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[honeybun]

Bright purple 

Honeyb
x

[CLKD]

with pink melted in and lilac edging 

[jacquiellen]

My mum always told me and still does "the more you do, the more you may" so true!

[Dyan]

What an interesting thread.
I use to take on too much in helping people. I couldn't say no because I thought they would think bad of me.
I've been taken advantage of by some people,who I've now dropped, because of my kindness.
I don't rush in anymore with, "Yes,that's ok I can do that" and then think about it and wish I could have said no.
I've run around for people and got no thanks.
And as for depression.i was in hospital 5 wks 10 years ago and got 2 get well cards.
One from my OH and children and one from my best friend.
Everyone knew I was in there suffering a breakdown.
If I had had an operation or broken a bone I'm sure the cards would have come then.( well I hope )
I now take a step back,help where I can and stop thinking people will not like me if I don't say yes.

[Ju Ju]

Yes, the most important person to look after is yourself. If you don't, how can you help others effectively?

There is a stigma about mental health issues. Yet most people suffer in some way during their lives. I was shocked by the conditions of the hospital ward a young friend was in recently. I think it would have made me depressed if I had had to stay there. I'm not impressed with the quality of aftercare she is receiving.

[Dyan]

Ju Ju
I'm lucky to be able to have private medical care for my mental health.
The NHS has let me down over the years and the only way that I'm still here is because my OH got me into a private hospital and the aftercare is brilliant but I have to pay for it.
I feel for people who are not getting the care they deserve.

[CLKD]

That's the problem with care from cradle to the grave 

<wave> Dyan 

[Ju Ju]

 When I was a young teenager in the 60s, my GP referred me to a child psychiatrist. I was told I was clinically depressed. I had symptoms that would probably be called OCD these days. I had to go every month, each time seeing someone different, each time relating my story yet again. I might be asked if I had suicidal thoughts or if I wanted to be admitted to hospital. My answer NO was never explored. I was seen in isolation from my family, as if I was the problem and not the family dynamics. I have always wondered how they thought they were helping me.

I had hoped things had changed through the years. My lovely young friend tried commit suicide. During her stay in the hospital ward, Noone talked to her about this. She was told she would not get better. No one has told her she matters, that she is wonderful, worthy and that her suicidal thoughts are just that; she does not have to follow through with action.

 Having mental issues does not mean you are less worthy or that it diminishes you in any way. I have more respect for anyone who been through a struggle, be it mental health issues, alcoholism etc and found their way through. I'm sure it makes you stronger and more empathic with others.

Sorry just voicing my thoughts.

[CLKD]

I wish I hadn't suffered depression and anxiety though, it ruined parts of my Life  ……… the phobia had a hold for over 30 years  …….. but I hope I have more empathy ...

[Ju Ju]

I have never met you CLKD, but I have read many of your posts recently. Empathy flows through your words. I would never wish such experience on anyone. You should be proud of yourself. I was also thinking of my husband. He has always been a good, lovely man, but tended to think that recovering from depression was a matter of pulling your socks, until he suffered from stress himself. He is now the go to person, when people need support. I understand you too have the support of a lovely man. A lot to be thankful for.

[CLKD]

   I have mellowed over the years because DH switches off.  I can be fiesty, reactive, nasty at times  ........... and was judgemental too ...... until s..t hit the fan ..........

[Dyan]

JuJu, just read your post with interest.
I could have been reading about myself.
I too was referred to a child psychiatrist in my teens.
I've always had OCD traits from little and it took a 5 week stay in a private hospital 10 years ago to get a diagnosis of OCD with accompanying anxiety & depression.
I had been let down by the NHS for all those years and prescribed all sorts of meds which worked for a while then the problem would rear up again.
Now I know what it is the medication helps,the CBT I had & still have is helping me to manage it.

[CLKD]

I dont' think OCD was realised by a lot of people, how many villages had a local 'odd' person, accepted and known and the villagers would close ranks if strangers moved in and made comments  …….. we had a lad who was 'strange' but we now think he had Asperger's syndrome.  If you told him your date of birth he would tell you the day on which you had been born, without pausing for breath  ……….

It may be because people have brome mobile that people are more judgemental? because it is safer to be part of a crowd but the crowd situation becomes fragmented when people move away or strangers move 'in'.  Safer to live within a certain social strata ………. because each Culture has it's religions/routines/cultural customs which may seem sinister to outsiders ……….. even now my Mum will discuss with her siblings, people who they all grew up with, often going back to when they were all kids together and working their memories through the years since  …….. tales told and reiterated whereas when people move into an area ……….  it is said that in the village where Mum was raised that you had to have great grandchildren in the local School before the 'locals' would call you by your Christian name  ….. so we become engrained in following a certain cultural system in order to fit in 

[Ju Ju]

Thanks Dyan. I think my healing started after ADs age 14. The fog lifted from my brain and I was able to catch up with some areas of the school curriculum, but not the sciences. Still have a blank there. I made a decision that I was going to live and enjoy life, stop trying to fight the obsessive behaviour, just work round it. I went on a holiday with blind people as a volunteer and explained to some of the other volunteers why I took so long in the bathroom. Reaction was OK and a kindly so what. What seemed enormous shrunk. Leaving home was the best thing, though I have continued to deal with the issues through my life. It has been suggested that the ADs arrested my sexual development. Who knows. Always had low libido and energy. I am proud that I have not passed on my need to be clean to my children. I have not taken ADs since early 20s and avoided medical help. I believe the ADs saved my life, so I don't regret taking them. During the last few years, I have had help from a therapist and a life coach.

CLKD, I think it is unfortunately a human trait to be suspicious and afraid of perceived differences, be it mental illness, learning difficulties, skin colour, religion, accents and so on. Hence prejudice, bullying, wars..... Talking of Asperger's syndrome, I have heard that everyone has traits be it to greater or lesser degrees! I just wish we could celebrate and focus on what people can do rather than what they can't. This is written with feeling! My severely dyslexic son, who gave up at the school that gave up on him, has just passed his final exams of his degree. I am sooooo proud and excited for him.

[Taz2]

I would be who I am if I could only find out who that was!!  I have always been different and not fitted in - liking winter and dark days for instance and not wanting to travel anywhere with other people - but when I had some counselling some time back because I had become "fragmented" the first thing she said when I said I wanted to be like other people was "just be yourself - enjoy who you are". This leads to loneliness sometimes though - it would be nice to enjoy what others do at times and to be able to plan things with my (patient) friends.

Your story is very moving Ju Ju - well done to you. It is true that we all have some autistic and asperger traits in our make-up. It is only when these have the upper hand that problems can arise. It is difficult to teach a child with aspergers without squashing their natural personality but it is necessary to try if the child is to be able to function in the world as a social person. Lots of social skills help can make a huge difference.

Taz x