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[Babsm67]

Thanks TropicalVon69 - it is such hard work being a parent when we feel like this, isn't it?  My husband was signalling to me to stay calm last night & this morning because if my son sees I am getting stressed, he gets worse too.  Everything gets bottled up & I break down in tears afterwards but sometimes it all becomes too much & I end up snapping at my son, and, like you, feel wretched afterwards.  However, I am sure we are not alone in feeling like this.  I don't know how my husband manages to stay calm whilst all this is going on but I suspect it is because he feels he has to which isn't fair on him. He needed a beer after our son was agitated last night!
Yes, I think my friend has been very busy but I am beginning to think our lives have been going in different directions for some time now.  We have never 'lived in each others pockets' but something feels different.  She became a grandmother 2 years ago & I expected her to be busy with helping to look after her grandson - that's only natural (and that didn't bother me) but I feel as if we have 'drifted' of late & she has moved on after having different jobs & forming new friendships.  She will have another grandchild anytime now so she will be even busier - I think it is time to 'let go' & concentrate on trying to fill my life with new things to do as all of that has fallen by the wayside in recent years (coinciding with becoming perimenpausal - everything feels like a major effort;  even going to the shops!).
 Well done for wanting to go swimming - I keep thinking about it but haven't done it yet!  Maybe, with the extra time I will have during the week, I should make the effort to take up some form of exercise that doesn't irritate the waterworks! (That's another story!). I hope you have a lovely day with your dad xxx 
Ps. Our friends may not be there for us but this forum is a lifeline for women like us & we can 'vent' & support each other on here.  xx

[TropicalVon69]

Yes, definitely parenting is a challenge in itself but added peri stuff.....as you can see I'm trying not to swear lol, its a whole other level....I have a teen daughter the house too!!!.....well, I feel a little calmer coming home after my swim......going to exercise every day as I feel it makes a difference.....just takes stress down a notch and managed to speak to a few menopausal women while there....lol reassurance is great....I know how you feel regarding your friend......3of my friends have had babies in the last year, and yeah, I think it's lovely but feel now that our lives are different.....a wee bit of baby talk is lovely but you know the new mum feeling.....all oestrogen up lol..its sometimes all encompassing .. but I'm trying to find new stuff too to make me feel better and boost confidence....I feel like I don't really want to do housework at the moment but hopefully when my life is more fulfilling it will be easier......maybe its your husbands turn to be calm.....I'm sure before that you found it easier and probably did most of the hard work.....hugs Madbloss xxx

[SadLynda]

Writing in dairy is pretty difficult I think, makes a mess ;-)...sorry, just a wee joke to lighten the tone....I've got a diary, haven't written in it yet....another note to self...... Glad I'm not the only one who's snarly lol.....swore at my 9 year old daughter the other night.....not a shining moment and sobbed after....I've never been like this before....I also wish we could all meet.....I am in Fife Scotland xxx

You know I did think that looked wrong, but in a hurry as per.  Anyway, I bought a 'year planner' from Asda, its very pretty and will start today.

Sorry to you dealing with the kids at home, I can keep very patient with my daughter now - but no way can I live with her again.  I can have a tantrum on a dog here in the day.

I have a long term friend, we have been friends most of our lives, lost touch for short while's over the years but always got back together.  We now live close by, but chat by email every day.  But had many so called friends come and go, I read in a book on the subject this happens a lot to those of us who are 'too nice'.  I have very little trust these days with new people.

off to write in my dairy/diary

[TropicalVon69]

Hi Lynda, I hope I didn't offend you sincerely.......I just got an image in my head of writing in milk and it made me laugh.....not an easy task lately lol.....maybe we need to be more assertive Lynda and not so nice....?I know I have tried to help people a lot but found that when you need help ie meno, not all are there for you....some have their own stuff going on too though I know ...anyway congrats on the planner and know how u feel, our kitten wouldn't stop meiowing earlier n felt like evicting him...too wee to get outside still but if he keeps it up I will be tempted lol xxx

[SadLynda]

no you did not offend me, course not.

I think we do need to be more assertive, since reading the 'disease to please' book I have worked on this a lot.  I am also currently reading 'women who think too much' this is very enlightening on the anxiety front, I am not so far in yet but doing a lot of nodding.

i spent many years trying to help people, got me nowhere - I do not do it now, only on here (and I can be quite selective about that sometimes LOL) and to my old friend who I would do anything for, and she me.  I dont take anywhere near as much c**p off people as I used to do.

[Babsm67]

Well done to you Sadlynda for not taking any rubbish from people & well done TropicalVon69 for going for that swim!  . I have always had problems with not being assertive enough & being 'walked over' - that happened in previous jobs I have had (especially the last one) & I didn't stick up for myself     I know what you mean about not wanting to do the housework - some weeks I just cannot get going with it!  My daughter left home in May but things were tricky when she was living at home as she couldn't deal with me being anxious & all over the place.  Things are better now, thankfully. 
I couldn't be without my calendar/planner on the kitchen wall - I would forget everything without it!    I will have to look up those books you mentioned, Sadlynda, as they sound like they would be interesting reading.    xxx

[GypsyRoseLee]

I never had any problems being assertive until I went into peri and started with the random anxiety and depression. Looking back I just don't know how I got through some of those early days and weeks.

I'd already been very strict with our children but unfortunately just as I started with peri their hormones were also gearing up. And frankly I just felt too feeble much of the time to stand my ground with them. Things started to slide and they became quite entitled and unhelpful around the house. They forgot how to say please and thank you.

A few weeks ago my Mum (who really adores my children normally) expressed her concerns over their behaviour. Luckily it was just at the same time as I was starting to feel stronger in myself.

So I started cracking the whip and putting my foot down. There have been some spats and bad atmospheres but I think I'm winning. They're not spiteful or cruel, they had just got lazy and inconsiderate.

[TropicalVon69]

Brilliant Lynda, glad to hear you're more assertive now......its good for the confidence......will look into women who think too much, thanks for sharing......Madbloss my teenage daughter has gone from being in her bedroom 24/7 which worried me to being out at college and 2 weekends in a row....so pleased and takes worry off me too....same here Madbloss, be lost without my calendar.....Gypsyrose.....I have been the same with my girls and just recently getting them to do more, same thing, not horrible kids just got away with too much when I was poorly....I was also more assertive but think stress and peri brought me to my knees.....better than last year though  ....I have the night to myself tonight.....very unusual.....hope you all have a hormonally balanced night xxx

[Babsm67]

Thank you  .  xx

[CLKD]

Friendships wax and wane, I found that people were getting on with their routines and not really ignoring me.  It was because I was conscious of not being in contact after my initial letters/phone calls that I was sensitive.  I have decided this week that anyone who hasn't been in contact during the last 9 months won't be getting C.mas cards  - can no longer be bothered.

What was the question again ……… oh, if you have friends who can take the children to school occasionally then make use of them  . I don't have anyone to help out except Himself ……… so anything that doesn't get done, has to wait until 2-morrow - how anyone can get up, get kids out the door with packed lunch etc. amazes me 

[TropicalVon69]

It amazes me too clkd, hence we deserve a medal lol.....this peri malarky should be happening when kids have grown up....in hindsight, with choice I would have my kids earlier........obviously other ladies have other challenges too xxx