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[LindyLouLou]

Hello again ladies.  My husband told me to go back to bed as I hadn't slept hardly last night, so just got up again and trying to start the day again! Thank you all for your replies, and please don't anyone apologise for anything, it is just so helpful  to read the messages and realise others are going through the same.

Having lost both parents in my 20s I have relied so much on my brothers to be there.  The older one had heart surgery years ago and now my younger one needs this by pass.  He may have to wait 5 months! For some reason just never thought he would have to go through this too. Now I have got myself into such a state about my health - hearing my heart beating in my ear and racing etc and think I am going to have a heart attack or stroke at any moment. The physical symptoms of anxiety are awful aren't they.  It also seems to be so selfish worrying about myself!

I have been taking 20mg of citalopram for the past few years since my last blip, so is that quite a low dose?  I was interested to read CKLD you do a bit of self medication.  If I upped my dose do you think it would make me feel bad like it did when I first went on it?  This medication did seem to take a while to kick in and initially I felt worse.

Feeling very tearful - a combination of my anxiety and your caring replies. Thank you all for your helpful comments.
Lindy xx

[Sarah2]

Hi again

Have you tried or thought about mindfulness - or CBT? or hypnosis?

[LindyLouLou]

I am trying to tell myself I have been here before and it did get better! How do you ladies deal with the lack of appetite, feeling so sick and shakey but empty?

I really shouldn't be so surprised this has raised its ugly head during menopause, had post natal depression and anxiety, also in my teenage years (40 years ago) I could hardly eat as I would vomit in certain situations.  Dr said it was "nerves" and put me on valium and then Librium heaven forbid! When I met my husband I seemed to blossom and didn't have this awful anxiety again until childbirth. Hubby gone out to buy biscuits.

Thank you  Sarah 2 have just seen your message posted as I was writing this.  I will certainly give this some thought and thanks for your suggestions.  I will try the mindfulness tonight as well when laying there!

Thanks again everyone, hope you all have a good day.


Lindy xx

[CLKD]

I am on a low maintenance dose.  In your situation I would speak with my GP.  I also take beta-blockas for anxiety as well as an emergency pill which he will only prescribe occasionally but it really helps.  Once I get over the anxiety I can begin to eat/drink again, otherwise I stop completely  .......... even the sight of food adverts makes my stomach heave and boy, are there a LOT  - in magazines, daily papers, bill-boards ........

Also: if one has taken one AD for a while and stops: the brain won't have the same up-take for the same preparation.  So changing to a slightly different AD might be useful!

[groundhog]

Yes anxiety is terrible and takes over your head.  I did speak to my GP re the scan result that has caused today's anxiety.  She said I had an enlarged pancreatic duct.  This was on a previous scan too taken two years ago so she is not concerned.  I was ok and then I googled it.  Now I am anxious again.
Ignorance can be bliss and a little knowledge is a bad thing.
I will make an appointment to discuss this scan result properly and discuss my anxiety issues.
How are you feeling Lindy Lou?

[Kathleen]

Hello ladies, just wanted to say that I sympathise as I am also struggling with anxiety at the moment (only briefly interrrupted by flushes and surges of pure rage, wth?).
I am on patches HRT and I am also having counselling which I believe is helping me cope with these intense feelings.

My mother became ill suddenly and died of a brain tumour when I was in my early thirties and for a while I worried about my health whenever I had a headache.  I think if I faced the same situation now I would be a lot more sensitive, partly because I'm older and youth is now longer on my side, but mainly because of the  menopause and what the hormonal changes are doing to my abilities to cope.
All I can do is send hugs and hope that we all begin to feel better as soon as possible.
Take care.

K.   

[LindyLouLou]

Hello everyone,  thank you all so much for your replies, it helps so much.  I went to work today - after another bad night, really had to push myself - I work in a school so have had two weeks off.  My husband says he can see it in me when I am like this. He thinks it has been brewing for a few days before it hit me Sunday. Someone today mentioned about me not being my usual self.  I know I wasn't like this when we broke up for the hols.
 
Had a good cry just now - haven't done that in ages - maybe because of the citalopram?
Perhaps that is what we need to do to get it out.

I am sorry that so many of you are suffering too - although strangely reassuring at the same time. Anxiety is such a horrible condition to have to deal with.

I feel so sorry for my brother too, he was always so fit and healthy.  I have to turn my thinking round to the fact it is good it was found and they can operate.

Hope you all have a good evening
xx

[Wombat]

Hello lindyloulou and ladies

Anxiety really is the pits, I am currently on a half dose of Prozac 10mg which is just about holding me.

I was on seroxat for a few years and couldn't come off it...terrible withdrawl, so changed to Prozac, which is easier to come off apparently

When I get the gloom and dooms now I force myself to go for a walk, sometimes I cry whilst I walk, but at least it is a release of emotions ....if I can't even force myself to go for a walk, I try to sleep for an hour.

Being on this forum really helps me as I realise it is not just me....

Talking (or typing) really is good therapy

THANKYOU
Wombat x

[LindyLouLou]

Definitely helps to talk on here.  Have taken your advice CLKD. Rang my surgery yesterday in bits and seeing a dr this afternoon. Dreadful night again - must be experiencing the whole list of anxiety symptoms. Can't cope at the moment.
Hope we all get some relief soon.
Lindy xx

[leony]

So sorry you are going through this i am on Prozac after loads of different upsets over a quite a few years just getting back to some sort of normal then OH had to go to GP as he had swollen bits leave it to your imagination found out nothing wrong down there but found something suspicious on his 1 kidney now going through more tests CT scan and Urologist next week so had a massive blip last week. We have been married 40 years this year and even though he drives me nuts at times I cant imagine life without him. Hope you feel a bit more upbeat today and it really does help to talk. 

[CLKD]

Hope the GP helped?

Leony - keep us up to date!

[saladgirl]

Hi lindyloulou and all - haven't been on for a while - seemed to be coping ok but am now sooo anxious - in fact I am glad I am on my own cos I must look a right idiot -sobbing and shakey.  Have been reading about VA and the vagifem which I have been on now for 2 years though I must admit I don't take them regularly - just for weeks at a time when the pain is bad.  I have been in agony just under my right rib and am going for scan to see if it is gallstones but that 'pessimist' in me keeps telling me it is something more sinister. My other half is going for a scan too and I am worrying about this -seems endless Have had a head from hell today and seem to feel just dizzy etc.  The more I try to find something to do the more I don't feel like doing stuff but sitting at home seems to give my mind the opportunity to think of all sorts of rubbish.  I am also tired with not sleeping properly though I think this is partly to do with my other half going to the loo and then I cant relax and get back to sleep but I feel exhausted.
This site is ace lindy and even if I don't get a reply it helps just to 'talk'' about it if you know what I mean.  Take care and I hope things calm down for yu 

[LindyLouLou]

Hello Leony, Salad Girl and CLKD, thank you again for your replies.  It helps so much.  Just seems so horrible we have to keep going through all these health problems/scares, if not us then our nearest and dearest.  This morning I felt like a deflated balloon and after what happened yesterday I am not surprised. If you have got the will and energy to read on I will try and keep it brief!!
Laid awake most of night panicking.
At 7 texted my friends at work and boss to say I wouldn't be in as felt so ill. My hands were shaking so much could hardly type, literally felt I was going to die.
Waited for my drs appointment mid afternoon - feeling dreadful.  At surgery another women there with head in hands - was abt my age so convinced the poor woman was going through the same as us. After in the chemist, from the conversation I could hear she definitely was.  She looked in pieces.
After my chat with dr, although he said all recent blood tests (apart from blood sugar, little high) were all fine, I didn't feel any relief.  He was a lovely chap but didn't seem to have much clue how to deal with the jibbering wreck in front of him, apart from ask what I thought would help.  Going to up my dose of citalopram to 30mg but may take 3 to 4 weeks to kick in!
After I left and picked up my presc for something to help me sleep, I decided that there and then I had to see an optician. I know about changes behind the eye being a sign to high blood pressure etc and maybe leading to damage of other organs if not controlled.  I have been so concerned about this that I haven't had my eyes tested for 5 years and I wear glasses!  I ran into an optician close by - in my panic asked to see the pharmacist - she said it is the opticians! Unfortunately only the receptionist there and no optician or other customers! I ran to one down the road and I must have looked such a sight - pouring with rain I was soaked but they could see I needed to see an optician!  Fortunately a lovely young girl dealt with me and everything with eyes ok.  As I sat there chatting after with her my stomach was making sounds like I have never heard before - due obviously to not eating for days!!  God knows what she thought she was faced with!!
Came home - not bad nights sleep considering the previous few.  This morning feel deflated but a bit calmer, still feeling sick, but hope will all settle further.  I think I may have had some sort of breakdown!
Thanks to all who have read through my ramble - I do hope you are all coping.
I hope no one I know saw me yesterday afternoon.
Lots of love and hugs
LindyLouLou

[CLKD]

You ramble away!  Sometimes writing 'it' down helps us see the wood for the trees.

You will find that the added dose will probably kick in sooner than 3-4 weeks  - let the medication do the work, don't look for improvement, easier said than done but you will probably realise that you 'feel better' after a few days.

At least your eye test is fine!  Another plus to tick off the list. 

Nausea: if you havenn't eaten properly for a few days your gut will be empty ......... apparently  - what have you to hand to nibble? I use dried fruits and nuts, bananas, chocolate, Redybrek, diced chicken breasts with ginger/garlic on a bed of plain rice, pancakes.  The issue is to begin eating little and often to up your energy levels and to allow your body to be nourished.

It takes discipline to begin eating again <sigh> ......... after 40 years of anorexia I now recognise when I am hungry and not ill!

So what if anyone saw you     

[LindyLouLou]

Thanks CLKD for your words and tips on eating.  You certainly have been through a lot and your help with all this is gratefully received. 
Also exactly, why should I worry if anyone saw me as a mad woman running around yesterday afternoon in a panic  , one of my added stresses I put on myself I think - everything, including me has to always look fine and dandy!! Def much harder to achieve nowadays though!
LindyLouLou
xx