cause triggers the stomach acid and I'm wondering if all your symptoms are to do with this.  If you get a headache and take pain killers this may make things worse. Have a word with the pharmacist as they might suggest a mild PPI to calm the acid production down (Nexium is good taken each day for a week) and this might make you feel better.  Try to eat small amounts often and divert your mind by reading or watching something funny - if I ‘m feeling stressed or anxious I sometimes find watching some Graham Norton shows on YouTube can really help.  I'm sure your father would want you to feel OK.  Do take care - we're here to support you.
   DG xxxx

[Annie0710]

I'm so sorry for your loss, big hugs to you

All I can offer is having lost both my parents is to ride with your grief, it doesn't matter how soon or how long it takes, just don't fight it

And be kind to yourself xxxxx

[Tempest]

Dear Yammy......

I'm so sorry for your loss. I too lost my Dad whilst I was in perimenopause and just one month before I had my bilateral oopherectomy. Take time to process how you're feeling - let the tears flow as often as you need to and lean on any and all support that you have available. Grief is a process - it takes time.

Lots of deep breathing (I practice 4.7.8. breathing - you can find it on YouTube) helps to calm the anxiety and churning no end. Also 'self soothing' - you can find articles about this on the internet (I use it to help with my CPTSD).

I hope this helps in some small way, and I'm thinking about you at this very difficult time. xxxxx

[coldethyl]

Strangely my anxiety tends to calm down when faced with real anxiety provoking events. All I can suggest is trying to find time for yourself, resting when you can and crying when you need to. I find some simple Mindfulness works- just allowing space for the sadness and anxiety to be there without getting caught up in it and making room for some self-compassion as we are often so busy caring for others at times like these that we forget to care for ourselves. Small meals, even just a healthy snack , little and often are better for settling an anxious stomach - toast and peanut butter, some soup or a sandwich.
This is a difficult time and even without anxiety, it can be tricky so have a big virtual hug and know that we are thinking of you xx

[Menomale]

Hi Yammy, my heart goes out to you and your family. My advice is to take small steps, a day at a time, a minute at a time, listen to your body/mind and let things flow... we're not in control of these things, menopause, death, anxiety, all we can try do do is not to let them take control of us, if that makes any sense...
Coldethyl is right, maybe anxiety is handy when coping with real events. Try to see it as a survival tool.

 

P.S. I don't like taking drugs for anxiety but at these times, they could make a difference.

[CLKD]

Get some Valium from your GP - a short course to help sleep which will ease you into the next day won't hurt.  Did your Dad die suddenly?  I coped when mine died, went to the Service without problems    ......

Wear something warm tomorrow!

[Clare11]

My thoughts are with you Yammy.
I can offer no advice except cry when you need to. It helped me through both of my parents passing.
xx

[Elizabethrose]

Hi Yammy

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I lost my Father very suddenly and unexpectedly many years ago and I felt as if I'd been both physically and mentally assaulted. The pain and despair felt unbearable. But we are hugely resilient, we can cope when we have to. You will run through the full gambit of emotions, despair, terrible sorrow, anger, guilt and so many more: rationale can just disappear in these sad times. However, you will get through this.

Allow yourself time to grieve and don't be embarrassed to do so. Your pain will be palpable but you'll get through, you'll manage. It will take a while but you will gradually realise that you are able to think of the good times you spent together and be able to smile when remembering him.

I send you my love xx

[nearly50]

I feel for you, can only echo what others have said that you should allow yourself to cry. I found it came in waves, with no warning and would catch me when I was least expecting it. The memories you have will be comforting at some point in the future.

[Yammy1]

Thank you all so much for your kind words.dad was 92 and served in the army for 43 years, his friends and comrades gave him the send off yesterday that he deserved. I am surprised at how well I coped. He is with Mam now so although I will miss him with all my heart, I know he is at peace xxx

[Tempest]

Yammy, it must have been a very moving day for you. Well done on coping yesterday. Just hold fond memories of both your Dad and Mam in your heart, these will carry you through - and know that they live on in everything you do as their dear daughter. Much love. xxxxx