We're so similar Briony

Deep down I had convinced myself that HRT was my Holy Grail, and that within 3 days of wearing an oestrogen patch I would feel great. And for the first 3 days I did feel great, which was definitely psychosomatic. Then I had to start on the Utrogestan as I was already mid cycle.
But then I felt dreadfully low again, terrified the Utro would melt my brain or some such nonsense

Lucily the sensible ladies on here calmed me down. After that things continued okay for quite a while. Then I was very down again during my withdrawl bleed and I convinced myself that I was either on too low an oestrogen dose, or too high (my opinion changed hourly).
(As an aside, I think that unless someone else has experienced the horrible feelings of dread and fear that your hormones can create, they can't understand how desperate and confused they can make you feel. It's ironic because the reason I was recruited to do the job I do is because I am (usually) very cool headed, calm and analytical. I'm the person called in to trouble shoot and deal with the crisis

)
But then after a few days my mood rose again for a while, but then dipped again...and I was so disappointed as I thought that HRT would provide a slow but steady improvement in symptoms. But each time I 'dipped' I was as low as I had ever been before.
Then finally my consultant appointment came round, and she advised a higher dose. And again that seemed to work for 2-3 weeks, then bingo for the last 9 -10 days I have felt very low and anxious again. And this is nearly the longest period of time when I have stayed consistently 'low' since starting my mood diary 4 months ago. But I honestly don't know whether this is caused by the spray tan, or whether I was just due another long dip because I had been 'fine' for nearly 3 weeks?
I keep getting tiny little mood lifts which last maybe a minute, like the HRT is 'trying' to kick in, but then I feel just as low again.
Have talked to my husband, and as he's a scientist he has a very scientific view on things. He says that GPs and consultants aren't magicians and now that I'm on HRT all they can do is suggest increasing the dose, or changing the product. But they can't 'know' what will work for me. It's just going to be a process of elimination for them (and me).
I'm tempted to go back to my GP and ask to go back on the Pill. But my husband thinks I should wait at least another month. But as you know waiting while you feel like this is so hard.
can I ask why you ended up with the Pill rather than a higher dosage patch like 75mg or even 100mg?