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[countrybumpkin]

Not sure if this is right place but as it affects mental health maybe??
Due to trauma in childhood I have always had an almost phobia about being alone. Spending any time alone makes me very anxious. It has improved as I have got older but so many of my friends have lost their husbands recently and this has resurected my old fears. I tell myself not to dwell on what  may or may not be in the future and just enjoy myself with my husband but its such an intense fear that its hard to push it away. 
I have had therapy in the past and basically was told that what happened as a child was so traumatic that its no wonder I have this fear and also fear of illness causing death,
Just wondered if there is anyone on here who has the same fear and how they keep it at bay?
Hoping I am not the only loopyloo on here  

[CLKD]

Nope.  I DREAD the day when DH dies  …….. we have been together since I was 16 (and 'they' said it wouldn't last  ) ……. when we are out and about together I look at obviously widowed ladies on jaunts in cafes/shops etc. and think "I can't cope with being alone once DH dies" ………. so I try to make sure I don't snap at him although sometimes    …….. and we do lots of stuff together whilst we are able to.  I look at Mum now 87 getting 'on', keeping herself occupied since Dad died in 2006.  <sigh>

You are not alone!

[lubylou]

I DREAD the day when DH dies  …….. we have been together since I was 16 (and 'they' said it wouldn't last  ) …

Same here (I was also 16) and ditto to that!
Lubylou

[CLKD]

He's not worried about it though ………. 

[countrybumpkin]

thanks both, its nice to know that its not just me who has these thoughts.

[honeybun]

It's the unknown that I am scared of.

You are not alone in these thoughts at all.


Honeyb
x

[purplenanny]

Not just you countrybumpkin. These fears worry me every day. My hubby is quite a lot older than me and we have been together 39 years.
We were forced apart by his illness for 3 months a while back and it was awful.
I wish I could enjoy our time together without thoughts of the future. There is no guarantee on who goes first..all that worry could be for no reason
I never thought like this when younger, is it an 'age' thing?
 PN x x

[CLKD]

I have always worried about DH dying.  But it is worse for 5 years so I enjoy every moment we can get out and about ......... it's no good me asking him how he feels 'cos he doesn't give it a thought, I have asked "how long would you mourn for me" and he told me, 'oh about 5 mins.'  - in other words, stop fretting ..........

[Bo Snow]

Same here. Been with my hubby since I was 15 (39 years ago). No idea when this all started but I worry every day how I'd cope if anything happened to him and sometimes think i'd not be able to carry on if anything happened. Several friends have lost their OH's recently and maybe that's what has made me think. I lost both my parents within a very short time 3 years ago and although I have friends and family it's that precious thing of having an irreplaceable soul mate that I dread losing so much...
Glad to know i'm not alone here and hope it comforts you Countrybumpkin to know we're with you on this. 

[purplenanny]

Yes, that's it exactly...fears of losing an irreplaceable soulmate, well said BoSnow.
PN x x

[Joyce]

Daughter & I had similar discussion. Worried how'd we cope if we lost our OHs. Both of us said the same thing, "Hope I go first." Does that seem selfish? My mum coped, well maybe not coped, but muddled along for over 30 years after my dad died. My brother lost his first wife & has remarried. My mum couldn't, as she reckoned nobody could ever replace my dad.

[honeybun]

My mum and dad were devoted to one another and after my dad died my mother really just cancelled out for a couple of years. I was 19 and it was very hard to see.
I used to take her to the cemetery every Sunday. We eventually started to talk to an older man who had lost his wife.
This went on for months. One week we missed going and the man turned up at the door to see if my mother was ok........He died seven years ago and they were married for 20 years.
It was never love for either of them....it was companionship and they were both quite happy.
I never thought she would move on with her life but she did.......so it is possible.


Honeyb
x

[purplenanny]

Ahh, thats lovely honeyb.

People do cope and some find new relationships, it is just so difficult to imagine doing so. When you have shared most of your life with someone and know each other so well, it must be very hard to adjust to life without them

My dearest aunty remarried at the age of 75 after losing her first husband of 50 years. They had 5 very happy years together before he died and she always said it was a totally different love and relationship
PN x x

[honeybun]

My mum's one true love was my dad. There could never been a man born who would replace him in her eyes and my step father knew this and he had been the same with his first wife.
They just sort of clicked though. A relationship born out of loneliness. There was never the closeness though they were very fond of each other. He was 90 when he passed away. He was a nice kind man but he could never replace my dad.


Honeyb
x

[Joyce]

Ahh HB. My dad passed when I was 7, but I would love to have really got to know him. I have few memories of him, nearly all happy.  It was love at first sight for my dad. Saw my mum at a dance & told his best friend he'd marry her one day & he did.