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[ariadne]

I don't want a funeral service either. Waste of good money and upsetting to arrange and attend. I like the sound of Direct Cremation. I can't get my husband to talk about such things. I can't even get him to make a will - lost count of the number of times I've said we need to get it done. Its always "We'll do it after this that or the other"

Ariadne xx

[Joyce]

One thing I hate at funerals is shaking hands with very emotional relatives after the service. At my father in law's service we asked to do the hand shaking before, when we were less tearful. It was unheard of at the crematorium.   

Haven't been to many funerals, yet. However, been to a few at one crem in particular. It's a horrid place and the coffin sinks into the platform during the service. Always gives me the shivers. One place we went, a curtain was drawn around the coffin which seemed much nicer.

[Taz2]

I've been to loads of both unfortunately. I've never had the hand shaking thing though?

As for the coffin disappearing at the crem. My very best friend's husband died in January and she insisted that the coffin remained on display and that we didn't have the curtains drawing around. Nobody I knew had ever done that before but it meant that, at the end, people could walk past the coffin saying their goodbyes if they wanted to.

Ariadne - I think that the funeral service isn't for the person who has died but for those left behind who want to acknowledge the life of the person who has died. I suppose a memorial service does the same.

The "best" one I have ever been to was a Quaker service. Remarkable and very  moving.

Taz x

Taz x

[ariadne]

Taz I know the funeral is for the family left behind but its something people think they have to do- there are alternatives that are more low key and less bank breaking.

Ariadne xx

[Taz2]

Oh yes I agree. I thought you meant you didn't want any sort of service - sorry.

Hope that your husband will see sense and make a will - makes things a lot easier!

Taz x

[ariadne]

Well if I'm honest, I'd rather there not be a funeral service for me but I don't know what my family would think of that. I'd rather they used the money for a holiday "on me " so to speak. They can remember me that way.

Ariadne xx

[CLKD]

There's nothing to stop you making a Will.  We need to update ours  ……….

I began putting things together, even the music ….. but have changed my mind over the years …..

[Greyhoundgal]

One thing I hate at funerals is shaking hands with very emotional relatives after the service. At my father in law's service we asked to do the hand shaking before, when we were less tearful. It was unheard of at the crematorium.   

Haven't been to many funerals, yet. However, been to a few at one crem in particular. It's a horrid place and the coffin sinks into the platform during the service. Always gives me the shivers. One place we went, a curtain was drawn around the coffin which seemed much nicer.

When we were planning Mum's cremation the undertaker asked us if wanted the curtains to shut afterwards or remain open, we opted for open so after the short service (we were having a bigger thanksgiving service at her church later the same day) the coffin stayed where it was and we all went up one by one to say our very personal goodbyes to her - I'm glad we chose it that way rather than see it go behind the curtain.

[Joyce]

Good to hear that they took your wishes into account. So important I feel.

[tiger74]

An interesting discussion.

IMHO, it's important to think about and if relevant, discuss these things with partner/family/whoever, from an early age.  I know death is still a taboo subject amongst many though.

My partner (now husband) and I made wills and wrote down our preference for burial/cremation/funeral etc. in our twenties when a friend (also in his 20s) was killed in an RAF flying accident.  This friend had not expressed any preferences and died intestate so his parents were left wondering what his wishes would have been (and trying to sort out a complicated estate) at a time when they were grieving for a son they never thought would pre-decease them.

At that time I gave my parents a copy of my will.  It then transpired that they had never made wills nor expressed preferences about funeral/burial/cremation etc. - the reason given for this was because my Dad was very ill as a young man and never expected to live long!!!!!!  Figure out that logic if you can. 

The fact that I had made a will (and kept it up-to-date) and expressed my preference for burial/cremation/funeral etc. at an early age meant that it was one less thing to be concerned about and to get done when I was faced with a cancer diagnosis at the age of 47 and (for a while) the prognosis was unclear.

Maybe I'm "preaching to the converted" though because how likely is it that anyone who avoids this subject will read posts on a thread with the word "funeral" in the subject line?

[CLKD]

I have worn an SOS bangle/necklace for years.  When I told my parents in Law they were horrified that I wanted to be a parts donor which is the main reason for wearing it.  That was in 1977!  It's also on my Driving Licence.

Having been involved with several deceased situations I think it's important!