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[honorsmum]

I posted last week about pain and an AWOL period.
Period showed up and I thought the pain had gone. However, I am still getting an almost constant heavy/dragging sensation low down in my abdomen, along with intermittent low back pain. I occasionally get right handed stabbing pain in my groin.
The discomfort is worst when I am sitting down - it feels like there is a load of tennis balls or something in my abdomen.
Reading around the forum, I'm wondering if it could be an ovarian cyst, or maybe some kind of prolapse? I mentioned to DH sometime ago that I look "unzipped" down below (can't think if a better way to describe it!), and can see what looks like a bulge showing close to my perineum (think that's where it is). It is most noticeable when I sit on the loo.

I have Crohn's and IBS, so obviously spend a fair amount of the time on the loo!

I'm getting myself into a total twist about it all. I hate going to the doctor, but this isn't going away and it's not very comfortable quite a lot of the time.

[limpy]

Honorsmum - Even though you don't want to see a Dr it would be best to get it checked out to find out what it is.

[honorsmum]

Thank you, Lumpy, I know you're right.
It's so hard - I recently received a poison pen letter, telling me that I am a massive hypochondriac who feigns illness at every opportunity, in order to get my husband running around after me. It said that they felt sorry for my children and husband having to be saddled with me.
My Crohns was misdiagnosed as "anxiety" for over 6 months, by which time I was very ill and had had a breakdown of sorts. That is why I avoid seeing doctors as much as possible - I get myself into a total state.
I feel so uncomfortable and anxious, I need to see a GP. Hate, hate, hate it.

[limpy]

Oh Pet no wonder you feel down.
Ignore that ridiculous horrid letter - the moron who sent it is beneath contempt.
Your Crohns is real it's not made up.
The lump you describe is real and needs checking out.

[honorsmum]

Thank you so much for your understanding, Limpy.
 I know an amount of what I'm feeling is pure anxiety. Getting a diagnosis for Crohn's was so difficult, it really affected how I feel about doctors. My GP at the time actually said, "It isn't Crohns - if it was, you'd be really ill." - I was passing diarrhoea with blood twenty times a day, lost half a stone in a weekend, could barely function, was in pain, but she didn't believe me.
A similar thing happened concerning my daughter. When she was little, she never behaved like other children. I raised it with my health visitor, who told me that I was obviously an over-anxious mum who wasn't coping and must have PND. Eventually, my daughter was diagnosed with ADHD.
I am now so scared of seeing health professionals, for fear of being thought of as anxious or hypochondriac.

[Ju Ju]

The person who sent this letter is ill. It is not personal; it's about this person. It has reactivated past insecurities, so that you start questioning yourself as if you deserve this abuse. You do not. There is never any excuse for such abusive behaviour. If you receive any more, pass the letters to the police.

As to your present health issues, please seek medical advice. See a doctor. Take your husband or friend in with you initially for confidence. You have physical symptoms. We've all had experiences of being dismissed over things that either required attention or reassurance. I have to say I have had excellent service from the young GPs who have recently joined my surgery. Let us know how you get on. Write down what you are worried about in order to clarify things in your mind or to refer to when seeing the doctor.

[honorsmum]

Thank you, Sparkle and Ju Ju.

I have changed doctors surgery this year and have yet to see any of the new GPs. Maybe fresh ears will make it easier for me?
Ju Ju, you have hit the nail on the head. The letter hit my weak spot, as it was intended to do. I feel ashamed and embarrassed that someone feels so strongly towards me as to be motivated to send such a letter - is that what people really think about me? Do people dislike me that much?
Crohn's is such an unglamorous, unpleasant disease - I don't feel I can easily talk about it, so maybe people believe that I'm not ill because they can't see any outward sign of it?

I will make appointment next week. My husband has already offered to come with me. I feel better just from being able to offload here - thank you.x

[Kathleen]

Hello honorsmum.

I agree with the other ladies, the letter writer is the one with the problem, not you.

I have had bowel issues all my adult life always being told it was IBS. When I mentioned to a GP that my Aunt had Ulcerative Colitis and our symptoms were similar my dismissive GP said it couldn't be UC because I had yet to be hospitalised! I was eventually diagnosed with UC five years ago.

Many women have fibroids, cysts and a prolapse so it wouldn't be unusual if you had these issues and your doctor would see plenty of these cases,  it's certainly nothing to do with hypochondria.

You are perfectly entitled to the correct help and treatment and I hope your doctor is both sympathetic and efficient.

I wish you well and do please keep us updated.

Take care.

K.

[Ju Ju]

Yes, it hurts and it is bewildering, particularly when you don't know who sent the letter. I have been the target of abusive behaviour from someone I knew and tolerated it because a part of me thought I deserved it. I worked with a life coach who helped me turn this around. He said, "what's there not to love about you?" I say that to you. By letting it affect you, you are colluding with them and becoming a victim. By making a choice, you can stop this bullying harming you. As I said before, pass any more letters to the police. I doubt you are the only person to receive a letter from this dysfunctional person.

All the best with your visit to the doctor.

On a light note, my DH had to see a consultant about lesions he gets on his skin. With the consultant was a student doctor. The consultant was busy writing notes, barely looking at him. It was at the time of comic relief red noses and for some reason, DH had one in his pocket. He put it on his nose then complained about his nose becoming red. The student was convulsed in laughter while the consultant carried on scribbling away. Eventually, she did look up to see what was going on and joined in the laughter. A lesson learned, perhaps in having eye contact and people skills? Doctors are just people.

[groundhog]

Hello honorsmum,  sorry you are feeling like this.  That letter was just nasty and the person who wrote it must have serious problems.  I have Chrons and initially I was labelled a worrying neurotic new mother but the evidence soon became hard to ignore.  I had a bag but then developed endometriosis - again not easy to diagnose.  But until this year when life came crashing down,  I looked quite well and was never underweight like many Chrons patients so I think many people felt I was putting it on so to speak,  and boy does that hurt.  Especially when you are struggling to come to terms with a life long illness it's the last thing you need.
Hope you feel more confident with your new doctor and are able to move forward with this .  Maybe then you will feel more confident - plus of course this is an amazing forum where you will find lots of support - trust me I know xx
Keep posting and sharing - you are not alone xx

[honorsmum]

I am so touched by your replies - thank you.xxx

I am fairly certain I know who wrote the letter. It is someone who was once a friend, who obviously knows about my illness and how it affects me. What makes it difficult is that I still have to see this person - she is a mum at my son's school. She has always been at the centre of everything - loud and outspoken - and seems to draw people to her. The sense of injustice I feel is overwhelming - she is larging it up, while I do my best to avoid her and can't expose her for the nasty, sick individual she is.
I was bullied in my school days and went on to an abusive relationship in my 20's, so yes, this has stirred up all those feelings of being a victim and powerless.

I am actually feeling a lot better today, physically and mentally. Talking about all this is so cathartic, and this is a wonderful place to be able to do so.x

[limpy]

HM - It's good you're feeling better in yourself today.

I think Ju Ju's comment about passing letters to the police, should any more arrive, is extremely sensible.
So, keep the wretched thing but don't look at it, put it at the back of a deep dark drawer.

Re the lady who may be the source of the letter, the best thing to do is ignore her as much as you can. If she insists on saying anything to you perhaps mention, in passing, you've had some strange unpleasant letters and have been advised to pass them to the police. Perhaps ask her what she would do in your situation.

It's good your husband has offered to come with you to the Dr, it always helps having two people then you can make sure you don't forget anything that is said to you during the appointment, and ask everything you want.

[honorsmum]

Thank you, Limpy.
We did actually speak to the police when the letter first arrived (we had been involved with a sergeant earlier in the year, over an unrelated incident). He said that they could visit the person in question and issue a warning that they believed she was intending to commit a criminal offence; 2 instances of malicious communication constitutes an offence.
After much thought, I decided not to go down that route, as the person in question has recently left her partner and her 2 children have been through a very difficult time - it didn't seem fair to put them through more upset because if their mother's behaviour.
Shortly after the letter arrived and I had decided not to act on it, her ex partner was diagnosed with lymphoma. Now, of course, she is playing the tragic (ex)wife and has people running around after her, feeling sorry for her etc. It is sickening.

[Ju Ju]

You did what felt right and comfortable for you. Do not hesitate to follow through if she sends another letter. As you say, this lady is in a bad way. She is hurting and hitting out at other people. She saw you as a convenient victim, but don't be. And yes, avoid her. Well why would you want to be near her? You have responded with kindness. Well done!

[BrightLight]

Hi Honorsmum, sorry that you are having a 'blip' with things - I remember the conversations earlier this year around Dr's and surgeries.  I avoided mine and didn't sign up with a new one, but then I felt I needed to go because my periods were 'freaking' me out.  Long story short, I have found a Dr at the surgery who I feel OK with, she is older than me, straight forward, able to make eye contact and listen.  I think she appreciates my anxiety but also listens to the practical, real concern that goes along with that (previous Dr kept focussing on the anxiety part only).

So, I really encourage you to have hope that a good GP for you will present themselves, it makes the world of difference.  I am still anxious about all things medical, but at least I have a chance of building trust with this Dr and not feeding anymore anxiety than I need to by avoiding going.

Regarding the letter you received, that is just horrible.  I have only been on the receiving end of what I would consider malicious behaviour a couple of times and once I also knew the person.  I was so shocked at her take on things - I had to avoid her completely and keep my head straight about things.  Please take no notice of the letter.  It really is about her and perhaps jelousy or something else she needs that she feels you are getting or shouldn't be getting - basically it's just messed up projection on you.  Nothing whatsoever to do with who you are or your circumstances.  People can be cruel and thoughtless. x