Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Janelouise]

  Horrible hormones.. I don't want to speak to soon but I have had a quiet couple of days with the anger and crying but this sometimes happens with me until it all starts again. I have to go out tomorrow for my thyroid blood test which Im not looking forward too as I havent been anywhere for a few months now but looking at the positives by having my test it will show if the menopause has thrown my thyroid hormones out and if so a change of dosage may help calm symptoms.

[CLKD]

Let us know how you get on!  Do you have an anti-anxiety medication to take on an 'as necessary' basis?

[Janelouise]

He started again last night. He wouldn't let me sleep on the settee. He pulled me back and lost his temper .I made him sleep in the front room. I am still in bed now I absouloutly hate him right now.He has no consideration for me with this meno and is really off with me. I just don't want to be married anymore. I don't need a man. Half the men I know have been abusive. I can't deal with this anymore. He's bought my anger back out and this is so hard. There's no intamacy for the past year. I have toanage the money in the bank. He drives his car around with a dodgy clutch I told him to get it off the road for safety reasons. He told me just now to stop looking things up on the internet and says I gotta eat. I just can't eat with all this upset. Just don't know what to do anymore

[Limpy]

Janelouise - This ain't an easy time, you need to look after yourself, not eating won't help. Doesn't have to be a lot, just grazing will help.

"I just don't want to be married anymore." Be careful what you wish for, how would you feel if he dropped dead?

I think you said that you had copied something from the site onto your notepad, it might be worth sitting down with him and reading it again, you both need reassurance.

[Janelouise]

I am going to try to eat a little something soon but I have no appetite. He says he will go to the drs first thing Monday and if he needs professional help he will get it.he won't stop telling me he loves me it is so confusing. It probably is all my fault because of this stupid horrible menopause these symptoms with the uncontrollable crying etc is really nasty and I thank god for you ladies and this site because I have nobody else to turn to .thank you so much for listening. x

[Annie0710]

It's not all your fault though
His temper is HIS problem, I ran away from an abusive relationship , he used to tell me it was because I wound him up.  I've not changed (well if anything maybe a tad snappy) but my OH wouldn't even as much as shout at me.  We've been together over 5 years and the few times we've talked about my past relationship he has said I'm the nicest partner he's ever had, and that the ex had the problem

He needs anger management and together you need to make plans for what to do when you feel like you're snapping, separate yourselves until you're both calmer
Xx

[Janelouise]

Thanks Annie, I was beginning to get paranoid blaming myself..I'm happy he is going to make a drs appointment on Monday! He said he used to be like this in his younger days but took martial arts up back then and it calmed him. I asked him to ask the dr to see if he could get a blood test for low testerone and he's to tell the dr everything and if there is a small bit of depression there he may be able to get a low dose of tablets just to take away the edge of his frustration. I am having a very weird day I just can't remember what I've just done. i.e like how many sugars did I put in the coffee and things like throwing the tea towel in the bin.. so frustrating for us all. 

[CLKD]

I read a book last week in 3 days - about a family of 5 whose Father gave kisses on the lips to the girls even when they reached the 30s ….. and was constantly telling them stuff which I found abusive i.e. your Bum looks big in those shorts, go change …… 2 of the sisters went into abusive relationships because they were looking for love.  One had a man who controlled by declaring love, having sex when he wanted 'because you turn me on' …… got so he didn't want her to keep her friends/family and got uppity if she contacted them.  That's abuse.  Control.  Allows bullying …..

Her sister, also looking for love, choose the 1st men that paid complements but for the men, it was a means to an end: abuse.  Eventually the man she let into her home murdered her.  Both girls never felt 'good enough' ……

Anger can be controlled. It is never the fault of anyone else except the person dishing it out although I would fly into a Rage when DH annoyed me …….. small or big sometimes I would let go of my feelings but it was me who feels the guilt to this day  .  Eventually we had a buzz word so that I could walk away when I was OTT.

If you don't want to be with this man what's stopping you moving on ?

[Janelouise]

Hi C I don't want to be with him when he gets his bad temper. I have had to witness all this kind of stuff growing up and I can't handle it.When he calms down he can be so good. It's all so confusing at the moment. I will see what the doc has to say.. things have calmed down again  and we are really going to really work at this.Hopefully no more upset 

[Limpy]

Take care JL - look after yourself

[Janelouise]

Thank you Limpy

[honeybun]

Maybe instead of pills he could ask his GP about anger management and see a councillor. There are many forms of abuse, both physical and mental.

You need to get advice to enable you to cope. Have you thought about contacting Women's Aid. They might be able to help you get back on track...or move on.


Honeybun
X

[CLKD]

I witnessed anger too.  I became an angry person.  I had to learn ………. had I become a parent I would have been the same and the pattern would have continued ……..

Maybe suggest that you have a buzz word ………. one that you both need to 'obey' when the other is OTT? so that you leave the room to avoid further conflict.

How was he raised?  Old habits die hard  ……….

Why did you marry him?

[Taz2]

JaneLouise - although I know that this seems extremely difficult for you I urge you to leave this man. The pattern you describe, especially the being nice after the event, only for it to happen again and again is typical of an abuser. You are still young enough to make a life of your own and the longer you leave it the more helpless you will feel and as you get older then you will find it harder to build an independent life. Enlist the help of family and friends you feel you can trust. Get advice from the various organisations who are set up to help women just like you and begin to work on a plan. You deserve far better than this. This is not your fault.

Taz x

[CLKD]

I agree - at least give yourselves a break from the pattern.  You deserve better ……… and he deserves to get on with his Life and sort out his problems which may be a learnt pattern or his way of controlling. 

'love' doesn't solve everything sadly …….. nor should it ever be used as a manipulating word ……..