Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[SueRoe]

This is clearly one of those subjects where feelings run quite high. No-one has actually used the word "duty" but that is what some are implying. I agree that women have fought for a long time to get away from the idea that they should "lie back and think of England". However, there's no avoiding the fact that men and women often have different libidos. I just hope that once all this meno stuff is over I'll want to have sex more than I'll want to sleep! It's reassuring to know, thank you, that not wanting sex is probably just another side-effect of perimenopause and probably temporary. Oh joy.

[Taz2]

Fingers crossed then! For some it's a side effect of peri menopause and for others it's sadly a fact that once hormone levels dip then the sexual response is no longer triggered. Very sad when it happens and not something that anyone prepares us for. I used to listen to older guys in the pub who were bemoaning the fact that their wives no longer wanted to have sex and think that the women were being very selfish in no longer wanting to share a love life with their husbands but I really didn't understand that they were probably no longer experiencing any sexual pleasure. I'm glad I made the most of mine while I had it!!

Taz x

[Melbury]

For me it is just the fact that it is so painful  

Suffering from LS really puts the mockers on a fulfilling sex life. 

I am due to go for a smear test, but know it will be a painful experience.

So it is not just menopause that causes lack of libido, it is other things as well.

[Hurdity]

Freda

It is not a peri-meno thing and if you have lost it then it is likely to be permanent. Not what you wanted to hear - but with the dramatic loss of oestrogen and the decline of testosterone (more gradually) with age - this is the unfortunate side effect.

Gilaray - you must be unusual - I really have to work at mine but fortunately can still reach the big O (less big these days) with a little concentration in the right direction, if we do partake  . However I would quite happily go without it for ever! Very sad I agree.

Hurdity x

[jeano]

I'm 56 and been through the menopause for around 2 years.  About 18 months ago I lost my libido completely.  I've tried everything from HRT, testosterone cream, and alternative remedies, all to no avail.  My husband and I have only been together 2 years, and
 married 6 months, and he just doesn't understand.  It causes so much stress, and feel so guilty.  I honestly think it will cause the end of our marriage.

[Ju Ju]

So sorry Jeano, as it's so early in your marriage. All you can do is to explain that you haven't gone off him emotionally, but the lack of libido is out of your control and print off info from this website. My husband and I cuddle a lot, but have not had sexual intercourse for ages. Once we accepted it was too difficult at the moment, it has freed us up to be loving in other ways, without fear of it leading to sexual intercourse. We are so much more relaxed and comfortable with each other.

[Machair]

Sometimes I think our stage of life in general has a lot to do with this. For example caring for elderly relatives or putting children through university. The stresses on relationships are immense now, and feeling like making love is not going to happen that often when you add in the hormonal roller coaster that is menopause. Last year my mother was in and out of hospital and it was absolutely shattering, as I was also trying to support the last of my 4 children through university.

My experience has always been that if you remove all the layers of stress, even for a few hours or days it can brings things back. A holiday alone, a day away even - just somewhere without responsibilities to be a couple again. It recreates that feeling of youth when everything was carefree, like a toddler splashing in puddles in red wellies.

Yes there are all the problems associated with menopause and libido, but there is so much more to endure at this stage of life that cripples relationships and removes that down time so crucial for intimacy.

[Taz2]

I agree Machair but it's a shame that men's brains aren't wired the same as they too are going through the same stress as regards ailing parents and children at uni but in a lot of cases it doesn't seem to affect libido at all!

Taz x

[babyjane]

I love my husband but I don't actually fancy him so that doesn't help really coupled with his low libido and ED. At least neither of us are keen so we are evenly balanced but it does seem a shame.