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[coffee mate]

I'm the same as HB and BoB in that I'm not very good at sharing my feelings or any health problems or worries I may have. I keep it all bottled up [which I know isn't good for us] I suppose I expect my poor OH to just *know* when something is wrong - which obviously is never going to happen - him NOT being a woman!! 

[coffee mate]

Same here Mrs P. MY OH thought that my only symptom of the menopause was I'd gone off sex! 

So one night I took the bull by the horns and told him everything. I was surprised how understanding he was. He told me no matter what! that my "health came first above all else".
I must say since hearing those words from him, I do feel more *relaxed* about it all - you know, like I don't have to rush with getting back to normal. What ever that is.

The reason I told him rather than let him read about it,  was I knew he would just rush through it without really understanding anything he had read.
This way at least if there was anything he didn't understand, he could ask me, rather than guess. Which is what he would have done had I not spoken to him about it.
cm xx

[Bette]

rather than guess. Which is what he would have done had I not spoken to him about it. I think that's a really good comment. My OH was absolutely brilliant throughout my "peri meltdown" - and since - but when I had a "blip" recently, I didn't think to explain that it was either my own hormones having a hissy fit or settling into my new HRT and he got really uptight one day when I was really low. Turned out he hadn't thought of hormones (as I've been doing so well on HRT) and was really worried that there was something else wrong. He was so relieved - and understanding - when I explained, that I realised that it had been selfish of me not to tell him, when I was actually trying to "cope" without complaining yet again.
Communication, communication, communication, as they say!
Bette x

[san]

I find it hard to talk to mine about meno or other things that bother me. I don't know why but wish I could relax a bit more. Generally when I have a problem I find it difficult to talk about it to anyone 

[Heron]

I can totally relate to what you are saying san.
It's completely ridiculous – I know – but I would rather struggle on my own than admit to my husband that I was suffering with meno symptoms. And , likewise  I've opened up more on this forum than I ever have to friends and family about other difficult issues.

[Oldteen]

Same here Sandlsim. Some of the members here know more about my innermost thoughts and feelings than anyone else in my life does.

[viv]

I have never been a sharer when it comes to things personal or medical. I just feel as if everyone has their own problems and they do not want to hear me moaning about mine.

I dont think its a particularly good way to be. I have seen my OHs eyebrows raise when I have said anything so generally I just trudge on and try to deal with things myself. Maybe I am not giving him a chance but its not like you have this meno lark for a week and then it goes away.

It can be a lonely road to travel though.

Honeyb
x

[san]

.... its not like you have this meno lark for a week and then it goes away.
It can be a lonely road to travel though.

Think you've hit the nail on the head there. It's why a forum like this is so important. It breaks down the isolation

[anita vadhir]

Oh how times can change, I have just found the post I  wrote on the 14th July 2011, praising my wonderful husband for his understanding.
He came home from work early yesterday to tell me how angry he is about my menopause, or "illness" as he calls it....
He says he is not coping very well and is feeling angry and neglected.
Maybe he thought the menopause was a two minute thing and it would all be over quickly but months down the road the poor man is suffering................. suffering...suffering !!!!!! i have days where I think if it were not for my amazing children I would like to just drift away and not "suffer" this weird time.
I dont quite know how to approach the situation now?

When I am feeling well and having a good day I like to catch up with the kids who are 19 and 22, and meet them for coffee or suppa.... this apparently makes my husband feel neglected, if I can pay the kids attention why cant I do the same for him. He says all he wants is some attention and to go out to lunch every now and then.
I have these weird anxiety feelings so unless I am having a really good day I dont want to go very far, and I want to use those few good times to see my kids, who have both left home. I work with my husband so we are around each other every day.

I feel totally unsupported, and I feel like he is behaving like a small demanding child. I can only just manage to hold myself together at the moment let alone have to look after him too.

I feel angry but mostly disappointed. We are not speaking. The thing I find with the meno is that I cant just put on a brave face and make every thing ok and it seems like that is what he wants me to do. The meno is going nowhere fast.

I am a believer in communication being the key but what do you say to someone who is angry with you for something you cant help.... I refuse to go to lunch with him and sit and suffer just to make him feel better, I tell him how I am feeling which I admit is repetative and boring but its real and its happening...... they tell me it wont go on for ever 

[Rosebush]

Neeta you say

"When I am feeling well and having a good day I like to catch up with the kids who are 19 and 22, and meet them for coffee or suppa"....

Could you not include him as well, and have some 'family meet ups' ..i know its hard to cope with low feelings, but its 'him' who listens to your feeling, as you work with him everyday, so maybe for him to 'feel' included on your 'good days' could ease the tension between you..

[anita vadhir]

Thanks Rosebush, I do include him but it seems that because I arrange with the kids and then ask him along he still feels neglected. They are not his children he is my 2nd husband although we have been together since the kids were four and two...

[anita vadhir]

Thanks Susan, that was my reaction too.... I wanted to say just grow up !! The kids are not his so he doesnt share my excitement in seeing them and having some precious one to one time with them.

I am trying to put myself in his shoes and I imagine I would feel a little neglected too but I would like to think I would understand where he was coming from and let him put his needs first at a difficult time. I imagine I would make a fuss of him and let him know I was there if needed. Perhaps subconciously thats what I need, I am struggling daily just to run the business and get through my day every thing is a massive effort and the last thing I need is a moody whiney husband.

I know it must be hard for him but I would like to see how much he would consider me if he woke up almost every day with a head like a lead balloon, crippling anxiety, and hormones from hell. when I do wake up and feel great i want the old Neeta back and be normal for a day and just take care of me not my needy husband................. aggggrrrrr am I ranting now?

Susan dont want to belittle your moan about the constant tea and coffee offer but I had to giggle...isn't it funny what tiny little things drive us crazy

thanks for post... have had a long walk on the beach today....ALONE..... cos I feel good today and wanted some me time to clear my head.

building up to chat with the old man over a glass of wine later.....may end in tears 

[Robyn]

I really feel sympathy for you ladies who don't have understanding partners in your life.  I'm single, so I don't have to worry about appeasing a mere male, but it does make me really angry when I hear about men belittling women for what we have to go through, or just showing a complete lack of interest. If a man is having hard time of it, even if it's just man-flu, everyone has to hear about it and lay on the tea and sympathy. Why can't women get the same treatment?

I do have a number of male friends in my life (both single and married) and surprisingly a lot of them are quite sympathetic, but I have one male friend who will literally run from the room (I'm not joking) if the subject of hormones, menopause or periods enters into the conversation. I can't believe that a grown man could act so childishly about something. I feel sorry for his partner. She is in her mid 40s and not showing any specific symptoms at the moment, but when/if she does she will have absolutely no support from him at all. Fortunately she will have all her girlfriends to lean on.

[Oldteen]

I'm very lucky in that I've come through the meno pretty well, as I can't imagine my husband being understanding either. I've had mild hot flushes, and emotional ups and downs, some of which I have displayed in front of him, but on the whole I've kept it together in his presence. He does get bewildered by my occasional tiredness though.

[arjayw41]

Can I just say that....it isnt just the women who are moody and irritable! Husbands can be going through something similiar - whether from drop in testosterone, or simply by being middle aged but overworked. Apparently there is such a thing as manopause....

I would actually say that in our house it is my husband who is acting like the menopausal woman and I am the one having to keep the peace (in between my hot flushes and mood swings)