Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Linsey44]

Is there any voluntary organisations that can offer additional supports to your mum? Eg locally we have a group that provides help for carers.  Have you been on the carers trust website?

Or Is it an option for your mum to afford to pay for additional help herself and you could interview them on her behalf?

Is your mum getting all financial support she / or you as a carer are entitled to, your local council should have a welfare benefits dept that checks to see if there is any entitlement to help. You would be surprised at how may things are avail.

Do you live in a city or rural location? This can limit additional services sometimes.

Sorry for bombarding you with questions, your head is already about bursting.

[CLKD]

Good questions Linsey.  You should be getting a carers allowance.  Age UK have lots of useful leaflets about all types of elderly care …….. covering just about everything! 

Is there a day centre or does your local care home have visitors - perhaps your mum could go along and if you go you will get support and a change of scene too.  Does your Mum read, watch TV, listen to music? 

[groundhog]

Hi Linsey - we live in a rural area in a smallish town.  We have tried to get her to go to day centres but she is not interested.  In some bizarre way the brain injury has left her thinking she is 45 and so day centres are for old people.  Another irony is whilst she was independent before the brain haemorrhage,  she wasn't very well owing to her massively high blood pressure so she didn't really want to go out that much,  but when she did she drove herself.  Now of course her blood pressure is normal ( she now takes the medication - refused before the brain haem as they made her feel ill - arghhh!) so I think she actually feels quite well now and so is raring to go which makes it very tiresome for me.   I worked in welfare benefits prior to losing my job owing to my health problems so I am pretty sure she is getting everything she should.  Pls don't apologise for the questions - thank you for your reply xx
Thanks CLKD - I can't claim carer allowqnce as I am on another benefit linked to my disability .  She does watch tv all day if she doesn't go out so that is a blessing. She reads the paper but that's about it .  She has no concentration anymore - she was a brilliant knitter but she can't manage anymore - her coordination has been badly affected.
I will check out the age concern website to see if there is anything I am missing.
I took her to town today and she was ok.  Today has been a good day .  My mood has been ok but I'm not always like this - some days the depression wins and I can't cope with any of it.
Thanks again for your interest ladies. Xx

[CLKD]

Is there an organisation in your area who do home visits?

[groundhog]

Hi CLKD - we have looked at this too but mother says no need.  It's difficult as she wants is for ME to take her out every day which I cannot do.  When I read my posts back it seems to me I have tried quite hard and so I suppose I just have to leave it go.  I have tried to explain to her I cannot do what she wants but I will continue to do my best but I cannot be everything to everyone all the time.
Off to sleep now - night all xxx

[Ju Ju]

  Hope you slept ok last night. Everything seems blacker when you are so tired and exhausted.

Ju Ju xxx

[CLKD]

Time to tell your Mum that although you enjoy your outings now is the time to have someone else help - that it will give you something new to talk about when you do meet up  and that you are not getting any younger and need to take a break.  Explain that if you are too tired you won't be able to see her at all ………...

[groundhog]

Hi Juju  - this sunday has definately been better than last thank you 
CLKD - yes I have tried telling her this but she doesn't get why anyone would find shopping tiring.  Ironically until the brain haem she has been fit as a fiddle all her life whereas I have had chronic illness since aged24 - I've had major surgery pretty much every year if my adult life until about 5 years ago when the menopause did help some of my problems - I had very bad endometriosis but the meno has helped with that    I try now to just take her once in the week and my sister takes her once.  She also has physio once a day too.  Plus she sees us everyday even if we don't go out.  I suppose it's partly my fault - I'm too soft I feel sorry for her - I know if I say let's go to town she lights up and is happy - the lippy is out along with the clean socks and sandals - it's sad and I wish her quality of life didn't depend on me. 
Thanks for your help it really does make a difference xxx

[honeybun]

I do really sympathise. It's never enough no matter what you do and its almost impossible to walk away.
I would love if my mother would have someone else in to keep her company and that would take the pressure off as its relentless.
Are you able to get away on holiday for a few days to recharge your batteries.

We are going for a week but before then my sister goes and my commitment doubles. I dread that week in case something happens.

Chin up.....it can only get better.


Honeyb
x

[groundhog]

Hi honeybun - I know you are in a similar situation.  It's difficult isn't it and it has come at a time of life when I'm not great either thanks to meno.  My sister helps but she is different she doesn't dwell plus she her hands more than full with 2 little boys.  We will go away - I nevr used to like going away - when I was working plus dealing with my own health issues - a holiday to me was not going to work - I was happy at home.  But now we have to go away or else everything falls on me as I am the only one not 'working' - lol.  We have had busy month and this weekend my daughter is 30 so weather permitting we have big birthday BBQ on sunday so very busy week again.  But once that is sorted we will book holiday.  I can understand how you feel when u say your sister is going away.  My sister goes away sometimes and some weekends my sister and daughter is away which means I am on nanni and dog duty ( my sister has my mothers dog as my mother would never cope so my daughter took on my sisters dog - dalmation - big and naughty ).  It's non stop.  I feel like saying ' stop the world I want to get off' but I wouldn't - yes things can get better and I will cling onto that xxx

[mary ireland]

I live since last year with my 94 yr old mum. Then my job went due to the recession. My Mum and I are polar opposites. Then the menopause came. I also have two children. I felt i was totally disintegrating. Then I found Evorel conti and God(actually He has always been with me).

Take each day as it comes and STOP OVERDOING IT!!! Realise your limitations and dont expect to have the energy you had 10 years ago. Tell yourself "This too shall pass".

Be kinder to yourself and respect where you are. You are not superwoman. Talk to me anytime.

[groundhog]

Thank you Mary Ireland.  I am learning to say no.  I too feel as tho I am disintegrating at times.  But I will keep on trying to help her without killing myself.  Thank you for the offer to chat any time
Xxx

[CLKD]

But don't take her out any more than you are able to!  Of course she enjoys a change but if you falter completely she won't get the visits never mind a trip out!

Welcome Mary Ireland ........... DH tells me that if I took all the advice I dish out I will never be anxious or worried again  so it's good to share on here.

I find that going away, if it's an hour's drive, is enough ........... a full day out away from the house or an over-nighter B&B or in the camper to somewhere with gardens/museums/antique shops/lakes is regenerating!