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[Clovie]

I want to sincerely thank each one of you who have replied to my post 
You have no idea how much I am grateful for these replies.
I posted at a very very low point, just as I was starting to crawl out of the most awful PMS type depressed time - I still feel bad but thankfully not AS bad, I still know I need to bite the bullet and see a doctor as I am terrified  next month I might go through that again

It always follows the same pattern, I feel so desolate during the 10 days up to a period and as my period tails off I start to feel better and that I can cope with it next time - but the truth is, Im tired of feeling like this, its wearing me out
For the sake of my marriage, my poor husband and kids I need to do something.......

SOOO grateful for the replies as I've said , and answering questions asked now -

Hurdity - yes I suffer these lows cyclically. I was given utrogestan to use every month (12 days supposedly) but I only use it every 3 months or so because it affects me so badly. In between I'm still having my own periods regularly, well, within a 3/4 day window, periods are scant but definitely still there. This bad PMS depressive episode was on the run up to a 'natural' period, so no utrogestan involved, which is scary 

Mary - I'm supposed to take 12 days every month, but I never have, couldn't manage 12 days, usually struggle to manage 10 days at most. I usually bleed after about 5 days utrogestan anyway, I use it about every 3 months.  I was told by my GP a fews years ago before I was on Utrogestan that I could use the then synthetic prog once every 3 month as I was intolerant of prog, so I'm using that advice regarding the utrogestan. I KNOW I shouldn't but at this point I really do not care 
VERY interesting your info from Prof Studd about what intolerant women can use! I'd like to try that 

Orchid - I looked up Dosulepin and was delighted to see that it is a form of Dothiepin!! That is the ONLY thing that worked for me during PND years ago, it helped mre sleep, it was wonderful!  Orchid - are you in the UK? Its just that one time around 3 years ago during my finding out I was progesterone intolerant I asked for Dothiepin and was told it had been taken off the market as it was unsafe?  Was wondering if it had been made available again? 

Thank you all for your good wishes, hugs and encouragement, Im so grateful, you've no idea how much you've all helped.

I will definitely ask for oestrogel instead of elleste. I just need to pluck up courage to see a doctor now....... 

thanks again, and hugs to all who are suffering similarly x

[GypsyRoseLee]

Hi Clovie

Glad you're feeling brighter now. Just wanted to say I really empathise with your first post, I could have written it myself.

We are classic, poster girls for hormonal intolerance according to Prof. Studd. Have you googled his website, and read his case studies? You'll think he's writing about you, personally. He talks about how some women start with a long history of PMS, followed by PND, followed by worsening PMS as they go into middle age and peri. It's a recognised pattern.

Since I turned 40 my PMS really escalated. As soon as I'd ovulated my mood would slump, I'd feel so grey and hopeless. I would be snappy with DH and our DDs and gorging on junk food. It was just wretched. Symptoms wouldn't start to lift until my period was finishing, so I was only getting about 10-12 normal/good days per month.

And then one month the symptoms just stayed all month, and suddenly I started getting random anxiety. That was Nov. 2013 and I have battled the symptoms ever since.

Interesting that you took Doluspine (a tricyclic) when you had PND and liked it. When I had PND I took Amitriptyline (a tricyclic) and loved how it calmed my anxiety and helped me sleep. I found the newer SSRIs didn't make me feel good at all, just tense and wired all the time. I think that hormonal anxiety/depression is quite unique and unlike conventional anxiety.

[Clovie]

My gosh, Gypsy, I agree and identify with every SINGLE last word of your post!!! 

Yep, PND, after all births to a lesser or greater degree, them PMS every month - but strangely much worse after I stopped the BCP, might be coincidence that I was by that time 39, so possibly hormonal changes beginning there... Then like you said, PMS getting longer and longer, managing only a week or so of feeling OK, during PMS times I'd feel useless, shy, sad for no reason, irritable, felt that no-one liked me (we've moved around the UK quite a bit with my hubby's work so I've often been in the position of having to start again making friends, and haven't had the stability of a close family nearby or long standing friendships, which might have helped)
Then edging into perimenopause, more and more PMS type symptoms, then the whole finding out I was prog intolerant......It's been a night mare if I'm totally honest.

Also identify with SSRIs not making a jot of difference to me, apart from bad side effects. Dothiepin was the only thing that made any beneficial difference.

I am now seriously considering going to see Prof Studd, at my HRT review (coming up) I will politely demand the oestrogel and Dosulepin, if I don't get it I will make apt to see him.

Thanks again Gypsy, I really appreciate your input xx

[GypsyRoseLee]

Glad to help Clovie.

I think it helps, in a way, to know it's not 'us' who are going bonkers, it's our hormones, iyswim? I really think this should be a universally recognised and labled condition called 'Hormonal Intolerance Syndrome' or similar. It would make like so much easier for sufferers (so they wouldn't think they were having a breakdown) and clinicians (so they would know what to look for, and correctly prescribe).

When I went to the Meno Clinic the doctor wasn't interested in my bloods. She was only interested in the fact I'd always had PMS, and had gone in to have PND. She told me that, very unfortunately, it was going to be an almost forgone conclusion that I would have a return of my PND symptoms (but minus the baby, obviously) when my periods started getting much lighter and shorter, and I started the perimenopause.

I feel bitterly resentful that I'm having to go through all of this again, just when our children are becoming much more independent, and I should be relaxing more and enjoying life.

I would definitely recommend seeing a proper specialist in hormonal issues, as GPs know so little. I see Annie Evans in 6 weeks and she comes very highly recommended. You might find that if they can get your HRT right you won't need the Doluspine eventually.

Back when I first started with peri I went back on Amitriptyline for 7 months. It definitely helped, and I slept like a log, but I still got breakthrough symptoms of low mood, agitation, panicky, tearfulness etc.

[CLKD]

Insideout - some pro/prebiotics have live bacteria, certainly the LIVE Greek yoghurt that I use helps my gut as well as when I had thrush years ago, applied down there was soothing and cooling 

I have found 'actimel' useful too ……… in keeping my bowels regular which eases any IBS symptoms. Phew ……. stops most of the bloating most of the time.  My Mum uses other similar type drinks ……..

Don't the kidneys detox the body naturally  ……….. Himself tries to cook from 'scratch' most days, we grow as much veg. as we can in our small plot as well as various fruits.  We have gone back to buying meats from the butcher but I do enjoy the odd pizza  ………..

Clovlie - let us know how you get on. Might I suggest that you contact NAPS ? they gave me lots of support when I had bad PMS ……. first advising me to eat every 3 hours, 24/7, 52/12.  Helped keep the blood sugar levels even apparently.  Slow release food stuffs can be useful at this time of Life, i.e. bananas, oats, pasta ……...

[Mary G]

Clovie, thanks for the update and it's good that you are feeling better.  Hope you manage to get the Oestrogel from you doctor, let us know how you get on.

All the best.

[orchid]

New beginnings...so pleased my post helped you! We all need as much support as possible don't we to get through these awful times. Migraine and adrenalin surges for me this morning ugh!! Take care, big hugs x

[Hurdity]

Hi Clovie

Depending on where you are in the UK you may well find that there is a good progressive gynae nearer to you than Prof Studd if you get no joy from your GP - but hopefully you will be successful

Hope you're feeling better today

Hurdity x

[Mishi]

Hi Clovie,

Hope I'm posting in the right place!  You answered my 1st post and I left a quick message/thank you there for you too.
Just wanted to say I hope you feel ready to go and see a GP, as it has to be done in order to get the ball rolling.  I've left it again for ages, just kept putting it off but have finally been talked into making an appointment and already feel better for just taking that small step forward.

I think I kind of understand where your hubby's coming from with the AD's.  I haven't wanted to take that particular path either, mainly because of a loved one in the past having a really hard time on them - that was valium though and it was many years ago and I know they've greatly improved in range and quality.  If you feel they may help you at the moment then surely you have to at least try them.

So much good advice, support and wisdom here.  It's given me a lift in itself.

Best wishes Clovie!

Keep on keeping on and we'll all get there eventually, probably be knackered though...   

[CLKD]

Valium is an anti-anxiety medication these days.  For short-time use only.  ADs have improved as has knowledge about prescribing.

[Clovie]

Thanks for all the input once again, I am, again, so very grateful. 

About going to the doctors...arrgh... so nervous about going  ......Hubby away on business now until Thursday night but he told me he would take care of it all for me when I broke down and told him I was throwing the towel in and wanted to try ADs.

He was so sweet. He knows I really have a ‘thing' about doctors that I avoid going, that it makes me feel ill, and I don't trust doctors (just because of things that have happened in past) He said he would make the appointment for me (in case the receptionist is snappy) and he would come with me and support me fully. He wants me feeling better. 

I can't blame him for not wanting me on Ads initially - I suppose I've always been of the same mind as my hubby regarding ADs I suppose. I've always seen taking them as being a failure. Like I ought to be strong?
I'm also afraid I won't be allowed to come off them. I feel I'm signing myself over in a way and fear I may get locked up. I KNOW this sounds  so stupid but it has stopped me seeing my GP in the past about PMS and lingering PND, as cards on the table, I was afraid I'd have the children taken away if I admitted to just feeling down (again I KNOW this is stupid!!! – it's just I had an ex who always threatened this and I've lived in fear of something like this ever since )  I think I've seen too many old films where women were 'carted off' somewhere...
 
Anyway, I'm older now, the kids are all older, and I know they wouldn't be removed from me. I'm nowhere near  bad enough to be locked up. I just get ‘down' as a result of hormonal swings. 

Thing is, when I DO go to doctors I just know I'll cry  I know I'll not explain myself correctly, I'll be all garbled and jumbled. I always am. I feel I don't have the time to explain my problem, that the doctor is looking at the clock.
I've had panic attacks in doctors waiting rooms before , my fear of going to the doctors is that bad! I feel doctors don't listen anyway....

Any-hoo. Thanks for reading if you've got this far, I think I feel a bit better for getting all that out.
There it is. “My name is Clovie – and I'm afraid of going to the doctors.”   

Sending best wishes, good vibes and big hugs to all who are suffering in any way due to menopause. Who'd be a woman, eh?   

[SadLynda]

HOpefully you are feeling a little better with husband to help?  I was the same with doctors, and for same reason as they had no interest in me and offered no help.  So, I changed and changed again, I am now lucky enough to have a great GP (at last) who prescribed my AD's and keeps a close eye on me, she has told me it is all entirely up to me how long and what dose I take, as I feel sure it will be with you, you only need to take them for as long as you feel you need too.  When I started I thought that would be just short term, but now I do feel it will be a bit longer and I know I have the support of a great GP to keep an eye on me, I have gone from visiting GP each week to 3 weekly now, never been there so often and also scared to make appointments so they do that for me before I leave, I also have the on-line facility to do it that way too.  Though the receptionist at the new GP is also lovely.
There is no shame to getting the help you need, hopefully you will be like me in a few weeks time and just wish you had done it sooner.  Nothing beats feeling more like your old self, I spent 3.5 years not being.

[CLKD]

When we feel low we can imagine and feel everything you describe.  Maybe your husband needs to make a double appt. or one at the end of the day when you don't feel rushed.  I take a list with me when stressed, hand to my GP and ask him to work through the essentials with me.

Let us know how you get on!

[Nuttymum70]

Hello new on here but reading your post Clovie ,that is me !! I hate all this anxiety and panic as I feel stupid as why am I like this, I have a happy marriage, kids and grandchildren, nice job and great friends so why do I feel like my life is shit? I am 45  , 46 on Sunday, have been feeling like this for about 6mths or so, had blood tests for everything which was awful as had panic attack whilst taking blood! My GP says my hormones are up and down and thinks I'm peri menopausal, I am on antidepressants Sertraline which really help as I think if I wasn't on them I would be a complete mess, I get hot flushes which make me feel dizzy which starts off my anxiety, my sex life is non existent,but hubby has been so understanding,I have awful hair and nails and can't sleep, what a dream eh ? I'm on the mini pill so I don't have periods so couldn't tell by them but everything else ticks the boxes, I do try and stay positive but it's hard but talk to your GP it helps xx

[Clovie]

I'm sooo glad you've got the support of a good helpful GP now Sadlynda!  That makes all the difference, I had a lovely GP once in another area, but that was years ago before all this meno stuff. I long for someone like her again.

Yes CLKD, and thanks. Ill def ask hubby to make a double appointment, and write some notes in case I crumble. (huh, I know I will!!)

Nuttymum (I'm sure you're not! ) I'm sorry you're feeling like this too Seems there's an awful lot of us suffering almost identical feelings.

I feel for ladies suffering this back in 1930s- 1960s? (not sure which decades, well, in the past anyway) who were given tranquillizers and left to their own devices, or put into asylum type places. 

I just want the old me back - I want to feel normal? At the moment I feel a touch better but still haven't left the house for days because hubby away with work. I'm scared to drive plus I just cannot face going out. I hate that I'm like this, but feel powerless to change it....

Sending hugs and tonnes of support to those who need it, and massive thanks to those offering support on this thread. Appreciate it more than you know x