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[Taz2]

I have had the same problems with mine oldsheep and all I can say to you is "save your breath". You wont change him. He wont change until he wants to and this is him - like it or not.

I had some counselling a few years ago and the counsellor mentioned the fact that quite often wives become more like mothers to their husbands. They keep on at them (all for very good reasons) and nag about things which the man should really take under control himself. This is enabling behaviour. She told me that I should sit my husband down and explain why I was worried but also tell him that this was the last time I would mention it. This would mean I could let it go - it was not my problem but his. So I did that. He hasn't changed but I now know that it is not my problem, not my fault and not within my power to change.

Your husband is who he is oldsheep - it is what makes him "him".

Taz x 

[Joyce]

Not saying I don't nag, I do occasionally. However, doubt he'd have hung around for all these years without some compromises. I would never lay down the law though. He'd have told me where to put it. He's never laid down the law with me either. It's about working through these things together as a couple.

We love them as they are, and they us, even if it takes some nagging from time to time. After all nobody is perfect.

[honeybun]

I never nagged about the hours my hubby worked. Apart from anything else it would have been pointless. It was very hard at times but we managed. As he left on a Monday morning and I knew it would be a few weeks before I saw him again 

He got his social time though. Golf trips, motor racing and all the rest of the things blokes do.

As you say CG we just worked through it together. I do appreciate his company now and make the most of it.


Honeyb
x

[Joyce]

I suggested him joining me at gym, when he cuts back. Should have seen his face. 

I miss him terribly if I'm away visiting grandchildren. It's only a few days usually, but just like him being around. We get to go together next month though.

[oldsheep]

thanks everyone and Taz, I know you're right. He's all I have though - no kids, no close family and my best friends are dotted around the world, we've been together 34 years and have been through a lot, so we have an incredibly deep bond.
I can see how pale he looks right now, and his tum isn't right (no results yet) and he's ratty as hell so I just worry. I'm going to keep up ringing him at 6.30pm - 7pm to chase 'when are you coming home' but I think the rest he just tunes out, yes.
As for the rest, I'm working on keeping him happy 

For our anniversary he bought me another dress online (some of you might remember the Sack Saga from before!  ) - it's lovely this time but doesn't fit at the neck as I have really small shoulders and a not-so-small waist. So disappointed. So he won't stop trying to smarten me up and I won't stop trying to make him work less and make time for more fun stuff. He's given up pottery (no time). I'm going to fuss if he gives up his 6pm cricket in the summer. He's one of the older players but still enjoys it and none of them are exactly world class either.
thanks xxx

[CLKD]

It is however, amazing what women will put up with until the relationship begins to flounder, then these niggles become issues and are often the final straw  :  I've known a couple of women who put up with until situations altered, socks left on the floor every night, added to other niggles, meant that both were glad to see the back of their men when they walked out the door 

[Joyce]

Ahh bless him oldsheep. I remember the last time he bought you something online. They do try.

He must be quite worried himself about the possibilities, hence being ratty.  I'm sure he realises you're worried too. Hope he gets results soon.