Hi Greenfields
Good to hear your getting better, which HRT are you taking???
Any plans to move back to Canada??
Wxx
The HRT I'm taking is Evorel 50 patches (which I change twice a week) and 100mg Utrogestan - which I take for 25 days a month. I'm approaching my 6th cycle of this medication regime and it has really worked for me. I still get sweating occasionally but it's usually when I'm very stressed - so it's linked to my emotional state rather than my hormonal state per se. I don't get any bleeding on this regime either which is good.
I would love to move back to Canada but my Dr said lets see how I am the beginning of October - I'd like to make a visit back first. Moving back will be hard though as starting over again from scratch is going to be challenging. I could still stay in the UK - and may have to if my health isn't improved enough.
One of the big concerns I have is whether the last visit I made to Canada in March was one of the triggers for my breakdown. I know the out of whack menopausal hormones definitely impacted my decision making and I had a breakdown after withdrawing my place on my MSW course due to overwhelming anxiety and a panic attack which I put down to thinking that moving back to Canada would not be the right decision due to the way I was feeling (as I didn't know the menopause could impact one's anxiety levels).
But there were numerous other triggers as well - I've had a shit load of stress the last year due to several abusive landlords and an abusive manager where I worked as well as an extremely stressful job (which I left to move back to Canada) - but how much those factors played into everything I'm not sure. Living in another country is stressful but I've found since I returned to the UK last year that things are so so difficult and different here since I left in 2002. More than anything there seems to be such a selfish culture prevalent - something I've especially encountered with retired people - people who have their own homes and are doing okay thank you very much.
I know not everyone is in that position and there are lots of kind folks out there as well (thank God!) but the contrast with Canada has been quite striking - there isn't as much of a safety net in Canada but because of that, I think people reach out more to each other to help and there isn't the level of judgement around poor people that there is in the UK. There also isn't the class system that's prevalent in the UK and while there are problems with inequality and poverty, the housing crisis isn't anywhere near as bad as the UK and people in Canada who rent aren't viewed as failures in the same way as they are in the UK. There are also far more rental rules to protect people who rent too and it's a lot easier to rent than in the UK.
I just have more and more of a sense in the UK of a rich selfish minority who buy up all these properties and then along with the letting agents, screw people like me who have no hope of getting on the housing ladder.
I'm lucky in that I am now in charity run accommodation which is heavily subsidised (unlike housing associations which now have to charge 80% of market rent which is just ridiculous given how unaffordable rents are) and I definitely don't want to go back into the UK private rental sector - that would tip me into another breakdown. But it ties me to living where I am indefinitely - and the place I have is very very small (though I'm incredibly grateful for it and the kind people who run it).
But if I move back to Canada, I will probably have to do 2 or 3 p/t jobs so I need to have the stamina to do that ... and at the moment I don't and I have repetitive strain injury which makes things doubly difficult in terms of getting work. But I really miss aspects of the culture there a lot. That said, when I was there, I missed the UK a lot - but it's changed so much. If I do stay in the UK, I will have to work 2 jobs to make enough money to try and save for retirement as the care work I have lined up (when I'm able to do it) only pays 18K when you work f/t 40 hours a week - and that's not enough to save money for a pension.
But if I move back to Canada, I will have to pay for my own medications and if I did get ill again, it would be much worse in terms of support as the mental health services are over stretched and the welfare system isn't as good as the UK. So I don't want to go back and get ill again. I could reapply for the MSW ... but then I will be using up more of my savings in the hope that I can get a good job - which isn't guaranteed.
I could try and get a good job in the UK providing it's in the area I live in but working in social services is very hard with the horrible austerity cuts (I was supporting people with mental illness in my last job and saw first hand what was going on with cuts - and having since been ill myself, I wouldn't have got better if the churches/voluntary organisations and kind people hadn't stepped in).
At the moment I try not to think too far ahead as it's too much to take in.
But I think it's called being between a rock and a hard place.
