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[CLKD]

I think that she needs stability which she would get in a care home  however: being distressed because she can't remember is understandable.  It's frustrating enough when I try to explain something and forget completely where we went yesterday! I then find myself struggling for words.

Is there a 'sitting' service near her?  What happens in the night?

[honeybun]

We have tried very hard to get nighttime sorted. She has carers about 8pm. They make her Horlicks in a flask for during the night. They give her a cuppa and a biscuit and they let the dog out.
We have sorted a commode chair next to her bed...artfully covered with a throw during the day  . She has her alert button....they would then call us if needed. She has a big button phone...button 1 gets my sis...button 2 gets me. What else can we do.
She wants to be in her own home and I really don't blame her. Don't really think we can do much more to be honest. It's monitored every day and when things get worse we will deal with it as and when.
It's a constant worry but if an old person is determined they are not going into a home then there is really nothing that you can do.


Honeyb
X

[Taz2]

It's such a difficult one Honeyb but as you say if she doesn't want to leave her home then at least you are nice and near if there is an emergency. My parents were the same and the only way I could do it was to move in with them for half of the week because they were 150 miles away. Of course from Wednesday night when I left until Sunday lunchtime when I arrived back I did rely on neighbours and carers. My mum and dad were notorious at cancelling the arranged visits though. They were like a pair of naughty children but I miss them so much.

I would urge you to get some advice re her dementia though. It makes it much easier if the time comes when you have to have her put into some sort of care. You do need to make sure that her doc has noted that she has vascular dementia so that you don't have to go through the testing procedure before suitable accommodation can be found. Also, if it's vascular then she will have an underlying condition which has caused it so maybe any medication she is on needs changing? It's worth you  making an appointment to go along and talk to her GP (on your own) so that he/she is aware of the situation. Sorry if this has already been done.

Taz x 

[CLKD]

There ain't is there  …….. my Mum did the screaming 'you're trying to put me into a Home' and 'I won't go into a Home' in November following her fall - she wasn't listening again  but I thought 'this doesn't bode well' 

As long as you and your sister don't find yourself doing more and more particularly in the night.  I am sure that there are all-night schemes? for sit in ……….

I agree, a chat with her GP about her from your point of view can be helpful for everyone involved in your Mum's care. 

[honeybun]

Her GP does know and has had a quiet word with sis....just along the lines of....are we aware...well yes...and that's been about it. Her main GP has known her for many years and has noticed the changes.

I don't think she will go into care to be honest Taz...she is very frail and a puff of wind will blow her away.

Sis is five mins away and I'm twenty if the roads are quiet....so not far at all compared to what you had to do.

Not much more we can do about more care. We have had a few overnight carers which we pay privately for. Mother seems to be happy with this at the moment.

Just have to go on a day to day basis and see how it goes.


Honeyb
X

[Joyce]

You & your sister are doing the best you can, given the circumstances HB. My hubby's aunt kept going at home until she was 93. Everything was moved downstairs for her, bathroom was downstairs anyway. Her eldest son was 5 minutes away. But eventually she had to go into a care home. Her son's health was suffering. She was virtually blind & for her own safety more than anything the decision was made. She lived for another 18 months. Like your mum carers came in at varying times of the day. She was such an independent woman and I'm sure she must have hated strangers coming into her home. You will just have to wait & see.

[CLKD]

I think if people come in as companions before being carers it might help but how many people think that far ahead  …… 

Maybe more help through the night might mean you know that she is safe and it will ease the opportunity for your Mum to phone you/sister when she forgets or is confused.

Do the carers keep a visiting diary so that everyone knows what has happened during their time with your Mum.

[honeybun]

The carers have a book that they all write in after a visit. It's quite funny to read because they all write the same....time after time....after time 


Honeyb
X

[CLKD]

  ………. but do they agree with what is writ though …………

[CLKD]

GO FOR IT  - the idea that your Mum would like a 'private full time carer' ………. doesn't matter what the chores will be  ….. you can become a daughter again.

[honeybun]

No no no, didn't explain that properly.

She wants her favourite carer to give up her job and come and look after her full time. She doesn't have the money for that  . Wish she had and then I would have the woman in there like a shot.

It's just silly rambling, and a bit if wishful thinking....maybe my mother now thinks she is the Queen 



Honeyb
X

[Limpy]

It's just silly rambling, and a bit if wishful thinking....maybe my mother now thinks she is the Queen 

Could be worse HB - She could know she is the Queen 

[Suzi Q]

Just caught the thread Im so sorry HBUN xxxxxxxxxxxx

[CLKD]

aaahhh  - wishful thinking then  ……… dream on then Honeybun!

Is it your day to visit with her?

[CLKD]

Spring in the air at your Mum's perhaps?  Ideas above her Station  …….. did you manage to   

Her dog OK now?