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[Sarah2]

Baby steps  are the way forward mandy. You need to plan a series of small changes- for example having your husband next to you when you open a letter might be one way, or having a friend with you if you manage to make it to the drs to collect results. This is a phobia you have and the way to treat that is gradual exposure to the things you fear. The first step is deciding that you want to change. If you don't, and are happy to rely on your husband, then you won't be motivated- and nothing will change. It's hard to step outside a comfort zone when it's gone on for so long- but it IS possible if you want it enough.

Has your dr referred you recently for professional help?

[mandy43]

Bless you ladies for your words of comfort.  I know it's a phobia.  And I had a brilliant year last year... extremely positive and accomplished so many things in that one year that I have in the last 20!  However, once things started to go wrong with me physically, as in the meno symptoms, I lost all that control I had and started to do what I do best and internalise everything.  I feel really annoyed with myself for letting it take control again.  I have a really good diet and I'm probably in the best physical shape I've been in since I had all my babies.  I went from a size 22 down to a 14 and I exercise daily and eat really healthily.  But I hate not being able to act like an adult and face things like this, I act like I've been given a death sentence and it's only what every woman has to go through... stupid!!

[Dancinggirl]

Congratulations on the weight loss - that is fabulous.  Clearly you have the strength to conquer your demons - we all have our demons and meno can really, really  feed our fears. You can conquer this - go for it.
DG x

[Hurdity]

Congratulations from me too - that's tremendous !!!

Also just to add CLKD is absolutely right re the tests.

They are inconclusive - because presumably they don't show you are definitely approaching menopause (which as discussed will often be the case for peri-menopausal women) and ditto the thyroid. For example your results may be borderline for underactive thyorid so they are doing another one to check. If you do have an underactive thyroid ( as some women develop around menopause) then this will enable proper treatment (thyroxine) so that you can feel well again. As I said below, do make sure your husband gets the actual readings for all the tests and then at least you can look up the reference ranges yourself and be re-assured, and able to know what's going on in your body!

Hurdity x

[mandy43]

Thanks Ladies, seems that you were all right.  My husband spoke to the doctor (I know how ridiculous this sounds, him and not me talking to the doc).  Anyway, my estrogen level is low which indicates that I'm entering the meno, although the FSH was normal.  So they want to test again to see what the numbers are and then possibly talk to me about starting HRT.  Doc said thyroid often comes back inconclusive and this is nothing to be concerned about.  I'm going to retest in a couple of months.  Doc reckons I could be irregular now and symptomatic for at least another 3 years before they finish completely, but I think I've got maybe another year at the most, as it has all been very sudden and quick.  Anyway, you're a wonderful group of women that have helped me dearly and I will keep posting when I get scared or worried and need some support xx

[lubylou]

Hi mandy43
It sounds like you are getting good support from your GP and your husband sounds like he's a fantastic support too. Health phobia is very common and there is a lot of help available to help you overcome this like CBT. Maybe see if this is an option you might want to think about?

By the way you are not alone in dreading the sound of the letterbox, I had a brief period when I felt the same way, it doesn't have to be that way forever

Wish you well, come back and visit.
Lubylou

[bev567901]

Hi Mandy, You had a good year last year so you will be good again. It seems impossible currently but I bet in a few mths time things will be different.  I had a new carpet fitted today,perfectly normal thing but 6 mths ago I couldn't have done it. Don't ask why completely irrational reasons. This meno/peri has some very strange side effects. I could list a whole load of weird things to make you feel quite sane, I do think though that the little demons we had pre all this do grow into huge monsters but we can shrink them back down again. B xx

[mandy43]

You're so right Bev, the smallest things seem to send me in a panic and where as once I lived life on wing and a prayer, now I seem to be planning everything well in advance and making lists and keeping a calendar... so unlike me.  And the more I try to organise life the more I seem to worry about everything... weird!!  I think it's my way of trying to take back control, as I do feel a bit lost with all of this.  And I think Lubylou that I just don't feel ready  for this yet, it's all happened within the last 12 months and it feels too fast.  I am really quite sad about it all coming to an end xx

[CLKD]

Some ladies need to grieve for 'that' Life and the 'next', it's The Change and everything begins to alter …… well done the Husband!

[bev567901]

It is like an overwhelming thing isn't it. I am used to living life at 100 miles an hour juggling several things at a time its what keeps me sane I would hate to be bored. Its funny how things can change at this time. I think the most important thing is to think it won't be like this forever the old us will be back & it might even be a better version. That is what I keept telling myself & there is no rush either we need to get better at our own speed. B x

[CLKD]

I know that I could never do the jobs that I took on in my 20s/30s  …… in fact I wonder sometimes how I *did* manage them ……. it took a while to accept that I was changing but in hindsight, every stage of my Life has been a room and when I shut the door on one room, something surprising happened 

[Dancinggirl]

Very good post CLKD - I really agree with your viewpoint. I've just spent ages composing a post to Dandelion and you have just summed up what I was trying to say.
Accepting the stage we are at NOW and appreciating it is the key. Bitterness about what we have lost will eat you up.
DG xxx

[CLKD]

   ….. it did take a while to accept that a) I have changed  because of anxiety and depression and b) that I have, as I age, more knowledge to offer.  Also, I don't take a lot of crap any more and I know that if I had those jobs now I would have handled them differently and a lot better 

I try to take 10 mins each day to 'smell the roses', this week it's searching the garden for new Spring bulbs!  Trouble is, when we are poorly we want to feel well and we want it yesterday …….

[lubylou]

Mandy43
I completely understand what you mean about it all happening to fast and trying ways to take control back. As it happens I feel pretty down about “life” myself due to a sudden increase in my meno symptoms, but what I wanted to say is that in 2006 my life was turned upside down by a sudden and life changing illness. I thought I would never have a “life” again. But I did get out of that dark hole and have had a very fulfilling time since. Try and take things slowly and don't think of this as forever, things will get better, maybe different, but better than you are feeling about things now.Honest.
Lubylou

[CLKD]

  LubyLou!