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[babyjane]

I have recently been diagnosed with anxiety and depression by my GP and am waiting for CBT.  I'm hoping it will help me make sense of issues that have dogged me for most of my life that have recently refused to stay buried.  One of my main phobias is what people think of me (or more accurately what I think people think of me).

As a result I am getting myself into a steamed up mess already about two major large family social events that are happening next summer.  Reason tells me this is silly because who knows how I will feel in 7/8 months time.  But this is now, and I am worrying unduly both about the events themselves and disappointing/letting people down if I can't manage them. Or even worse, doing them and making myself terribly unwell.

Will someone please talk some sense into me as I am not listening to myself 

[Angel45]

I have had to talk myself into going a dog show today where I know friends are just in case I feel ill, fall over or something else happens, it's a horrible feeling and hard to explain, easy to say it's ages away, I got from here 'turn your what it's into so what's ' I try to do this, I try breathing exercises and chewing gum seems to have become my comfort blanket.
I suppose the only thing I can suggest is think if you have anything that helps you to feel better and ensure you have that with you, I always have a bottle of water and chewing gum with me now.

Hope it all goes well for you

A

[Joyce]

It's easy to avoid situations, just in case. Know I have. It's finding a way to cope that's hard. I did a spell of CBT earlier this year & though it hasn't cured me completely I'm more able to rationalise situations, making it easier to cope.  Breathing works, I also have chewy sweets in my bag. Still get blips, yesterday being one, but I was able to walk away & come back to it once I felt better. Everyone finds their own "safe place." My CBT specialist said imagining yourself in a good place, like a beach or something helps.

[babyjane]

My problems begin with the journey, being worried about traffic jams and the like.  Then the hotel as I don't usually sleep well away from home.  then the food as my IBS plays up with anything other than plain home cooked food.  then the social interaction and constant noise as I don't hear well when surrounded by background noise.  It is not a conventional wedding either which makes me feel less than relaxed, and then there's all the people I don't know..................  I can feel myself talking myself into all sorts of anxiety just thinking about it.

I do hope the CBT helps turn my mindset a little cubagirl, I am really banking on it.

Thanks for your replies, I feel better for laying it down as I have struggled this weekend with just some pre christmas family visitors that I know and I am worried all over again now. My comfort zone is being sorely threatened.

[Kathleen]

Hello babyjane.

Social gatherings worry me as well, infact being social at all can be difficult and this has only really started with the menopause so hormones also play a big part in this. I think feeling 'unnerved' for whatever reason is bound to make us feel less friendly.

When I joined the forum I remember ladies talking about taking their 'rescue remedies' with them everywhere they went.  Some women  just used the products you can buy while others added some water, painkillers, sweets and medication. I also recall being told never to share your stash because you may not have enough left for yourself!

I wish I had the answer to it all but I do know that talking to the ladies here and feeling supported and understood has been a huge comfort and has made a lonely journey a lot more bearable.

Wishing you well and take care.

K.

[babyjane]

Thank you Kathleen x

[CLKD]

I'm the same, have been like it since age 3! 

If I have an event away from home then we book into a Hotel.  That way I have my own bathroom, don't have to worry about traffic and clothing can hang for 24 hours so they don't need ironing.

In the mean time sit and watch people - how many are looking at YOU!  Most are busy worrying about themselves in the same way as you are doing.  If you have people in your family that you don't want to engage with then have a plan of escape 

[getting_old]

I hate social situations and avoid them as much as possible, however reading your first post reminded me of a saying someone once said to me years ago which I always use when I have to go to an event, "are you so vain that you assume you are the focus of everyone's attention, that they don't have more important things to think about". That said I know there are people out there who will look at everyone and try to see the bad - I grew up with one of those people (my mother) but their opinions just shouldn't matter.
For some of the things you mention in your second post it's all about planning as CLKD says, book into a hotel (although I do agree about not sleeping as well), take some snacks in your handbag (I did a course with a friend once and she brought food for the entire week!), etc.
Oh, and just let the other people talk and they will think you are wonderful as most people just love talking about themselves 

[Dorothy]

Plan ahead.

Work out coping strategies you can put into action BEFORE the stress goes through the roof - e.g. go for a breath of fresh air outside or take refuge in the loo if the reception is in a posh hotel (one wedding I went to, the ladies washroom even had armchairs and some magazines...strongly tempted to hole up there for the duration!)

Think of the worst that could possibly happen and then ask...well, how bad is that?

Remind yourself that everyone else is probably far too busy stressing about how they look/feel/sound to spare any thought for you!

I'll never forget envying another girl for being so confident and poised in social situations...until the moment she turned to me and asked me how I managed to be so confident in social situations!!!  And all the time, I was convinced I looked like a complete idiot, nervous, shaking, tongue-tied and red faced!  I've never forgotten that lesson, and it really helps to remind me that everyone else is probably feeling as bad as I am!