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[Dancinggirl]

Hi everyone
I have recently read quite a few posts from ladies that are really frightened of getting breast cancer so won't consider HRT.
I have a close friend who has had a very serious case of breast cancer.  She had not used HRT as she sailed through her menopause with ease.  Only months before being diagnosed with breast cancer she had been told at a medical check up that she was the healthiest women the doctor had seen for a very long time. She is slim and fit, has a job she loves etc. The only thing I could think that triggered her cancer would be the terrible stress of her marriage breaking up - entirely her husbands fault BTW. She had the full works in terms of treatment - mastectomy, chemo and radiotherapy. When I saw her only a few weeks after all her treatment she looked amazingly good!!! Whilst I would personally find all that treatment absolutely terrifying, hearing about her experience and how well breast cancer is treated these days has somewhat alleviated my fear of this horrible disease.
What does frighten me is : disability as a result of osteoporosis and any degenerative diseases such as Parkinsons and Dementia.
I am also frightened of having this horrible burning urethra and night time bladder problems for the rest of my life.
Though it is known that HRT started after the age of 60 can bring on early dementia, it is also known that lack of sleep can contribute to early onset dementia - well I'm certainly not getting enough sleep and my ability to find the right words at times is really frightening me.
I work hard at doing all the right things, eating well, lots of brisk walks, practising Mindful Meditation etc. but the advice about getting enough sleep is frankly impossible to achieve.
I am also frightened I have narrowed my horizons since I came off HRT - I have had to pull back on so many things I used to do because I simply don't have the energy and need to pace myself more to cope with my work.

I am frightened I am getting old rather too quickly.

In a few weeks I am seeing a gynae about my various meno related issues and I will probably have to face the option of going back on HRT. Having tried so many different HRT options(over the last 20 years) I know that HRT brings, not just good things, but also some compromises and fears that I struggle to be objective about.

WHAT FRIGHTENS YOU ABOUT THE MENOPAUSE?

DG X

[CLKD]

Oh: Good Thread!

Pain frightens me.  Not knowing how long intense pain will last even with medical intervention, is a huge problem for me.  I have had lots of pain since the age of 11: periods were DREADFUL ……. so I went onto The Pill for 11 years.

Dental pain has been difficult to control sometimes.  When my Wisdoms were removed DH cooked and sieved food for me, he would make me a cuppa in the early hours with Anadin as I would cry in my sleep with pain but as the swelling went down the pain improved.

Sinus pain - like being hung over for no reason and as for trigenimal neuralgia 

If required I would insist on HRT …….. I have VA for which my GP prescribes treatment which seems to work for me.  I hope by the time we need old age 'care' the system will be improved.  Hopefully my very knowledgeable GP won't ever need to refuse treatment for any condition that might crop up.

[honeybun]

My big fear is that my anxiety never improves and I am stuck in this cycle forever. At some point I am going to have to do things I just can't avoid. Mother going into hospital for example. She is 92. Its going to happen at some point and how on earth do I manage

I am fed up being a bloody wimp. Anxiety sucks the pleasure from life and I want to embrace and not avoid. And that includes the bad as well as the good. I want to live not just exist

Honeyb
X

[bramble]

I quite agree HB. I am at a time in my life where I could travel the world and have lots more adventures. But my anxiety keeps me at home. My world has shrunk enormously since the anxiety got a hold about 8 years ago and I can't see this changing in the near future. Carpe diem - not!

Bramble

[babyjane]

menopause and HRT doesn't frighten me but I don't like it, meno I mean as I don't use HRT and do not want to or feel the need to.

I realise I am fortunate in that my menopause journey has not been unbearable or unmanageable just an uncomfortable nuisance but this year I have started seeing a few little improvements.

What frightens me though is being left on my own and without the support of my husband then I really would be frightened as we have been together since we were 15 and I can't remember life when he was not in it.

Sorry, I didn't really answer the question did I?

[Taz2]

What frightens me about menopause and HRT is being left to face the first one without the second one!!

Taz x

[babyjane]

dear sparky, if you find a solution please tell me because I know that if it works for you it will work for me x

[Dancinggirl]

Hi Sparkle
I find it difficult to be objective about things - we need to the medical profession to look at us holistically and advice us appropriately having considered all aspects of our lives.  It's frightening that we have these problems that are definitely meno related yet there is so little real help and advice from the medical profession - thank goodness for the caring, sharing ladies on this site.

Another thing that frightens me: I'm finding I am becoming more like my mother! The things that annoy me about her are: her intolerance, selfishness, irrational fears, lack of compassion - I now understand how these traits have emerged - I think they are survival tactics that emerged through her meno that have carried her through and make it so difficult for us to handle her.
I have really noticed over this last year since I've come off HRT that I am far more self centred - I've fought hard not to be like her but I'm frightened I'm becoming like her because the compassionate side of my nature is being eroded. 
DG x

[honeybun]

If I become like my mother then I will happily shoot myself.


My anxiety is so very frightening. I want to find tactics, a solution, a cure that does not involve medication.
My HRT does nothing to help at all so I am stumped and frightened of where this will take me. My confidence in myself outwith my home is nil and every bloody day is a struggle. I have never hated or worried about anything so much in my life. Its my last thought before sleep and my first waking thought and its ruining my life.
Not to seem to miserable or morbid but sometimes I wonder what I have done to deserve this.


Honeyb
X

[peegeetip]

Thanks for the post DG, totally understand your points and about your friend.

What frightens me:

Meno - how bad things had become and the level of denial I was in!

HRT - the stories about others being forced by docs to reduce or stop their HRT when they don't want to.

Also frightened of returning to how I felt before HRT.

 

[babyjane]

My paternal grandmother was a recluse, went nowhere, saw no one and did nothing. She was not in her right mind for the last 15 years of her life but lived to 94 in a nursing home where she refused to sit with any other residents.

My mother was a darling, after my father died she did so much, went on a tour to the Holy Land with her church at the age of 74 (never been on a plane or out of this country before), joined social groups, had neighbours in for coffee, visited the sick, totally involved with her grandchildren, came on numerous holidays with us, did cryptic crosswords, walked, cycled and was rational and lucid until the day she died from cancer aged 82.

I fight hard not to be like my grandmother and would dearly like to be more like my mother.  It is a daily battle but I do try, however genetics make it very hard.

[rubyring]

Hello everyone
I'm currently on vagifem for bladder problems which does seem to help. I have posted on here for advice about HRT as previously taken elleste duet but it made me feel ill. I'm frightened of going back to the docs as don't want to be seen as someone causing a fuss if you know what I mean . I just haven't got the energy anymore to go through the stress of a fight to get the right HRT and this is not like me at all as I used to be a lot more assertive before the menopause struck. I seem to have loads of positive ideas of how to help myself feel better and more positive but in reality I'm just shattered and just want to stay in watching mindless TV.
just want to say thank you for all your posts on here, it really helps to feel that I'm not alone in feeling like this xxxx

[Dancinggirl]

Oh ladies, I'm loving your posts - so reassuring I am not alone with my fears. I don't think I suffer from anxiety as such, I just don't cope with stress as well as I used to. I get overwhelmed and just opt not to do things in case I do get overwhelmed.

The physical and mental changes are quite dramatic around the menopause and I feel so angry when we are patronisingly told we need to eat less but eat healthily, take lots of exercise and get enough sleep.  Many of us are really trying to do these things. The problem is I hate trying to be so sensible all the time - I want to be spontaneous e.g. eat chocolate with a glass of wine, which I used to be able to do but now get a nasty headache and feel dreadful for ages afterwards.
I lie awake at 4am in the morning worrying how I'm going to get through work the next day and whether the lack of sleep is damaging my long term health.
I do want to grow older gracefully but I just feel angry, resentful and frankly frightened what the future holds.   DG x

[babyjane]

I am so trying to live each day as it comes. I say really trying but not always succeeding. Each day has its own joys and sorrows and if you try to deal with a whole week's worth of days you do indeed get overwhelmed.

This philosophy goes against my nature as I am a serial worrier and have suffered anxiety all my life.  All my lifetime's anxiety has not changed or improved a single thing and so now I am trying to let go of all the overwhelming sense of responsibility that has plagued me all my life and got worse since the menopause.

[thorntrees]

Like Stellajane I am at least 8 years into the menopause and what scares me most is not knowing when it will end, anxiety is the worst and so hard to cope with when it is there the minute I wake up. I get through each day as best I can with the help of a low dose AD but just want to feel my usual self, though I've almost forgotten what that is!. I  can accept getting older,stiffer,slower etc but not being able to just get on and enjoy life when I try so hard really gets to me.
Don't want to give the impression I'm miserable or moaning as I'm quite a cheerful person, I just miss the old energetic me.
Wine and chocolate-in moderation do help😀

Thorntrees