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[Tempest]

Oh my goodness, Annie - I remember when I was well into peri menopause (which wasn't acknowledged by my GP 2 years prior to my surgery) that I had some really frightening episodes of strangeness - one was to do with my brother who passed a good few years ago. I REALLY thought I was crazy then as my GP as I said was absolutely adamant that I wasn't in the menopause despite me having had my hysterectomy at 36. It is WELL known that women's ovaries fail earlier after hysterectomy as we very well know ourselves! I think you and I have been through so many similar things, and it's a wonder we have a shred of sanity left really!

I remember your posts from when you were getting scanned and they found that your ovaries were pretty much dessicated and how you had to fight to get even a sniff of Testosterone therapy. We are very delicate and undergoing HUGE physiological and mental changes during this transition period in our lives and we need care, compassion and to be BELIEVED. This is what scars us, and causes more damage to our mental health than anything I think.

We are all remarkable - yes, I have met a few women who have (annoyingly - just because I'm envious) sailed through their menopause but I have also seen so many rummaging through the aisles with a haunted look in Holland and Barrett looking for a magic cure too. I can imagine there are  many, many more who are actually stuck at home in total fear of what the hell is going on with them, having been told by healthcare professionals that it's 'all in their heads '. I DO hope they find us here. This place is a total godsend!

And yes, I enjoy the laughs too - reading these posts has really lifted my spirits when I needed it the most even if I haven't quite felt jolly enough to join in just lately. It makes you feel as if you 'belong'. It's not a tribe we wish to be in necessarily, but what a great tribe we are!

[Annie0710]

You will get there Tempest, I wish our adrenals could be looked at too as apart from our hrt our adrenals must be knackered

Yes the sonographer searched for ages for my ovaries, even took the probe near my kidneys lol !!!

Alas they'd gone, disappeared and left me to fight this alone !

X

[Tempest]

The swines!!!!!!!

And YES on the adrenals! I actually had a young doctor suggest to me in A & E when I had my spectacular hormone crash that he thought I should be tested for Addison's! Yep, you guessed it......he was shot down in flames by his senior colleagues but top marks to that young fella for even considering an adrenal connection. I hope he goes far - we can do with more like him!

[Keepgoing]

Hi Annie and tempest I have generalised anxiety disorder diagnosed at 19 and because of the anxiety I ended up with severe clinical depression. Since age 23 I have been on anti depressants after suicide attempt. At 26 my mum died and it was awful tabs were changed to Seroxat and doc got me counselling and it was this councillor who pointed out to me I was always at my worst in his sessions when I was hormonal...but I digress the reason for this post is that without the Seroxat I would not go out. This anti depressant is for social anxiety and depression and has really helped me...maybe this is why I am doing so good on hrt and the T because I have an AD which helps with the anxiety. There are a lot of ADs that are more for anxiety than depression. What I'm trying to say is ADs could help they're not all bad...I must admit it took a good few months before the side effects wore off but worth it in the end. My doctor and I have agreed I will be on them for life as my anxiety is extreme...I still get slightly anxious sometimes but that's life. I do not mind being on them for life because they gave me back control of my life...hope this makes sense and maybe helps xx

[Annie0710]

Thank you Keepgoing for your input
So happy to hear these work for you

I think I've been put off because at the beginning of peri I had awful IBS, nothing was working so they gave me ADs (fluoxetine)I thought they were just palming me off but took them justvin case it worked.  It did NOTHING for the IBS and it stripped me of my emotions, I just couldn't cry! I'm naturally a person with strong emotions, when I'm happy I beam, when my heartstrings are pulled I tear up, when devastated I cry.... i became none of them, just emotionless.  I got off them after a few months but apart from that I knew this was all down to hormones

I think I'll have a chat with my nice GP (I've purposely kept away since I stumbled across her as I'm desperate for her to take me seriously and continue to work with me) I'll be open and upfront with her.  I think if I can sort this social anxiety out I'll be pretty much where I want to be, I realise I'll never be my pre meno self again but I'm ok with who I am minus the SA!

Tempest -
it makes sense we may have adrenal fatigue
No one likes stress but I was renowned for being calm in a crisis, I took stress on the chin and worked with it, now the mere sniff of stress heading my way and I'm running !

X

[GypsyRoseLee]

For me, it's the anxiety and depression which are the hardest to bear. The only other time I have experienced anything like this before was after my first child was born, and I was diagnosed with PND. So I KNOW it's my hormones, but that doesn't really help.

I have been doing much better these last few months, with just a return of anxiety/depression after I ovulate. But it's only lasted for about 5/6 days, then I feel fine again. I attribute this to a high dose of oestrogen + taking 100mg of Sertraline.

But this month is much worse. Since day 12 of my cycle the anxiety/depression has been getting worse and worse. It lifted briefly for a day and a half, and I was so relieved, and thought I was following the same pattern of these last few month. But then it came back, and I was devastated. This morning I sobbed and sobbed and just felt hysterical with it. My poor husband is so supportive, but I hate worrying him like this.

I feel as though the oestrogen and Sertraline have just stopped working. At times I have felt suicidal, because the thought of feeling like this is just toouch to stand. I hate admitting that, as I love my husband and children so much and couldn't bear to leave them. But I can't bear this feeling either, it is just misery. It's a mixture of anxiety + dread + despair. And it's exactly how I felt after my first baby was born.

I also have some 2mg of diazepam, but it doesn't do a lot. I haven't needed any for months, but had to take one last night as I felt so awful.

Logically I know the HRT and AD can't just have stopped working. So I'm really scared that I am actually generating much of this anxiety myself. I had my usual mid cycle dip nearly 2 weeks ago, but because it seemed to lift then come back (and so didn't follow the pattern) I then started to panic 'It's not going. It's not going!'.

And it's now taking over my life again, it's all I'm thinking about. I am convincing myself that I am slipping back to how dreadful I was back in the early summer, when.I was signed off work and hated leaving the house. And I just can't bear to go back there.

My period is due in the next 3-5 days, and I am just praying that this horrible anxiety/depression will start to lift as my own oestrogen starts to rise. If it doesn't, then I don't know what I'm going to do.

[Springer]

Hi Annie, so sorry you feel like this. I find the anxiety/ low mood the most difficult aspect to cope with. socialising is OK but in work setting, I'm just not functioning as I would normally. It's frightening. Worried about how I'm seen in work and realising that I tend to over share. Hoping HRT will help as only just started it.

[Annie0710]

For me, it's the anxiety and depression which are the hardest to bear. The only other time I have experienced anything like this before was after my first child was born, and I was diagnosed with PND. So I KNOW it's my hormones, but that doesn't really help.

I have been doing much better these last few months, with just a return of anxiety/depression after I ovulate. But it's only lasted for about 5/6 days, then I feel fine again. I attribute this to a high dose of oestrogen + taking 100mg of Sertraline.

But this month is much worse. Since day 12 of my cycle the anxiety/depression has been getting worse and worse. It lifted briefly for a day and a half, and I was so relieved, and thought I was following the same pattern of these last few month. But then it came back, and I was devastated. This morning I sobbed and sobbed and just felt hysterical with it. My poor husband is so supportive, but I hate worrying him like this.

I feel as though the oestrogen and Sertraline have just stopped working. At times I have felt suicidal, because the thought of feeling like this is just toouch to stand. I hate admitting that, as I love my husband and children so much and couldn't bear to leave them. But I can't bear this feeling either, it is just misery. It's a mixture of anxiety + dread + despair. And it's exactly how I felt after my first baby was born.

I also have some 2mg of diazepam, but it doesn't do a lot. I haven't needed any for months, but had to take one last night as I felt so awful.

Logically I know the HRT and AD can't just have stopped working. So I'm really scared that I am actually generating much of this anxiety myself. I had my usual mid cycle dip nearly 2 weeks ago, but because it seemed to lift then come back (and so didn't follow the pattern) I then started to panic 'It's not going. It's not going!'.

And it's now taking over my life again, it's all I'm thinking about. I am convincing myself that I am slipping back to how dreadful I was back in the early summer, when.I was signed off work and hated leaving the house. And I just can't bear to go back there.

My period is due in the next 3-5 days, and I am just praying that this horrible anxiety/depression will start to lift as my own oestrogen starts to rise. If it doesn't, then I don't know what I'm going to do.

Wow GRL, I feel I shouldn't be complaining after reading your sad story :-(

Are you sure your high dose oestrogen is helping ? Whilst my ovaries weren't working at full capacity for years I was on max dose oral oestrogen and not a shred of anxiety/depression, the minute my ovaries failed and peri hit was the start of everything so eventually I swapped to patch but I can't tolerate a high dose (I'm on 75mcg but suffering it because I've added testosterone to the mix) high oestrogen makes me feel a jittery wreck.  Ideally I'd be better I think on 50mcg

I presume you've tried reducing ? I've never experienced any feelings during my cycles back in the day, I only knew when I was due because of the calendar telling me.  I had undiagnosed PND back in 1991 for about a year, I put this down to a succession of failed pregnancies and was on a high after my sons birth, but it turned into PND, I rode it out as I'd heard horror stories of mums losing their children because of PND and I had a useless husband !

I do hope you get the help you need/want to get you on an even keel again.  This really is a cruel time.  We've done the child rearing and now we've reached an age where we have freedom we've been imprisoned by lack of or messed up hormones. 

I wish I could advise you I really do but I have absolutely no experience in all this.  It took me a while to even work out my own SA, I couldn't see the pattern forming at first

I wish you good luck for finding your balance
Xxx

[Annie0710]

Hi Annie, so sorry you feel like this. I find the anxiety/ low mood the most difficult aspect to cope with. socialising is OK but in work setting, I'm just not functioning as I would normally. It's frightening. Worried about how I'm seen in work and realising that I tend to over share. Hoping HRT will help as only just started it.

Aw thankyou, give your hrt time, many say 3 months but don't be afraid to try changing dosage after that if you still feel things aren't right

I've had my dodgy moments at work but fortunately this job is quite solo so I can just get my head down and do it

Testosterone I think has given me more concentration and perhaps some quicker thinking which has definitely helped too
Xx

[CLKD]

I hadn't cried for years although tears were always there - the one thing that will bring me to tears is the end of The Incredible Journey ……. and 12 months ago when my friend ended his Life but I didn't shed as many as I felt I needed to.

But: ADs have enabled me.  Along with BBs and an emergency pill I have a Life again.  I have in the last 9 months added 5mg of my AD and anxiety is really really background ……….  . 

There are so many ADs out there that it really is worth persevering.

[Annie0710]

I was reading up on some of them earlier, I don't want any that reduce libido !

Trouble is with what gets to me is that it's not a daily SA, just when I'm socialising but I will speak to GP when I next have a free day

Thank you x

[CLKD]

SA  ……… the thing is that you can't drink with any of these types of medication.  However, thinking logically - if you are coping with the aid of an emergency pill [mine is Lorazepam 1mg as necessary] then you wont' need the alcohol anyway!

What is better: to be able to cope or feel sexy, there are many ways of arousal but not many that eases anxiety 

[bramble]

Beta blockers as and when you need them may be the way forward. No fear of dependance on them. Can't remember if you said you had tried them or not. Actors use them on an ad hoc basis to get through stage fright so if are only anxious in social situations they may do the trick. And you can drink with them - or at least I have with no problems. (I take them for HBP).

Bramble

[Annie0710]

A GP went to prescribe them a couple of years ago for palpitations then realised I can't have them because I'm asthmatic, I wonder whether I could for the odd occasion ?
Thankyou for that, it may be my answer. X

[bramble]

Annie,
I stopped taking them when i started to take an inhaler every day but my doc said they would be ok to take on occasion to deal with palpitations - so could be a goer for you?

Bramble