It's difficult to avoid family members, but where I can, I walk.
I have got to that place where I have taken on that I do not deserve any kind of abuse, bullying or disrespect. I know it is never about me; it is about the bully, the abuser, the other person. If they were in a good place, they would never, ever dream of treating me badly. This is a firm basis to operate. I have shut down disrespectful treatment by saying, "I wish you well, but I'm not prepared to continue this conversation, while you are disrespectful."
I think knowing that other people's behaviour is no reflection on you, really boosts your confidence in dealing with people.
I would love to try this attitude on my BIL, but am unlikely to have the opportunity. He was unpleasant from the start and as I had low self esteem, I didn't stand up for myself. DHs family trod carefully around him. For several years he hasn't come here and will only email DH, as heaven forbid, I might answer the phone! Still, DH has listed him under Nob in the phone book!
We have come to the conclusion that he is ill and feel some compassion.....well I try to. He has missed out on friendship with DH, me, our children and has never met the grandchildren.
Yes, be compassionate towards people who are abusive, unkind, intolerant, judgemental. They are even harsher towards themselves. They live in a dark place.
Have you ever heard of a lady called Byron Katie? She has written some books. You can have a go at doing what is known as 'The Work', which could help you change the way you think. Have a look on Amazon and see what you think.