I personally think it is unrealistic to expect to feel good all the time whether you use HRT or not. The best we can hope for is that meno symptoms will be mostly under control and any side effects we get from HRT will be minimal. Even when we are young and having regular periods, the time leading up to the period can be filled with low mood, headaches and then period pain. We all react differently to the various progesterones in HRt preparations and it is about finding the one with the least side effects.
karenj - if you felt ok most of the time on Medroxyprogesterone or Norethesterone then you can certainly have these alongside the your oestrogen patches.
Having read through your various posts, i think your real problem is sticking with a preparation until it has a chance to settle down. Your anxiety is really playing havoc with how you approach your HRT treatment.
HAve you discussed the option of having a SSRI alongside the HRT to help reduce you anxiety. If HRT doesn't help me, my consultant gynae has recommended I try Citalopram which he has found works extremely well for many women (including his wife who has had breast cancer). If you do try an SSRI then it is about persevering with the initial side effects as the first couple of weeks can be difficult.
I do hope you find a solution. DG x