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[Justjules]

Sparkle, a lot of my recent depression is actually to do with my daughter.  Her and my OH are generally on the same 'side' as she doesn't 'get' anxiety or depression either. She was with her OH from when they were 17 until 3 years ago when out of the blue, they split up and although amicable, was obviously hard. We were there obviously to pick up the pieces but she has someone new and is completely besotted and happy, which I am really pleased about but she has gone very, very selfish to the point that we are not really involved her or the grandchildren's lives a lot now and although they live close to us, her time is spent with new man and his kids. I know we were lucky to have had family holidays with them and spent most weekends with them but not now so I have found it hurtful and hard to come to terms with.

Limpy, just afraid that as soon as you say you have anxiety, the magic pills come out and all the symptoms get ignored so even though I didn't want to go for tests, now I am thinking in my warped way that I do, that she is just giving me the tablets to calm me down so that she can send me for the tests!!!

CLKD, son is having a word with OH about support. He is brilliant with me thank goodness, so I have somebody on side. OH is a bit Aspergers we joke! He doesn't do 'empathy' or 'sympathy' so yes, I often wonder how he would cope with serious stuff. He is practical but makes my stress much worse.

Sorry, this thread has turned into more anxiety related than meno but Dr dismissed suggestion of meno problems and concentrated on my usual anxiety and depression. She wasn't my usual GP so that didn't help.

Thanks again all, it really means a lot to have you all listen to me whinging on.  CLKD, are MIND good? I am going to pay to go and see my lovely therapist again but it's not cheap. Drs just dish out the tablets and u less you want to wait 12 weeks for CBT, which I didn't find helpful, you're on your own.

[CLKD]

I sent an e-mail to ask what services are provided locally and was made very welcome by e-mail …….. services listed, times available sent, no pressure to attend.

How much do you love your OH?  Can you 'put up' with his outbursts ………..

Maybe print off the 'advice for husbands' on here and hand over? or get him to go along to your GP with you so that he can gain an insight?  As for your daughter, well she's in love  which is selfish.  Different set of hormones going on there 

Do you keep in touch with the grandchildren by letter/e-mail etc.?  I assume that they are your daughter's?

[limpy]

Limpy, just afraid that as soon as you say you have anxiety, the magic pills come out and all the symptoms get ignored so even though I didn't want to go for tests, now I am thinking in my warped way that I do, that she is just giving me the tablets to calm me down so that she can send me for the tests!!!

Not certain that "symptoms were ignored", the doctor did refer to past ECGs, no heart problems were found then. The symptoms she saw yesterday she felt would be best treated by Sertraline. Perhaps she felt it would calm you down enough so as not to trigger more episodes of chest pain/discomfort that have upset you so much.

Don't think "she is just giving me the tablets to calm me down so that she can send me for the tests" If she felt tests would help, at any stage, you would have been referred there and then.

GPs haven't got much they can offer, sadly tablets are prescribed as that is the main tool in their armoury.

[Justjules]

CLKD....I'll look up that advice and see what it says.  Can't bear to go into long winded tale of how hard my marriage has been.  Yes, I see the kids in the car daily as we car share to work and we drop them off at school.

Limpy, I panic because I believe ecgs aren't reliable and don't diagnose blocked arteries without further testing.

I made myself go to the park with OH and my son's dog this morning but it was like walking through treacle and I couldn't do longer than 20 mins then it upsets me that there were OAPs in there walking further than me so I automatically assume it's a heart problem and then heard somebody older talking about a Zumba class and that also depressed me as I get shattered when I did Pilates.

[Justjules]

Also, sat here just watching TV...got really horrible pains in both  lower forearms and felt a bit off, heart beating quicker and went flushed so then panicking it was the start of a heart attack....then passes off.....can't cope with this. There are so many true stories on Google about women's heart attacks being different than men's and people just having random arm pains....I'm having smelt down now. Supposed to be seeing friends tonight and going to fret all night now thinking about my imminent demise

[CLKD]

That sounds like an adrenaline rush to me - starts with me like hot water through my veins and when it first happened to me I thought I had something really serious  - still here!

Did you go out? 

Marriage or partnership?  If it's hard work for you both maybe some frank discussions about how to cope - make a list of commitments you all have, we use a 'his and hers' calendar; sort out housework chores perhaps to lessen the stressors …… have you tried the Wooden Spoon method?

""Wooden spoon" therapy - i.e. each person holds the spoon and speaks for 10 mins .......... others jot down responses then get the chance to discuss. " no one is allowed to speak unless they have the spoon 

[Justjules]

Yes, I did go out but didn't enjoy it, as I don't enjoy anything nowadays. I was on alert all night and I know our friends thought I was miserable. The wife is one of my best friends and I told her the other day how bad I was so she understood.  She is coping with her elderly father dying at the mo, and that makes me really upset too...it's all sadness and gloom. Off to my mums to take her for her shopping so she will no doubt be telling me off after worrying her so not looking forward to that. Woke up again with a dull ache in my chest so trying to convince myself that I can't be having a heart problem EVERY bloomin day for so long.....then I'm fretting about blood test tomorrow and possible bad result...arrrrrrrghhhhh!!!!!! Never ends.

[babyjane]

It can, and does end Jules. You just haven't found the right way of coping/dealing/treating it yet.

For me it is a combination of menopause, hormonal upheaval and psychological issues and it is a long road, no overnight cure. But I am better than I was a year ago.

[susan14]

Hi, just wanted to say that I know how you feel. This HA has really got a grip on me the past couple of years (55yrs) It is debilitating and all consuming. Gp put me on fluoxetine 20mg. After a horrendous couple of months of side effects I think it is helping. I still get attacks and am at the moment terrified of having Interstitial Cystitis as I have had 4 days of symptoms! I catastrophise every symptom, not helped by the fact I am a nurse.
I too had chest pains a couple of years ago but was reassured it was stress and sure enough when I relaxed about it the pain left. Easier said than done. Our mind is a  powerful organ and can tell us we are experiencing pain when there is no cause.
I hope and pray you / we find some peace with this. The first step is to share because knowing we are not alone in itself is powerful

[Justjules]

Susan, thanks for that.  Sorry to hear you are struggling yourself.  I can't believe just how many of us are and yet I look around and everybody seems to be behaving normally?!!!  Mind you, so am I - sat here at work will full face paint on as usual, just acting normal and getting on with work but silently sobbing with the frustration of it all.

[losttheplot]

I am sorry that you are suffering so much at the moment. HA is (or appears to be ) quite common at our stage of life. I just wish we heard more about it on tv, social media etc so there was a wider understanding & help available. 

For what its worth -you are not alone. At the moment i am right in the middle of HA because im in pain. The pain is very real, the cause is less certain 

I  understand the doubt you feel, but i hope you feel better soon.

[booboo]

HUGS Justjules
know exactly how you feel

[Justjules]

Thanks BooBoo.  Just want to be normal with normal responses to fears.

Sorry Lostheplot, didn't see your kind post the other day. Hope you are feeling better yourself.

[joyce21]

Oh ladies, I came on here in the hope someone would be feeling the same as me, and I'm not going round the twist, I have such health anxiety, I can go along feeling fine, then a pain somewhere send me into a spin, and I'm even getting on my own nerves lol, I went to the theatre on Friday evening with my daughter (I work in the box office there) and I spoilt the 1st half for myself by thinking I was having a stroke, I did'nt say anything to her, but it spoils going out grrrrr. I won't go to the doc's as last time she told me my BP was up, which it always is when I go, but now any kind of pain in my head must be high bp lol, and last night I had a pain in the centre of my tummy, which I convinced myself was an aortic anyurism, I don't tell my hubby much, he's very supportive, but we have only been married a couple of years, and I don't want him to think he's married an old crock xx

[CLKD]

What symptoms did you have though  ……. you've seen the advert shown last year?  FACE?  I think it was headed.  The worst time for me is if I get a sudden sharp pain in the side of my head, then I wait to see if it's a stroke …….. and when I get heart burn into my lower chin, jaws and back of my ears, then it's probably a heart attack.  So far though, the symptoms have gone and I've woken up alive each morning.  But for a while I am worried, so much so that I can't summon the words to wake Himself.  It is always at night!