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[Lizab]

Hi. Many of you are familiar with my journey so I'll try to recap briefly. I'm 39, started dealing with erratic bleeding a couple years ago, hit a terrible low last year in the fall, started hrt end of the year, increased dosage in March to .50 patch, along with 10 days 200mg progesterone monthly. I have been feeling very well since the increase, gradually getting back to life, exercising daily, anxiety fading away, hot flashes almost completely gone, weepiness and emotional instability vanished. So that's all good. I have hope!

So here's the problem. My hot flashes when they come, always coincide with a mood dip in the form of anxiety, depression, or hyper-sensitive emotions. In the last couple months, they have been exactly on the 4th day of progesterone and the 4th day after finishing the progesterone. Compared with how things were for me, this has been wonderful. This month things seem to be different. I had two days of hot flashes and low mood the week before starting progesterone, and the progesterone never gave me the rested sense of well-being that it usually gives me. Something just feels off. I have been extremely irritable (understatement) this entire course of progesterone and the last few days I'm struggling to not sink into a depression. Tonight will be the final dose of it and my bleed has already begun, so it must only be my period. I have so much fear from this little bit of blue feeling. After all those months of feeling so badly, and then beginning to feel good again, I do not ever want to feel that bad again. I think it traumatized me a bit.

So, any suggestions? Can I expect any better? Do you that feel well have cyclical or random dips? And if so, does it scare you when the doom and gloom pops up?

[CLKD]

Could your own hormones be joining in?  I know how you feel, I never want to feel That Ill again  . 

[Dancinggirl]

Lizab - one of your main symptoms is anxiety and I personally believe it is unrealistic to expect any HRT to control this completely and I don't think any one of us should expect to feel good every day - we all get up and down days.  I can understand your fear but you do need to practise some CBT and relaxation etc. to help you through these times.

I do think that it's about getting the balance of oestrogen to progesterone and if one is peri meno then this is particularly difficult. You are young and need the oestrogen so do need to persevere -  I think for you it will be important to adopt a range of strategies to deal with your anxiety and low mood - do discuss this with your GP.  Are you on an AD or SRRI - many women need this alongside the HRT. Try to do things you enjoy.
The bleed starting early is quite common with Utro and not an issue.
DG x

[Lizab]

I think my own hormones could be part of it. Or perhaps I was honeymooning on that little bit higher dose of estrogen the past 2 months and now things are settling? One interesting (or not) detail is that since I started this, I always began my bleed on about day 8 or 9 of the progesterone, not after finishing the progesterone like so many others do. Last month I didn't start my bleed until 2 or 3 days after the progesterone, and now this month I'm back to day 9. So whether that's my own hormones coming into play, or my body adapting to the higher estrogen, I'm not sure. Also, I did not have the craving for the progesterone that I normally get. All the other months, by the second estrogen-only week I'm counting down the days until I can start progesterone again for the calming and good sleep.

One thing is certain, I am returning to my old self. I would love to have a good cry right now and can't do it. The old me was never an easy cryer. A few months ago I would have done anything to stop crying over everything!

[Lizab]

Thank you, DG. The hrt has helped greatly with the anxiety. I agree that I need to have some coping strategies in my pocket in case anxiety does pop up, but at this moment it's a mild blues that I'm feeling. And for me, the best thing I've found for mild blues is to keep moving and do my best to ignore the cloud hanging over me until it passes. It's not even a really bad day, but my recent experience has planted a new fear in me of falling into a depression.

[CLKD]

I haven't been able to cry for years, however, watching the guilty verdict on the 2 women/partners who killed the little boy moved me to great lumps in my throat  .

I used to cry easily  .  Do you keep a mood/food diary?

[Lizab]

I tried to keep a mood diary, but it was too complicated so I pared it down to marking overall good days, bad days, periods, and hot flashes. I have less than 5 bad days per month now. Definitely tolerable! I don't log my food because I have lifelong food allergies I'm very aware already of what I'm eating and when something is affecting me. Interesting that you bring that up though, as one of my symptoms of having eaten too much of a forbidden food is irritability. It's usually comes with a rash but I may have to watch that during the progesterone days and see if there's any correlation.