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[Greenfields]

Didn't know where to post this so I'm sticking it here ... my therapist encouraged me to apply for jobs in the UK so that if and when I'm able to make a visit to Canada, if I realise I can't manage moving back then I will have a job in the UK to come back to - if I get one before I make a trip to Canada.

It seemed to make sense particularly as I still don't know when I will be well enough to make a trip to Canada - I'm so scare of having another breakdown, it being worse and happening abroad.

So I applied for a job last week and put the application in Thursday. They rang yesterday and want to interview me tomorrow.

I should be happy ... but I'm not. I'm just so sad ... it seems to have crystallized the loss of the dream I had for my future and what, instead, I'm facing.  I keep reminding myself that this is just one option but still, it hurts.

I also worry .. the job involves quite a bit of computer work and altho' the organisation is disability friendly, I have RSI and still get a lot of pain in my right hand/arm - I think I need to use a different mouse as I think that's what sets it off. I'm not going to disclose at interview but will if they offer me the job - and that's scary - I've never done this before but I don't think I can get away with doing the job without being upfront about my physical health.

Then there's my financial situation - this job pays 19.7K which is a good salary but the high rents where I live mean that after I've paid all the bills I'll have 300 pounds left to live on ... which is scary given I need to save a lot for retirement and I worry that the rent will go up and bills will go up.

I've applied for 2 other jobs at this organisation as well - one paying 17K and another paying 18K - so I need to make a good impression tomorrow even if I don't get the job as I want to be considered for the others because I really need to work ...

I wish I could shake off the way I feel - I need to go into the interview tomorrow feeling positive ... and all I feel is sad and worried - sad at what has happened to my life and wishing I had made so many different choices in the past ....   

I know it's baby steps but if anyone can send me some hugs or some good words, I could really do with them.

Oh and if anyone has any suggestion re: how I handle the have you got any holidays booked question at interview - let me know. I haven't dared book anything yet but if I tell them I have a holiday booked (as my therapist suggested) I don't know what I'll do if I'm not well enough to go away on the week I've said I'll go ...

[Dulciana]

Greenfields, even if you get a job here in the UK, would you necessarily be digging yourself in, permanently?  I would have thought if you're building on your experience, earning and applying from an "in-work" status when you look for work in Canada, that would all help your prospects. 

The holiday question - maybe you could ask them how far in advance they like their employees to book holidays, then - if you're successful tomorrow - book a time when you're well enough and they're happy about it. Not too little notice, but also not too much.

I hope it goes well for you tomorrow.   

[Greenfields]

Greenfields, even if you get a job here in the UK, would you necessarily be digging yourself in, permanently?  I would have thought if you're building on your experience, earning and applying from an "in-work" status when you look for work in Canada, that would all help your prospects. 

The holiday question - maybe you could ask them how far in advance they like their employees to book holidays, then - if you're successful tomorrow - book a time when you're well enough and they're happy about it. Not too little notice, but also not too much.

I hope it goes well for you tomorrow.   

Thanks.  On the one hand I agree with you ... on the other it's complicated in that my Canadian separation agreement is up for review early next year.  So if I stay in the UK, renew my tenancy in mid-September (which I would have to do - unless I move to being a lodger again which I can't face on the basis of what happened to me last year with the landlord not wanting the heating on until December) - then I have to stay at my flat for 6 months as its an assured short hold tenancy - which means that I wouldn't be able to move back before the separation review is up for discussion ... if I don't move back before then, then I will be struck off my ex's health plan which has big cost implications as jobs with good health plans are not so frequent in Canada these days ... I would have to pay for my HRT drugs probably while trying to work 2 or 3 p/t minimum wage jobs without benefits.  Also I probably wouldn't get anymore spousal support either because the agreement is linked to Canadian living costs ... and the UK salary (even 17K UK pounds) would be considered 'good' by Canadian standards in $'s - but the rents are so high in the UK that having enough left to live on after you've paid the bills is difficult ...

If I move back to Canada next year, I would have to be sure of getting a good job lined up which would be impossible in Ontario without a Masters - which would mean working in another part of Canada - much much colder (6 months at minus 40/ minus 50) and not knowing a soul wherever I moved to ... which was the reason I moved to the UK in the first place as I didn't want to go somewhere cold where I didn't know anyone.

[Greenfields]

Greenfields - take one step at a time. You have come so far in a very short space of time, you're doing brilliantly, believe me. Look on tomorrow's interview as another step on your road to recovery, to get an interview is a huge achievement, you should be very proud of yourself. I'm sure that once you get a feel for the place and the people you meet tomorrow you'll have a better idea of your next steps. Really well done!

S x

Thanks Sparkle - I keep telling myself the same thing ... it's just i don't feel it inside  and I'm so tired of worrying about money and keeping a roof over my head as well ... I was hoping to apply for council housing but the support worker who was supporting me told me that in her experience the council are being really hard nosed about even letting people onto the housing list now because the list is so long ... so if you have savings (as I do) then you get told private rental is the only option and they won't let you even on the list.  It's so precarious and it really gets to me.  And I can't earn enough to get a mortgage so all I can do is watch my savings (which were supposed to be for retirement) slide down and down ...

Apologies for being so gloomy ... I know I've come so far but it's just so so hard at the moment emotionally rebuilding my life and I realise so much what I've lost in terms of opportunities and that's so hard ....

[Greenfields]

This just about sums the awful housing situation I'm in up:

http://www.theguardian.com/money/2015/jun/24/uk-tenants-pay-more-rent-than-europe

[dazned]

I know it might sound hard but I truely don't mean it too ,be assured of that please but

I think whilst you still have one foot in each camp so to speak you will only succeed in tying yourself in knots ! You are muddling everything and you have come so far but it's still early days yet in your recovery from your breakdown. To get an interview at all is a big achievement in itself but you need to decide where you really want to be and take the appropriate steps to make that happen . Surely securing a job here for now will give you a stronger place to start from for now.
One step at a time eh 

[honeybun]

Definitely one small step at a time.

Well done for even getting an interview at all....not easy these days.

I'm afraid I don't understand about your settlement re divorce, is there any way to challenge it at all.
Do you have any family in this country ?

I hope it all goes really well because a wage where you are must be better no matter what your long term plans are. You can take the job if offered but you don't have to tell your prospective plans are to your new employer.


Honeybun
X

[Greenfields]

Definitely one small step at a time.

Well done for even getting an interview at all....not easy these days.

I'm afraid I don't understand about your settlement re divorce, is there any way to challenge it at all.
Do you have any family in this country ?

I hope it all goes really well because a wage where you are must be better no matter what your long term plans are. You can take the job if offered but you don't have to tell your prospective plans are to your new employer.


Honeybun
X

No way to challenge the separation agreement - it was agreed with difficulty and I made a mistake in returning to the UK really which has messed things up considerably for me financially.

Re: family - yes I do have in this country but they are not kind and I left home early in my life. When I rang and asked for help this year when I was very sick and thought I was going to be homeless I was told that they would take my stuff but not me.  Says it all really - so am very much on my own.

Am trying to stay positive and understand what you're saying re: its a step towards something better ... but just feel so overwhelmed and on my own at the moment and am having trouble shoring myself up emotionally. The precariousness of my housing situation particularly eats away at me ...even though I try not to dwell on it.  I think its the fact that the salary should be more than adequate but around 75% of my income is going to go on housing costs and I find that so scary. And I can't see a way out of it either being 51 and not earning enough to get a mortgage even though I do have some savings - but 1 bedroom flats around here are 150K now. I'm so tired of precarious housing and I feel worn out by it.

[littleminnie]

Hi Greenfields (love the name). You certainly have a lot on your plate at the moment but, as the others have said you need to get through this a bit at a time.  You can't sort out your problems in one go. Go to the interview tomorrow, do your best to get the job, then move on to the next stage.
Good luck. 

[Greenfields]

I know it might sound hard but I truely don't mean it too ,be assured of that please but

I think whilst you still have one foot in each camp so to speak you will only succeed in tying yourself in knots ! You are muddling everything and you have come so far but it's still early days yet in your recovery from your breakdown. To get an interview at all is a big achievement in itself but you need to decide where you really want to be and take the appropriate steps to make that happen . Surely securing a job here for now will give you a stronger place to start from for now.
One step at a time eh 

Re: deciding where I want to be ... yes I was very fixated on returning to Canada and in some ways applying for work at the advice of my therapist has brought all my stomach churning thoughts to the surface - it would be hard returning to Canada and get work in Ontario and having the energy to do that and stay well scares the hell out of me .... but equally staying in the UK with the housing situation the way it is also scares the hell out of me - its just so awful.

[Greenfields]

Hi Greenfields (love the name). You certainly have a lot on your plate at the moment but, as the others have said you need to get through this a bit at a time.  You can't sort out your problems in one go. Go to the interview tomorrow, do your best to get the job, then move on to the next stage.
Good luck. 

thanks - I think what I need is someone to give me a hug and tell me its all going to work out okay and 5 years down the line I won't be homeless and out on the street ...

[littleminnie]

Just thought, could you not house share. My son does that, a 5 bed roomed house with 5 people.

[Greenfields]

Just thought, could you not house share. My son does that, a 5 bed roomed house with 5 people.

Would do that if I was certain it could work out - altho' don't think there are many house shares in the area I live in.
I house shared in my twenties and thirties ... lots of awful situations and problems constantly cropping up so was so relieved when I finally married and lived with my then partner.
Last landlord announced heating wasn't going on till Dec and removed the thermostat - I was paying 460 for a tiny room - I moved out and he put the rent up and had someone lined up to take the room - there's such a shortage of accommodation where I live.  The room rate in the area I live in is 500 a month and up.

Thinking more about how I'm feeling - I think that I could really have done with a few more weeks not looking for work and just focusing on getting more and more better and seeing the therapist ... but I thought her advice re: applying for jobs was good - its just that I didn't expect to apply for one last week and hear this week that I would be interviewing with 2 days notice to prepare.

And then I tend to look at the whole picture in terms of where is this taking me?  It didn't help that the "support worker" I saw this week lambasted me for my "unrealistic expectations" when I showed her my budget ... she didn't like the fact that I had put gym membership down in it (she said she couldn't afford it) or my eye plan (she said she had to make her glasses last 4 years) .... by the time she'd finished with me it was clear that if I could cover food and rent then that should be enough - just scraping by.  She took away my hope and it took me all my strength to get up the next day and do things like exercise that i knew would make me feel better ...

So it scares me silly that I'm going for an interview for a job where 75% of my take home pay will be consumed by rent and utility bills and running a car and buying food - very basic stuff with very little wiggle room in the budget for anything else - the alternative to renting a flat is living in a bedroom again (and having to get rid of the few items of furniture that people have given me and which make me feel like I have a 'home') and at 51 (52 this year) I wonder how much longer I can carry on like this - but at the moment I don't have the energy to move back to Canada and start all over again there even though the rental situation is so much better - but the employment situation is worse - its like being between a rock and a hard place.

[groundhog]

Hi Greenfields
I don't know your story sorry but I wanted to give you a cyber hug.  I have had a rubbish year and got into a very black hole thinking of all the what ifs etc,  With help ( this forum has been amazing ) I realised I HAD to take it one day at a time and I got through. I'm still having problems but I feel stronger.
I'm assuming you live in expensive part of UK,  could you move somewhere cheaper where maybe council housing isn't so impossible or maybe houses are more affordable.  That may be totally unrealistic and I'm sorry if im being simplistic.  I don't know enough to comment further but I do know from my own experiences is you have to tkse one step at a time as the next step could lead you in a different direction. 
Relaly hope you find some peace of mind soon xx

[Greenfields]

Hi Greenfields
I don't know your story sorry but I wanted to give you a cyber hug.  I have had a rubbish year and got into a very black hole thinking of all the what ifs etc,  With help ( this forum has been amazing ) I realised I HAD to take it one day at a time and I got through. I'm still having problems but I feel stronger.
I'm assuming you live in expensive part of UK,  could you move somewhere cheaper where maybe council housing isn't so impossible or maybe houses are more affordable.  That may be totally unrealistic and I'm sorry if im being simplistic.  I don't know enough to comment further but I do know from my own experiences is you have to tkse one step at a time as the next step could lead you in a different direction. 
Relaly hope you find some peace of mind soon xx

Thanks for your kind thoughts. I can't move at the moment - I'm just not up to it (had a breakdown in March when I was in the middle of moving back to Canada). I don't know whether council housing is available to anyone now with savings over the housing benefit level of 16K - I have too much for benefit eligibility and not enough for a mortgage deposit - plus any salary I get now won't cover a mortgage as I'm priced out of the housing market.

I live in the South because of the jobs available but the housing situation is awful.

I completely agree with you re: taking one step at a time ... I think that I'm still very shaky and so the step I'm taking now (to apply for jobs and getting an interview) is almost too much for me too soon but its the situation I'm in.

I don't know whether I'll ever have peace of mind with respect to housing - I am so terrified of being homeless as I have noone to fall back on altho' some people in my community have said they would take me in and pass me around - but living like that (room to room) would make my mental health worse I think.

I had such security with my housing in Canada and the stress there was trying to find work and being so far away from the UK.

Thanks for your kind comments though - honestly this has been the worst year of my entire life and its taken all my strength just to keep going and I really hope things do get better for me because I don't know how much longer I can keep going without getting ill again and that scares me.