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[Ju Ju]

Yes it is difficult to take it to heart that it ok to be who you are and that you are amazing, even if you understand that on an intellectual level. I was told that we are born wonderful, but life experiences get in the way and we develop our egos. In other words, what we think we are rather than the essence of who we really are. I grew up believing I wasn't up to much, not worthy of the good things in life. I am still amazed to married a wonderful man and to have brought 2 amazing children. My husband never saw what my ego thought. He saw who I really am. I suggest you ask someone who loves you to tell you why they love you and what they see in you. I can tell just from your posts, that you are a caring, loving person, Taz.

I believe you, like me, are a teacher. Or was in my case. I have worked with children with Asperger's and recently with an adult and I think the biggest problem is acceptance and understanding from the wider world. Yes, learning social skills does help, but is very difficult. It is a shame that the rest of us can't accept them as they are. The emotional stress is enormous if there is not adequate support.

[Taz2]

Thanks Ju Ju. I had the most amazing upbringing with parents who loved me no matter what I did. I was taught that the important thing was just to do my best - the worst thing was not to try - the best thing was just to do your best and if you didn't succeed then that wasn't important. It is true what you say about our egos.

Taz x

[Ju Ju]

How wonderful. This is what unconditional love means. I have the pleasure of seeing my little grandson grow up with parents who love him for being. No conditions. If bad behaviour occurs it is dealt with firmly, but with love.

[CLKD]

My Mum told me to 'do your best' …….. but I wasn't encouraged to do what I actually wanted to do or what at that time, thought I was capable of  ………. but I have walked other routes and met some lovely/not people …….. DH and I grew up in the same School so he had watched me from a distance   

It does help if we can 'feel' what others feel ….. not always easy particularly when some people are different without being able to experience it.  I lack an ability to listen, I 'jump in' with comments which can vary the conversation away from the original topic ……… something I am working on daily ……… 

People also fit in in order to survive in some instances.  They then mature later or not at all.  At least teachers are more aware that home situations can cause certain traits in children …….

[Ju Ju]

CLKD, listening and being truly present when you are listening is a skill that can be learnt. It is amazing how much you can recall after you have really listened to someone, taking the focus off yourself and not thinking about what you want to say. An exercise you can try if you go out is trying not to say anything about yourself, but listen and encourage others to talk. It's fun, but difficult. Most of us like to talk ourselves.

I agree we do learn behaviours, particularly when children in order to protect ourselves, but sometimes taking these behaviours into adulthood can be inappropriate and detriment to our well being.

[CLKD]

 

[Dandelion]

Why worry about what people think?
Because if they think badly of you, they treat you badly.
When a lot of people are treating you badly, life can get very difficult.
If it happens from a young age, it can mentally scar you.

Not only did I not fit in at school, I never fit in at home either.
I got the same bullying and exclusion from my siblings and parents as I did from my school peers and teachers.

It caused lots of problems, many of them I could not resolve, because I did not know they were there.
I spent years and years in denial of how badly I was treated so I could never address problems.
I didn't have any guidance in life and as a result, I feel like a child in an adults body.
Not being accepted and loved for who I am has made me feel unwelcome on the planet.

[CLKD]

However:  :for you: here we are all one …… with similar problems and experiences.

I used to worry dreadfully 

[Ju Ju]

Dear Dandelion,

The biggest problem here is not what others think of you but what you think think of yourself. You are far, far harsher and judgemental of your self than anyone else. Please, please have a go at reading 'The Insideout Revolution' by Michael Neale or 'Lovability' by Robert Holden or 'Real Love' by Greg Baer. All books I have found incredibly helpful and say far more than I can.

You sound very low and battered by your life experience. But your experiences are not unique, which means you are not alone. I send you a virtual hug! Ju Ju xx

[Dandelion]

Hi JuJu

Thanks for your message.

[CLKD]

I loves me I does 

[Ju Ju]

 

I loves me too!

[CLKD]

When I ask DH how much he loves me, he tells me 'enough' 

[Wombat]

I loves me too.......and you and you and you.....

Let's spread the love 

Xx

[CLKD]

do something good each day for another person - like a pebble dropped into a puddle the ripples will spread