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[star35]

Just how I feel.

[babyjane]

Hormonal turmoil at menopause saps your confidence which, in turn, means you can't deal with things in the same way.  Then you lose even more confidence and things become a real struggle.  the two things most affected seem to be work and social events.

I don't know what the answer is but I know that avoiding events doesn't help as you gradually get isolated.  I have found that being honest about how I feel helps to offset things and tells people that I am not able to manage as well as I once did just at the moment. If they don't like it then that is their problem, not mine. Most people seem to understand or try to anyway.

[star35]

I used to avoid events but in the long term it did make things worse. Explaining to people does help depending on who they are.I have lost friends over the years through lack of understanding but I now take the view that if they dont understand then it is their problem not mine. I have my own problems to worry about I can't worry about what they might think.

[CLKD]

The people I don't tell are close family. ……… don't want to be justifying myself all the while nor do I want them watching me constantly to see if I'm going to panic 

Friends - many walked away in the mid 1990s, they couldn't accept that some days I was able, others I couldn't leave the house   

[star35]

That's exactly how I feel, plus if I am having a really bad time I prefer no one to see me.

[CLKD]

Are you my twin ? 

How do you feel this morning?  Still 'away' …….

[CLKD]

Click, click  - read your 'pearl wedding' thread 

[star35]

Still away untill friday.having a really good day not under pressure to do any thing. Had a 5k walk this morning and into the pub for lunch.

[SadLynda]

The people I don't tell are close family. ……… don't want to be justifying myself all the while nor do I want them watching me constantly to see if I'm going to panic 

Friends - many walked away in the mid 1990s, they couldn't accept that some days I was able, others I couldn't leave the house   

I can relate to this.


I have spent nearly best part of 4 years not going out, it has achieved nothing.  I am just starting to go out were there are 'people' I find it very hard but I am managing it.  On Saturday I went to an air show with my in-laws who know nothing about my 'issues' then out for a meal in the evening with them - I was so tired I fell asleep within minutes of getting home so does show the stress of it all, but I did it   I have suggested two restaurants to try with the DH, we have not been out for a meal in all that time - this is going to change.

[star35]

I also spent a lot of years not going out, then gradually started doing small things, wasn't easy at first and some times I failed but I kept trying and eventually it got easier and I got my life back. I always had a talk to my DH before we went out so l could make escape plans.Most days are ok now but like Sunday I do get the odd bad day just out of the blue.

[SadLynda]

Yes, I had the escape routes planned too

[GypsyRoseLee]

Giving in and staying home doesn't help. All it does is subconsciously reinforce the concept that the world is dangerous, and it's best to stay home where it is safe.

There have been many times where I have had to force myself to go out and see a friend, or go to a 'do'. I have dreaded going but made myself. Invariably I have always felt a bit better for going out. Though as someone said I found it exhausting and was shattered afterwards.

[CLKD]

It certainly uses up energy which is why I have not subscribed to feel the fear and do it anyway.  If I am afraid I don't go, if I have to come home, I come home though I have panic attacks here too …… so am not safe anywhere 

[star35]

I to have panic attacks at home and they are just as frightening as any where else. Doctor has always told me they can't last long but I have had some that last hours. Although I have to say I am far far better than i was but I feel the anxiety and panic are always hovering over me. I was house bound for nearly 10 years because of it and when I did get better I felt like some thing was missing and I was always looking for it, hope that makes sense.

[SadLynda]

I didnt mean to offend   It has taken me a few years to do this, and I still cant manage it 'every' time.  Certainly would not preach my way is the right way, each to their own, we are all different and have our own experience.