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[CLKD]

Are you able to tell her how you feel?  Might make it easier somehow?

[Mandz]

Hi

Thanks sparkle xx

CLKD... She knows majority of it...

Will see what tomorrow brings xxx

[Greenfields]

Mandz sweetheart I just saw this thread here and wanted to chime in with all the other supportive messages. Plus being on so many meds I'm not surprised you don't know which way is up!

I had a menopausal breakdown in March last year. I was put on the wrong HRT, then sertraline (2 days and I came off it because the side effects I had were severe and horrendous) and then I got a different Dr, a different HRT and slowly started to get better. But I also took a much lower dose of propranolol for a while and it made me feel shit until I came off it!

I've come to the conclusion that meds are such a crap shoot and if you've been put on so many in such a short space of time no wonder you don't feel that great. I know AD's make you feel awful to begin with anyway - so there's like a settling in period while your body adjusts. Ditto different types of HRT.

Keep persisting with your Dr's until you find something that works for you. And be kind to yourself. You're ill! Don't add moral judgement to how you're feeling. I did and it doesn't help any. You wouldn't treat others who are sick with physical illnesses (like say heart disease, cancer etc) like this so just because it's anxiety and mental stuff doesn't mean that you've somehow brought it on yourself. You haven't.

I got better because a friend intervened and got me to a good Dr. Then I got the right HRT. Then it took time, kindness and I explored other things like psychotherapy, exercise, relaxation and meditation, yoga, change of diet ... and they all helped. But most all kindness helped. So I hope you can find some kind folks around you.

I got better relatively quickly (although it didn't feel like it at the time) and by November I was able to pick up my life a bit. But everyone is individual and you sound like you're dealing with a lot.

Hugs to you xxx

[SadLynda]

I did the same as Lizab, always held it together at the docs and just tried to explain (badly).  Infact I too held it together for a long time which is probably why I was as bad as I got.

My Dad has always maintained its those who make the most fuss who get attended too, if only to get shut of them, so you carrry on making a fuss and dont give a stuff what their opinion is as long as they help you, they sure as hell dont seem to care what we think of them when they clearly do not give a hoot.

have a lovely lunch out, it will help.

[Minny]

Dear Mandz,

Just wanted to say I am so sorry to hear what an awful time you are going through and sending you a massive healing hug.  I have been where you are at the moment and it is truly horrendous!!!!  It is not something I would wish on my worst enemy.

I know this is easy to say but please, please don't feel guilty - you are not well.  If you had broke a leg or had a heart attack would you feel guilty?  It's just the same except people can't see it.

I don't know much about HRT as I only started 3 weeks ago but I do know a bit about antidepressants and benzodiazepines I've been on various antidepressants for the last 30 years!  One thing I have learnt and unfortunately the hard way is whatever you do please come off them slowly very slowly.  Antidepressants are supposed not to be habit forming but our brain changes with the uses of them so it takes time to readjust when coming off them.  So the best way is to taper them slowly.  I mean this even if you are just dropping a dose say form 45mg Mirtazapine to 30 mg even this could cause withdrawal symptoms.   A really good website with more information is Surviving antidepressants.

I really hope you get the help you need soon.

Big hugs to you

Minny
xoxo

[Ms Saucy]

Aww honey.
Sorry to hear that you feel like this. It sounds exactly like I was there years ago....I crumbled completely and now take Citralopam 40mg daily.... Also take propananol 20 to 30 mgs daily in 10 mgs doses.

So I know how anxiety feels, I work on being kind to one's self..tasks, do some, dump some and delegate...don't be too hard on yourself .....I avoid all caffiene and booze.. It made my anxiety worse. I eat a snack before bed to avoid low blood sugars and a shaky morning waking.
I lost my eldest 23 just 17 months ago and as a single woman found the grief very hard. Enjoy all you friends do to help you...you would help them....
Maybe make a list of what you want in life and work towards it...mindfulness is good for helping too.
Ms Saucy xxxx

[Mandz]

Hi all,

Thank u all for the supportive responses, I'm over whelmed by them all, and I've showed them to my hubby to try to help him also see that he's not the only one either who has a wife that's at times unbearable/seems neurotic/ sad/ etc etc......
..... And maybe help him see that, hopefully, I will get there


I went out for a while on Friday... Which was lovely. Yesterday I actually did quite a bit of ironing and tidied up a bit......
Today I'm struggling to face the day, it's the huge knot,churning away in my stomach....but I will get up and get showered....

Ms saucy: i was so sad for you reading about the loss of your child, no parent should ever have to cope with that type of greif.... Xxx

[CLKD]

 

[Mandz]

Thank you CLKD

How are you? Xxx

I meant to say I got word yesterday of my psychiatrist refferrel.....29th March! I can hardly believe that with all the begging I've done for help that I've still more than a month to wait.....and that I've possibly got still a looooong haul after that..... Why when your begging for help is it left sooooo long.......don't get me wrong I understand that I'm no-one special but when people are crying out for help that it's soooooo long......

I know this sounds like " poor me" ..... But I just need to vent as it's just "another" pull down

Xxx

[charliegirl]

Hi Mandz, you are not alone with this. It sounds like an anxiety disorder to me with depression as well. I agree with the others, your meds need reviewing. Can you be referred to a psychiatrist, or your local mental health team for support. Why did you come off citalopram? Maybe mertazipam not suiting you. It does have alot of side effects.at the moment you need support. Here are a cuople of Websites: Anxiety UK and Anxiety no More. They are useful. Also take a look at Black Dog Tribe website to see you are. Ot alone. They have a listening service and are always available to talk. Hope that helps a bit.
Love Charliegirl.

[coldethyl]

I know that seems a long way off when you are feeling rubbish but it isn't that far and compared to some areas that is positively quick. I was told by crisis team I needed to see psychologist but waiting list was over 18 months so it is a postcode lottery for mental health support. In the meantime use the space to have a think about what you want to get out of the appointment- it may well be that they refer you to other support such as CBT therapy so be prepared to say whether you think that will help and make sure you get it delivered at higher level rather than by what is usually some sort of IAPT First steps intervention. It is often worth getting in touch with local MIND as they can provide therapy of different sorts alongside any medication that the psychiatrist might suggest. I am not suggesting that therapy alone is the answer but ADs and HRT aren't the whole solution either and it may be that you need a complex package of support - I've certainly found Mindfulness and the various therapies I do helpful in turning down my response to the hormonal upheaval of the perimenopause. I still get days that I feel like ending it all out of nowhere and other physical symptoms I could live without but I try and accept that they will pass if I don't get caught up in them. Easier said than done, I know, but sometimes that is all we can do until things ease. x

[panda123]

Hi Mandz

I ve been where you are - been on too many meds to list here and seen psychiatrists aplenty.  Turns out that it all could have been  sorted out by balancing my hormones.   30 years of mental anguish when I could have been enjoying my life and my family.  I am no expert on anything medical but I think you should think as much about seeing a hormone specialist as a psychiatrist.  I wish you all the luck in the world.

Panda 

[Mandz]

Thank u all....

I've been reading up on evening primrose oil...

Anyone tried. EPO..?

Thank u charliegirl, I was still on citralopram when I started dipping and my doc thought maybe they weren't working for me anymore....hence change of tablets....
I will have a look at websites you have suggested xxx

When everyone's on about balancing their hormones ....how do I know when they are balanced? Is there a blood test ....sounds ignorant I know but I just don't know what the hell IM really dealing with xxx

[CLKD]

That really isn't long to wait!  Around here it's 3 months  - that's after a GP appt. which can take 10 days to fix. 

You will know when your hormones have settled, because you will feel 'better'.  Blood tests are reliably un-reliable because hormones go up and down all the while.  My Gynae refuses to do any, he 'goes' on symptoms.

In the 1990s I had to wait 18 months to see a 'therapist' …….. things really haven't improved in some areas >sigh<

Hormones can play havoc - if you need to read a good web-site have a look at NAPS  - they gave me good advice!

[Mandz]

I know this sounds daft but I'm stressed and anxious about being stressed and anxious!!!

Thanks again CLKD.... I will have a look..

Yes It's such a sin that when it comes to "needing" help that it has to be sooooooo long, especially when even  a day is sooooooo long when you feel worthless .....

I struggled since October till two weeks ago to keep going to work, kept thinking it'll get better I'll be fine......till I had to admit defeat that I wasn't/am not functioning"................now I've too much time to think, I don't want to think

I'm sorry for sounding as if I feel so sorry for myself but I can't keep on telling DH that I'm sad, scared, anxious, empty, lonely .......because I'll just start crying .....and I cry till I'm exhausted if I start.......easier to just be quiet xxxx