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[EllaM]

Hi everyone, I have posted a few times recently as am having a bloody awful Tim after a relatively stable year with fluctuations that were manageable by my standards.
I'm so miserable as have had to take sick leave for the last couple of weeks as feeling awful with the usual symptoms of fluctuations: Insomnia, anxiety, low mood, flushes, spots, dry eyes, bad diarrhea on occasions and generally feel like I could be dying!
The frustrating thing is I can feel like I'm picking up and getting back to normal then wham. It comes over me again.
I knew at the beginning of this last cycle that things felt very different and it has well and truly got me at rock bottom feeling like I can't go on.
In my heart of hearts I know what it I but it's the uncertainty of it all and not being able to have any semblance of a normal existence that is really getting to me.
I'm nearly 51 and this has gone on for over 5 years. I have been on various hrt over the last 2 years but have been on Estradot 75 and Utrogestan (200 x 12 days) for over a year. I have had a very recent trial of estrogel but didn't get on well with it as I think my body does better on the stability of patches.
Can any of you knowledgeable ladies give me any suggestions to help reduce the impact of the fluctuations as I think a chemical menopause may be a last solution and I'm not too keen.
I'm living in hope that this may be my body's 'last fling' as my life has been ruined for the last 6 years.
Hoping you can offer me some hope xx

[Dancinggirl]

Have you tried an SRRI alongside the HRT - many women find they need both.  DG x

[EllaM]

Hi DG, I have taken citalopram in the past but it had no noticeable effect on either the anxiety or low mood.
I think the worst symptoms for me are the physical ones: I should have added in dizzy /heady feeling, joint pain, all of which leave me feeling generally ill.
I know this is hormonal and won't be going back to the SSRI as when my hormones are behaving my anxiety etc is non existent x

[coldethyl]

I can empathise with all of this. I have had a migraine/sim my head since weekend and I ache from head to foot. My rational head is saying it's hormonal ( I'm bleeding on and off at minute) but part of me is thinking I'm on verge of stroke, lingering death from brain tumour and so on. It's so hard getting through the endless onslaught some days but I've found practising mindfulness meditation is helping lower my normally high stress levels so that I can stop them from escalating so rapidly when a hormonal blip hits.
I too tried ADs but they've never helped and this time round made things much worse. I think we just have to accept that this is how it is for the minute - not fighting it helps me feel more in control not less as some days it means stuff just washes over me and is gone quickly.
Can you adjust your HRT at all if it isn't helping? X

[EllaM]

Oh Coldethyl, this sounds so similar in that I convince myself i am dying. I have a mole on my leg which although a strange shape and colour is fine according to my gp but i have convinced myself there is something seriously wrong!
My BF is a trained counsellor and tells me not to fight it but it is hard as I was such an active workaholic. I feel so guilty about work, hate feeling so rubbish I can't do much and just want this all to stop soon.
I think I do need to up my estrogen a bit as everything is noticeably shrivelling up this month. Just need to do it gently so as not to add to my own fluctuations.
You take care of yourself x

[Lizab]

Well EllaM, I can't advise you, but I'd like to thank you. You have described perfectly what I've been going through. Like you, in my heart of hearts I know what it is, but it's a nice reminder to see someone else describe it so well. I never imagined needing hrt, and now I'm having to think about an SSRI as well, though I hope the hrt will be sufficient. I'm fed up with the menopause.

[EllaM]

Hi Lizab and so sorry that you are having a horrible time too. I just wish there was an easy answer for us all so that we could get on with our lived. It's just awful having to go through this. I hope the hrt works for you x

[Kathleen]

Hello EllaM.

I've just noticed this thread and think we are in a similar position. I haven't had a period for 5 and a half years and despite being on HRT for half that time it's always been a struggle and I still have issues. In fact I've just posted a question to ask the ladies where they think I'm going wrong!

As you can see no real answers but bundles of sympathy  and sending hugs.

Take care.

K.

[EllaM]

Oh Kathleen, I'm so sorry to hear that and thank you for your good wishes. I just wish for all of us there were some easier answers. Some ladies seem to do really well whilst others like us really struggle. The hardest thing, apart from feeling like death, is being out of control and just not knowing when it will end.
I hope things improve for you x