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[Pennyfarthing]

Looking for a bit of advice please ladies.  Some years ago through our children, sharing lifts etc I became friendly with someone. Initially she was OK but as time went on I realised she was in fact a very nasty, vindictive person and was particularly nasty about other friends I had and was very jealous.

So gradually over the years I kind of withdrew from socialising with her but we still spoke. Occasionally she would be at events where I was with probably my closest friend so we all chatted and mixed.  This friend does some work for us so is a part time employee.  Recently this other woman has been in touch with her and invited herself along to go walking with her and a couple of  others (which of course I can't do right now due to my bad knee).  I know she will worm her way in and start poisoning my friend/employee against me as she always doesn't this. My friend is lovely but wouldn't say boo to a goose and although she knows some of the stuff this other woman's has done and she's heard it from other sources too, she felt sorry for her and daren't say no.

Obviously it's  up to my friend who she socialises  with but I want to suggest to her that she doesn't discuss either me or my family with her and definitely not our business.  I'm not  sure how to go about this though. 

[flutterby]

Hi Pennyfarthing I don't think it would be unreasonable for you to remind your friend how horrible this other woman has been to you and gently suggest that she doesn't discuss your business. Your friend might have trouble deflecting probing questions and might be grateful for suggestions of how to handle the situation. Flutterbyx

[Ju Ju]

You can't control what other people say and do, only yourself. Worrying about what others say and think about us is more about how we feel about ourselves than about the other person. If you feel good about yourself, you don't need to worry about what others think. You moved on from the former friend who was not treating you in a way that was acceptable, which is sensible. I suggest you have respect for your other friend to make up her own mind and yes, support her if she has difficulties with this other person. Just because she is quiet, don't assume she is easily swayed, poisoned or will change her mind easily about you. Be a friend, trust and above all respect her. I wouldn't feel comfortable with someone who didn't think I could think for myself. In fact I would feel insulted.

[CLKD]

However in a business sense your friend needs to be reminded that the business isn't to be discussed.  Suggest that if work is brought into the conversation that she airily brushes it up with 'I'm on a day off so no discussion of work allowed, however, I'm going on holiday ……… ' - this is about protecting your business and not about personalities ;-). 

[Pennyfarthing]

However in a business sense your friend needs to be reminded that the business isn't to be discussed.  Suggest that if work is brought into the conversation that she airily brushes it up with 'I'm on a day off so no discussion of work allowed, however, I'm going on holiday ……… ' - this is about protecting your business and not about personalities ;-).

That's exactly what I meant.  Since my friend works for us as well I wouldn't want her discussing our business.  This other woman is so manipulative and I've seen her in action over many years that she has a way of wheedling stuff out of people, twisting it around and then passing it on to all and sundry. She literally has no friends of her own because people wise up to her so when I was friendly with her several years ago she almost took over my life and tried to make me disassociate myself from real friends, which fortunately I had the sense not to do.

[Pennyfarthing]

Hi Pennyfarthing I don't think it would be unreasonable for you to remind your friend how horrible this other woman has been to you and gently suggest that she doesn't discuss your business. Your friend might have trouble deflecting probing questions and might be grateful for suggestions of how to handle the situation. Flutterbyx

I think you're right.  I'm not bothered if she socialises with her but I AM bothered if us and our business are discussed. I think a gentle reminder is the way to go.

[CLKD]

Let us know!

[Dana]

I agree that it's perfectly reasonable to say something to your friend. Don't say it in a "boss" kind of way. Just say something like "I know you won't do it anyway, but if "Mary" asks anything about the business please just brush her off, or tell her you don't know anything. I don't trust her with my personal details".

If other people have worked her out, and avoid her, I'm sure your friend will too eventually.

[CLKD]

Good idea Dana, also add that you are aware that this particular woman can be pushy until people give away personal details in order to shut her up?!?