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[GypsyRoseLee]

I think you're spot on dazned. I am just like that. I think I wanted too long before trying hormonal help, and had just got too low and desperate. So you clutch at anything to help, then panic that it hasn't helped after just a few days. So you clutch at something else. And it's a downward spiral from there.

I do think that having 2-3 months of pre loading with oestrogen before adding any progesterone to the mix, would have benefitted me far more. Hopefully got me to a point where I felt stronger and more robust to deal with the side effects of progesterone.

Instead, I was already falling deeper and deeper down a dark hole, and clutching at HRT was like clutching at spiders webs for support.

[Chi chi]

Have you put on weight or has the weight re-distributed? My apron dropped in April  but I haven't gained weight. 

Like you, on good days I can't remember what it feels not to be …… and when I feel ill, the same  [if that makes any sense at all  ]

No I've put on everywhere! Boobs, tummy, hips, tops of legs, waist 

[CLKD]

Oh dear 

[Hurdity]

Sorry to hear that Chi chi...

Apron CLKD  ??

All of you girls - I really feel for you and sorry I can't help,  but I hope that you all manage to sort out the right treatment so that you feel positive and well for more of the time than not (normal pms aside...) 

Hurdity x

[GypsyRoseLee]

That's sweet of you Hurdity.

My biggest fear is that I'm going to be wrestling with hormonal anxiety and depression for years and years yet. I am still only 45, so potentially another 8-10 years yet. That thought makes me die inside. All the women in my maternal line seem to have early menopause. My Auntie was 38. One cousin was only 28, the other was 43. I suspect my Mum would have also had an early menopause lime her sister, because she started suffering with cyclical anxiety and depression in her late 30s ( just like me) but she had a surgical menopause at 42. So I don't know about her?

If I knew for certain that all this crap would be behind me in 2 or even.3 years time, I could cope with that. I would have a finishing line to aim for. But it's the not knowing that U find so frightening and soul destroying.

[CLKD]

GRL - when I was severely depressed and when the anxiety took over, I thought I would never feel well … that I would never get into town to shop again …… that I would never go on holiday.  However, with a supportive GP and loving husband I am getting there.  The thing is to not give up, to take time 'out' as necessary, to visit your GP sooner rather than later.  Have little treats, i.e. a bubble bath or Very Good Book.

When at my worst I would head to town but not be able to get out of the car  .  As I began to improve I went into stores to browse, not stopping long enough to queue for goods and eventually I was able to buy stuff.  For years I did most of my main present shopping via catalogue, the 1st to arrive in Sept. got the Order.  Even now I buy stuff through the year 'ready'.  Paper and cards the same.

I never allow my fridge/freezer/pantry (there's posh  ) to run down so I'm not backed into a corner.  I shop when it's likely to be quieter.  Coping strategy that has worked for me on most days.

[GypsyRoseLee]

Very wise words CLKD, thank you.

The only other time I have been like this was when I had PND. Back then I had to pace myself. Never take on too much. Just live a much smaller, quieter life for a couple of years. Spent many afternoons lying on sofa, not asleep, just eyes shut and drifting (DC was at nursery). Think this really helped 'heal' my stressed out psyche.

[CLKD]

Similar hormonal upheaval can be causing your recent symptoms.  Addressing the depression may well be the way to go, allowing you to see the wood for the trees.

How's your weekend so far?

[Sbaker659]

Hi what is AD please?

[CLKD]

 

AD = anti-depressant medication
AB = anti-biotic
DH - dear husband
DD = dear daughter

Browse round, make notes 

Oh - Hurdity: apron is the bit of belly below the belly button - firm until April when it suddenly dropped due to the muslce laxity 

[GypsyRoseLee]

Yes, you're right. I recognise this type of anxiety and low mood as I felt just the same with PND. It's a peculiar panicky type of depression, very different to just feeling very fed and despondant. So I can only conclude that it's hormones again this time.

Not doing too bad tonight, thanks. I feel okay, but it's a very fragile type of 'okay' if that makes sense? Like it would take very little to tip me over into anxiety/panic again.

I honestly think that if I could escape to an old fashioned sanatorium for 3 months I would make a full recovery. Just zero stresses, nothing to cope with, no demands etc.

[CLKD]

I agree.  Sometimes I want to walk away from it all and have a complete break; from other people who annoy me, from the worry surrounding buying gifts for people particularly at this time of year.  Could you have a massage gift token for a present or is there a retreat locally that you could visit occasionally for some time out?  Your Church may well have advice as to where to take some rest. 

[BrightLight]

GypsyRoseLee really hope that the AD help ease things for you.  What a journey you are on x 

I'm not sure that lighter periods always means low estrogen, I have been down the road of thinking which hormone is up or down myself and got to the point where, in general it is very hard to be sure.  If you haven't had any hormone testing on a consistant basis I think the best way to look at things is that there is an imbalance.  I really know that isn't easy to accept, because how the heck do you solve it!  But, I really do think in reality, all hormones are going up and down etc and given that HRT didn't appear to sort the problem enitrely, I think you are dealing with other things at the same time.

I have and am being treated for emotional trauma symptoms, I wasn't really aware of this when my own perimenopause symptoms started, which in hindsight I really don't know if they were classic or that everything going on (perimenopause and trauma) was just sending EVERYTHING haywire.  Thyroid, adrenal stress, cortisol levels, estrogen, progesterone, blood sugar levels etc.  Like you, I have had to tackle things bit by bit,  like piecing a puzzle together.

I DO feel a lot better than I did, I think it is a combination of my  body adjusting to new hormone levels  (wherever they might be)  & accepting that is something I cannot entirely control and my treatment for the trauma related anxiety.  I also have no idea how long things will go on, I am also 45 and also had several years of very high stress before all this.

I say, treat the primary symptom and it sounds like the mood, anxiety and depression are key for you and your current approach is addressing that - try and leave the rest to do as it will (for now) and see what the AD's do over the next few weeks.

Please keep the faith that this journey of unknowns will end, you will come out the other side and hopefully memories of it all will fade.  x

[GypsyRoseLee]

What a lovely post, thank you BrightLight.

I think I have just been the victim of bad timing. Several years of living under a lot of stress & uncertainty, followed by my body entering an early peri menopause.

Ironically the majority of my stressful issues have now been happily resolved and the future is looking much brighter and more peaceful. It's a damned shame that my peri menopause couldn't have waited a couple of bloody years.

I most likely would have been able to cope with it so much better, if it had arrived now, or ideally in 6-12 month's time so I would have been able to enjoy several months of stability and peaceful.

But no, it had to begin right at one of the most stressful times in my life.

I am willing to see how I respond to taking Mirtrazapine over the next 2.5 weeks until I see my consultant. I even removed my 50mg patch this morning to see how I go on totally hormone free (well you know what I mean) for the next 2.5 weeks.

I am tempted to just stay on Mirtrazapine for the next 6-8 months, with no HRT involved. That way I can see what is happening physically with my own cycle. At 45 I have lasted much longer, still having periods, than any other woman in my family. All my female relatives, on my Mum's side, were post menopause by their late 30s or early 40s. I am 45! I am really, really hoping that I will be post menopause soon, and all these horrific fluctuations will calm down, making it easier to treat them with HRT.

Even if (hopefully) Mirtrazapine effectively treats the anxiety/mood swings but my periods do dwindle and disappear in (hopefully) the next couple of years, I will still need HRT go protect my bones and heart.

[CLKD]

Stress is known to affect hormones !  Hopefully the AD you have been prescribed will ease symptoms so tha thou can see the wood for the trees