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[ruthae]

HI Mandz

I'm havng a pooh day today too... yesterday I felt so much better so it feels doubly yuk today - I hate feeling anxious, I was supposed to be meeting a friend for coffee and she cancelled (for very valid reason), and my boss didn't respond to an email so I've been brooding (in between trying to work from home and do some ironing) as to what I have done wrong - madness.  Going to go for a swim and see if that helps.  Also Mothering Sunday is looming... 

Big hug and take care of yourself - my mantra 'this will pass' and i've been listening to Jesse Glynn's song 'Dont be so hard on yourself'!! 

 

Rx

[Mandz]

Hi ruthae,

How spooky I just messaged you to see how you are doing

I cancelled an evening out with some friends to a quiz night.....organised while back, my friend was lovely about it and understands, but I just couldn't do it!
Was meant to collect my sick note for next week but I just can't face going out the house today.....

Good ur going for a swim, that'll be a huge help...

At least I'm out my bed showered n dressed!!!

I may tackle some ironing later, while watching emmerdale

Hugs m xx

[ruthae]

Ha - must be telepathic! 

I'm lucky there is a gym just round the corner that I joined last week - so not much effort involved, though as you say sometimes just going out the house is an effort.  I'm actually having a swimming lesson - I can't do the under water breathing - trying to remain calm that I can do it...

Right better get my cozi on!

Take care, and thanks for thinking of me

Rx

[Mandz]

Ruthae: well done you, I hoe your swimming went well,

Isn't it a pity a lot of us members on here didn't live nearer each other to give support ( maybe some do)- just to give each other support.... There again a lot of us might not open up as we do on the forum...

These last few days have been a struggle.... My poor father-in-law, (I love him to bits) popped in this morning for a cuppa and I broke down to him and wittered on about menopause, poor man, he was lovely- but when I'm thinking of it now I'm kind of giggling, he must have thought I'd cracked!!!!! He gave me a hug and just said that he just wanted to see me being back to me so just do whatever it takes- he's just a sweetly-pie

Xxx

[ruthae]

Hi Mandz

Hope today is better for you - giggling is great we need to laugh more! - The unpredictable nature of the emotions is a whole thing in itself itsn't it...  I went in to work on Wednesday for a back to work interview (I've been on reduced hours sick leave working from home for 4 weeks) - I've suggested I go back for one day a week and working from home for a couple of days, but I don't know whether it is the right thing even now - they don't tolerate crying very well... it upsets the rest of the workforce...  I need to get a different job, but really not in the right place to do it now!

Yes, I think you are right it can be more difficult to open up in person - though sometimes it just all spills out as you said - we would be one big soggy MM mess.  I ended up crying at my swimming lesson because I couldn't get the legs, arms and breaths to work together (thankfully I had warned the instructor I was menopausal and she was so lovely and caring that made me cry even more!) Luckily the water and goggles disguised the tears and snotty nose!  - I think i might have been a bit too ambitious but it seemed like a good idea when I booked it...  anyway she helped me work through it and now I feel much more confident, so it turned out ok in the end. 

How long have you been on the gel etc now - are you noticing a difference?

Rx   

 

[babyjane]

Mandz I think the forum works because the anonymity makes it easier to open up.  I have belonged to forums in the past and met other members in real life.  It is fine at first but doesn't work out long term because the foundations of friendship that take a while to build are just not there.

I like online friendship, and in its way it is just as real, only more manageable for me as there are less expectations.

If I feel low I always get a lift from reading posts and perhaps responding to a few of them 

[babyjane]

Ruthae, before Christmas I signed up for swimming lessons but only managed 3 weeks, it was too much, the weekly commitment and the physical demand as I can never tell how I feel when the time comes.

I am not saying never, just not now but I was pleased I tried.  there was a time I could not even bring myself to try things.

Be kind to yourself.

[Mandz]

Yes you are right, and I've said previously .....it's easier to write how I feel rather than say it

Awwww ruthae- that's a shame- but my gawd I take my hat off to you for going, I love swimming, it's the freedom feeling I like( in pools where no-one knows me) ......I'm glad your instructor was kind..... But I think u did fab 🐬

I signed up for art classes on Tuesday evenings..... I've been to 4.... It's 2hours of emptying my head of thoughts....I really like it

Ruthae: I've been on gel 4nights now.... I was putting a pump each on each thigh first 3 nights ..... But last night I just put on one pump on my thighs as I read on website it's only meant to be one pump unless advised by doc.... But she never said---- or I can't remember!!!

Ruthae: can you contact HR to help you? Xx

Hugs m x

[Mandz]

Ps: babyjane, I know you will do that lessons, you've the right attitude....🌸

Love m x

[ruthae]

Hi babyjane - I was just reading your post on Therapy in Private Lives when you responded - these coincidences, spooky... 
I have started seeing a Gestalt Councellor, I previously had a few NLP sessions to help me get through a professional viva about 7 years ago but that just helped box up the emotions and move on rather than address the 'roots' as you describe in your post.  I'll post more on your thread - but the question of hormones affecting anxiety and anxiety affecting hormones is a bit  of a quandry...

I just booked one swimming lesson to see how I got on, and am going to practice before I book another, one a week would def be too much.  As Mandz says I am sure you will go back to it.  Mandz - art is great therapy, I did a degree in fine art and worked in a gallery for 15 yrs before my career change.

Mandz, early days with the gel then - fingers crossed.  I've stopped everything for now, to see what happens I feel like the synthetic progesterone has poisoned me and want to get back to what are the 'natural' symptoms until I have an appointment at the NHS meno clinic and can then try the gel to see if that works for me.  I might be being harsh about work, that was their attitude before I got signed off sick - I will see how Tuesday goes, and if bad then maybe HR is the route.  What scares me is that they will take me off the interesting projects and put me on boring stuff because I can't be 'trusted' - and although I can understand that it is the way they are doing it that is making me anxious and 'written-off' (crying at the thought) - deciding what is best for me rather than discussing it with me. I'll get paid the same so I should just let go, but it just feels such a wasted opportunity as I worked really hard to retrain to do this job 10 years ago... 

Did you have bad PMS before the menopause - seems to be a common symptom of progesterone intolerance from other posts - but it wasn't a question the Dr asked me - would have helped if she had!!

Crikey that was a long post - but is does feel good to get it all out...  better go and do something more interesting (remember that programme...?)..

Rx

[Dyan]

Hi Mandz,
Been away and logged on tonight and saw your thread.
I'd just like to say 'well done' and hang on in there.
As in my earlier post I have been where you are.
You have done so well and there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Just want to send you a  X

[Mandz]

Don't worry about it being "long winded".... I'm just glad to get responses....it doesn't make me feel so alone.....or that I'm not just "being daft".    ..... So it probably helps other members reading this(hopefully) because it took me a few days reading others posts to help me


If you feel that your work has taken you off interesting jobs, then that's when HR can step in.....but, maybe you need to just have some work with no pressure just for now! Or are they maybe seeing it as helping you? .......I don't know about you but I seem to analyse things, and I know it's ridiculous, it could be as little as someone not replying quick enough to a text, but my mind goes into overtime.... Maybe they are fed up of me, maybe I've done something to offend them....daft huh!!!??!!

Hugs m xx

[Mandz]

Dyan: thank u so much

I still feel very very emotional,and very wobbled in the mornings, but I can see that I'm improving-not as fast or as big as I would like, but it's there! Being by myself all days the hardest, and going anywhere myself is a huuuuuuge struggle .....

But I'm hanging on ....🌻

Hugs m x

[ruthae]

I know exactly what you mean - I keep doing just that ....'  - classic anxiety behavior!!  I sometimes think my brain is going to explode with over-thinking    And the anxious moments of 'should I send another text, don't want to appear needy, maybe they didn't get the text.   They probably do have my best interest at heart (teenager brain again...) .

How was your day?

Be good if we are helping other people too     

 

[Mandz]

Apart from dissolving in front of my father in law it's been a quiet day
Takeaway this evening

Tomorrow I'm going to do my weekly shop ..... Again not at my local asda..... Can't face that yet.... But at least I'm doing a shop

Hugs m x