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[Justjules]

Just as an update, after a terrible 6 months and a bit of an epiphany the other weekend after a couple of trips to urgent care after getting myself in a state over what was probably food poisoning but tipped me over the edge with anxiety, I have now gone back on the BBs after a clear ECG.  The awful morning shakes have stopped and so has the waking with the racing heart at 5:00am. Whether it was all just psychological, I don't know, but I feel a lot better anxiety wise and gave myself a good talking to and decided I'd had enough of anxiety and living like this. One of my sons saw me in a right state when I was bad with the food poisoning bout as I just couldn't cope and I made an bit of a show of myself and he gave me a good talking to and it made me sit up and realise just how it was all affecting them badly and I felt very guilty. I just made a pact with myself to cope with this on my own with my own strength somehow.

Anyway, the only thing I'm left with now is this awful lack of energy and awful weakness first thing in the mornings. Just getting ready for work and to the office feels like a mighty hurdle, get to work and for the first few hours I'm fit for nothing apart from sitting there. I always have breakfast, usually porridge, eat again around 10:00am as I start to feel blood sugar goes low again and basically eat all morning till lunch, even though I have little appetite, I have to eat. I have been making myself go up to the shops in my lunch hour but two shops and I'm wobbly again and go back to the office. This is the on,y bit that is getting me down now. I managed to get around the garden centre at the weekend with my Mum but again, that's all I can do. I am thinking maybe I have adrenal fatigue with having such severe anxiety for the past 6 months? I feel totally physically unable to do much. I am much better in the evening. I am going to Spain for 10 days next week on holiday but it's an early flight and I'm panicking about how I will manage energy wise as sometimes I feel I will collapse as my stamina is zero and the thought of walking round the airport is making me anxious and also how I will cope in the heat. Husband will be thinking I am up for long walks along the promenade but I can't do it and he will get cross and tell me I am not trying or pushing myself. I am also worrying about having to have enough food on me all the time if we go out! I am putting this all down to the after effects of the last few months but there's a bit of a niggle that it could be something else. I've also considered CFS but I don't have aching muscles. I am just coming to the end of my mega course of Vit D but feel no difference yet.

Sorry it's a bit long and rambly but would be grateful for your thoughts or experiences of anything similar.

X

[CLKD]

Adrenal fatigue is VERY VERY rare and has specific symptoms which can be similar to other conditions.  I posted about this somewhere on here earlier in the week but meno-brain, can't remember where 

Don't try to hide how you feel unless you are really able to cope alone.  OK so your family are worried, so what! no doubt you worried about them over the years.  Instead of having a moan at you, shouldn't your son be asking how he could help 

Make a note of what you actually eat in any 24 hours?  I found eating every 3 hours even in the night useful.  Nothing big.  I rely on Dextrose tablets, bananas, mixed dried fruits and nuts to graze on, dry biscuits, ginger biscuits ……. and I never share my emergency foods!  When I can't eat I really can't ……….  .  Small packets of the mixed Kellogs varieties can be eaten without milk if necessary, B4 I get hungry.   These can be carried in an extra handbag if necessary along with small bottles of water.  Have you tried those 'energy' bars?  There are several varieties and I can usually find 1 that I 'fancy' when I begin to dip.  Browse the shelves in your local store/s to see what might tempt you and what is easy to carry.  When I am anxious everything tastes and smells acute  .

Light evening meals, i.e. grilled chicken with rice or sliced chicken stir-fried with mixed veg. is a good standby as are pancakes.  A good batter will last 24 hours in the fridge so can be grazed on B4 I get hungry! that avoids that awful 'dip'.  Cream crackers help.  Grapes.  Mangoes in season.  Chocolate as I begin to improve ;-).

[Justjules]

Thanks CLKD.  I seem to fit the symptoms for adrenal fatigue that and the fact that my therapist has also suggested I have it (she's very knowledgeable about nutrition too) but the Drs don't test for it and I don't really want to go down the route of paying for private saliva tests etc.  I just can't understand the awful inability to do anything remotely physical and would like to be able to go round the supermarket without having to grab lucozade or suck dextrose tablets constantly.  I do eat every 3 hours even if I don't want to because I have to, apart during the night and have been trying to eat before bedtime but it makes no difference.  I feel just completely burnt out which isn't surprisingly with the level of anxiety I had and I accept it might take some time to build my system back up again.

I know what you mean about the family etc. but I have been a drama queen over the last year with this bloomin anxiety and particularly health anxiety, so I think they just got to their sympathy limit and obviously, don't understand it anyway which doesn't help.

[coldethyl]

Lots of stuff in there. Firstly glad to hear that you are starting to make steps towards recovery. I think the issue here is that you are already looking for another " illness" to explain your exhaustion. I'm not sure that adrenal fatigue exists off the page of naturopaths and alternative health gurus- certainly not in sense that adrenal issues accompanies recognised illnesses such as Addisons  or Cushings. That's not to say that you aren't pumping out too much cortisol and that you are awash with adrenaline. ( I'm getting lots of the latter as last of my flushes and it sucks) , but these are normal consequences of good old anxiety without starting down the route if saliva testing and all the things that you've been told before about anxiety apply here- so breathing , relaxation, meditation , diet and so on. I recall that Claire Weekes talked a lot about nervous exhaustion in her books and it might be worth reading them. You are naturally worn out as your body isn't designed to run at high octane stress levels indefinitely and I'd suspect that part of your exhaustion is your body trying to recuperate like after a bout of flu.
You need to build up slowly and explain  to your family that you are trying but aren't there yet. That said, it's no good pretending to keep them happy so make it clear that you still need their support and that if you try, they must also be prepared to accept that for now the old you isn't there - no one would expect someone in midst of chemo to just cope and run a marathon and this is no different. I do think that it would be worth contacting MIND for counselling as there are a lot of undercurrent issues going on that aren't helping you overcome the anxiety. Indeed I suspect your anxiety has become part of your coping mechanism for dealing with the other issues, but as I have found, it soon takes over and becomes a monster issue in its own right.

[CLKD]

GPs do test for it.  'Addisons' disease also affects dogs.  Have you asked your General Practitioner?  As I said, it is rare.  Will try to find the Link I was reading earlier in the week.

Depression.  Anxiety.  Hormonal upheaval.  All can cause extreme tiredness known as 'crashing fatigue', which can be eased by a good diet, gentle exercise, 'me time' ………

[CLKD]

Crikey,  - I remembered : from the NHS web-site

"Introduction

"Addison's disease (also known as primary adrenal insufficiency or hypoadrenalism) is a rare disorder of the adrenal glands.
The adrenal glands are two small glands that sit on top of the kidneys. They producetwo essential hormones: cortisol and aldosterone.

"In Addison's disease, the adrenal gland is damaged, and not enough cortisol and aldosterone are produced.
About 8,400 people in the UK have Addison's disease. It can affect people of any age, although it's most common between the ages of 30 and 50. It's also more common in women than men.

"Early-stage symptoms of Addison's disease are similar to other more common health conditions, such as depression or flu.

"You may experience:
fatigue (lack of energy or motivation)
muscle weakness
low mood
loss of appetite and unintentional weight loss
increased thirst

"Over time, these problems may become more severe and you may experience further symptoms, such as dizziness, fainting, cramps and exhaustion. You may also develop small areas of darkened skin, or darkened lips or gums.

"Although these symptoms aren't always caused by Addison's disease, you should see your GP, so they can be investigated.


"Why it happens:

"The condition is usually the result of a problem with the immune system, which causes it to attack the outer layer of the adrenal gland (the adrenal cortex), disrupting the production of steroid hormones aldosterone and cortisol. It's not clear why this happens, but it's responsible for 70-90% of cases in the UK.

"Other potential causes include conditions that can damage the adrenal glands, such as tuberculosis (TB), although this is uncommon in the UK.

"Treating Addison's disease -

"Addison's disease is treated with medication to replace the missing hormones. You'll need to take the medication for the rest of your life.

"With treatment, symptoms of Addison's disease can largely be controlled. Most people with the condition live a normal lifespan and are able to live an active life, with few limitations.

"However, many people with Addison's disease also find they must learn to manage bouts of fatigue and there may be associated health conditions, such as diabetes or an underactive thyroid.

"People with Addison's disease must be constantly aware of the risk of a sudden worsening of symptoms, called an adrenal crisis. This can happen when the levels of cortisol in your body fall significantly.

"An adrenal crisis is a medical emergency. If left untreated, it can be fatal. If you or someone you know has Addison's disease and is experiencing severe symptoms, dial 999 for an ambulance" .

So there you go.  If you are worried then you need to see your GP to discuss because if this is in the back of your mind, it either needs diagnosing or you need to accept that it will continue to worry you until your have talked to your GP.

[Milamam]

JJ, I have been following your posts ans an glad to read that you are taking over the anxiety battle at last. As to the tiredness and weakness, could it be a side effect frim returning to the BBs? I remember feeling exactly like you do two years ago when I was put on BBs for irregular heart beat and palpitations. The BBs sorted out the palpitations but made my legs wobbly, and I was dizzy all day. Maybe your body will take some time to adjust, or maybe your dose is too high? Just a guess, really.

Milamam

[CLKD]

Good point!  My head feels woozy most of the day but I've learned to live with it.  Better than the constant anxiety surges and BBs do help ease those.  ADs stop most of the depression >phew<.  They aren't a cure but I am enabled!

[Justjules]

Coldethyl, not seen much of you on here lately, so hope you are okay. Yes, you're right, probably just total exhaustion but it is a bit frustrating and frightening that you may not feel better any time soon but I have been here in the past and although I've never been a high energy person, I may just need to accept me as I am and yes, will tell the family. I did have the Clare Weeks books but lent them to someone years ago and never got them back. I know what lies beneath my anxiety but and I think I will always be reliant on some sort of counselling to cope.

Milamam, I have been on these BBs for over 20 years, it was when I stopped them for a few months that all the shaking and wobbly legs started and have now disappeared since I went back on them so hence I am feeling a bit better. I just want to sort out the weakness and stamina now as people don't believe me when I say I can't walk round the shops or just go for a walk at the moment as I feel I will just collapse at some point and have to grab the glucose tablets or chocolate bar. Ha, I have just bought a box of glucose powder from the chemist to take on holiday....hope I don't get stopped at the airport as it looks like a bag of dodgy substance  !!!

CKLD, my son went through this several years ago and I remember him being tested for Addisons as he was weak and carrying lucozade everywhere with him and it was just anxiety.

[coldethyl]

With glucose tablets, you're probably making it much worse as they boost sugars then you'll get the drop again- far better to have some nuts in your bag and to eat them throughout day if you feel you are getting dips in energy. It's worth being tested for diabetes if you are tired and having BS swings, though I'd imagine your GP has done this already.
Don't forget that you had a longish period of not eating properly with the anxiety so your whole body is going to be out of kilter and take time to readjust. If you have had a lifetime of anxiety, it will never be a case of it being done and dusted and sadly, you are going to have to work with how it is every day. I think you are fighting against it because that is what you think your family expect, and it sounds like that is their thoughts on it, but fighting only makes it worse. You have to accept that this is just how it is for now and then work within that envelope, all the while making the envelope a bit bigger every day. So go for a walk or to shops but tell yourself if you feel bad you can rest or come home- hopefully then half an hr will become 35 minutes then an hr and so on. My counselling session today was all about compassion towards ourselves and you need to practice that. Compassion can also be about recognising our flaws and the less desirable things about ourselves, forgiving ourselves and saying that we will try to change. I am no counsellor but it really sounds like you aren't getting what you need emotionally from those round you and that the anxiety has become a way of getting some attention, albeit not very caring or helpful attention. I am coming round to seeing that at the end of the day, we need to love and care for us first - if we wait to be fulfilled by others it may never happen and what a waste of a life. Do things that make you feel happy and good about yourself.
I'm about - life is busy at minute and I'm tired x

[babyjane]

coldethyl you remind me of something I heard recently, that happiness is a choice.  If we wait for others to make up happy we are wasting our life.  I think there is some truth in it.

[CLKD]

Coldethyl - have you ever used Dextrose tablets ?  I have relied on them for many years and have NEVER had a dip - when my blood sugar is low they fizz when chewed.  Usually 2 settles the anxiety and 'lifts' me until I can have a banana or dried fruits and nuts!

I had my first panic attack at aged 3  and have suffered since.

[Justjules]

Coldethyl, as usual, everything you say is so true apart from saying that I am fighting the anxiety and doing it for everyone else but I truly am not this time. I've learnt now that you don't fight anxiety, you accept it as like you say, chances are this is me to some extent forever. I do get some emotional support but again, not enough and when I lose my Mum, I will lose 95% of that, I dread the day. My therapist is also making me aware all the time that I firstly need to look after me and show myself the compassion I deserve. I know who I am, what I am, and I'm a good, kind, honest person and am happy with that. I've just let other people and life choices overrule what has been important to me all my life so like I said, I had some sort of epiphany and thought no more, it's me first now and I am determined to get on top of the anxiety and be more positive but not in a false way but just by looking for the good and the blessings. I can't make people more supportive and make me fulfilled so I will look to myself to make me happy and will be looking to make some lifestyle changes and concentrate on getting some strength back. I realise this is going to take some time as again, like you say, I've not been getting the right nutrients for a long time to be able to start healing. You would make a great counsellor, you should think about doing it some time....thanks. X

[CLKD]

Delegate?

Think about who is regularly in your home and what skills they have?  Then ask for help around house and garden  .  Take time out (we have a thread about that here somewhere  ), my go-to relaxing is a bubble bath with Very Good Book and cuppa: though when depressed in the 1990s I couldn't sit still long enough to enjoy a bath and couldn't concentrate long enough to read  .

Little steps!

[Justjules]

CKLD, gave got myself a cleaner, OH will shop if I give him a list, the rest I leave now if I can't do it or can't be bothered, which I could never do before.  Giving myself plenty of time out when I feel like it, so I am doing all the right things and yes, little steps and a day at a time.