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[Ju Ju]

Oh dear, today I had very little patience with my Mum today. Can I let off steam?

She rang in a panic today as in the news they have reported heavy snow in the USA, particularly in Maine, where my son lives. Did I know if he was ok? As it was I had received videos of them in the snow, complete with dog in little booties and coat. As I pointed out, snow is usual in winter in Maine. They are set up for it, snow ploughs, winter tyres, trucks and tractors with snow ploughs attached. They're used to it. Oh, she said, all the cars are buried in snow. Not theirs, I said, they're in the garage. How's he going to get to work as he's a paramedic.? I countered with the fact he is an intelligent man, who won't go anywhere if he can't get out and pointed out my DIL had been told not to go to work as they knew the snow storm was coming. Next, she started fussing about the snow coming here and then she couldn't get out. I replied then she would have to stay inside.

Please don't let me get like that, looking to worry about things that may never happen and if they do can be dealt with. Give me patience. Do other elderly parents get in tizz like this?

[CLKD]

You join in, vent away 

Mum's invented problems with which to feed her paranoia since before I was born 
I think that older people have too much time to worry about 'what if', they see and believe what they read in the papers and see on TV.

Tell her that my friend in Canada had 10 feet of snow over-night which fell onto 20 foot from the previous 2 weeks 

[honeybun]

I have given my kids very strict instructions.....if I get like my mother then shoot me 

Says it all really.


Honeyb
X

[CLKD]

That's what mine said, or 'put  me into a home'    - -   however 

[Dancinggirl]

This annoying habit of getting anxious about the smallest things and creating problems where there are none is something we seem to develop with the menopause.  Look at how many of us suffer dreadfully from anxiety when the menopause hits us. Anxiety about the smallest things creates fear and I find the only way to deal with this is to face it and deal with those silly problems - will I be able to do this in 20 years time? Who knows?!. I am constantly striving to make life simpler and easier to manage now, so in the future I will have less to worry about.  I think it's stubbiness and, for many, an arrogance that make people think that things have to remain the same and they try to keep control when they should actually allow others to help.  Joanna Trollope's latest novel "Balancing Act'  dealt with this very well - a good read actually.
I once read something very profound 'If we want to keep our independence it's about knowing when to ask for help and accepting help when offered'. I was constantly quoting this to my lovely mother-in-law who was fiercely independent and because she wouldn't accept help she had to go into a home. 
Letting go of control and accepting change are difficult. If we don't want to be like our mothers are now we need to start changing now. HRT may help many of us.  DG x

[CLKD]

I would love to down-size.  However, my Mum is giving me stuff each time we go so that we don't have to clear up her house 'eventually'  - so I have boxes to sort through here  .

I would miss our garden dreadfully.  That will be the hardest part to give up ………..

[grumpy2008]

It's not just mother's... my dad's house is full to the brim. And he still buys things from charity shops, stuff he doesn't need. My mum was a hoarder too, but it's got worse without her! As for keeping things for best, dad insists on wearing jumpers that have holes in them, while he has a pile of brand new ones in the wardrobe. And don't get me started on hand towels  . I've learned not to fight it, although thing's have been known to just 'disappear' 

I have a more minimal approach to home decoration, which I think comes from all the 'stuff' that would fall out of cupboards when I was growing up at home - plus I lived out of a suitcase as a student for a long time

[Ju Ju]

I think we often go in a different direction from how we grew up. My mum hoarded stuff and the house is full of ornaments, some lovely, but lost in the clutter. I live in a house without a lot of storage and don't like clutter. I'm good at decluttering. I don't like dusting, so not a lot of ornaments. My daughter lives in a tiny house and is comfortable with clutter, though she has had to declutter to make room for her son! She insists being untidy is a sign of a creative mind! She's an artist. I love the clutter in her home, just glad I don't have to clean it! My son would love to live in a tidy house, but finds it difficult to achieve. He used to be so grateful if I sorted his room out, when he lived at home.

[Dancinggirl]

I think many of our generation are viewing clutter and hoarding as something negative in our lives. Before Christmas I finally got round to having our family 8mm films (that had been put onto VHS) transferred onto DVD. I sat my mother down with my laptop to watch all that lovely film of our childhood and she had a really happy couple of hours.  I now have CDs to give my kids to keep but they are small and practical instead of a big box of film that cannot be seen unless you have one of those old fashioned projectors. I'm actually going to see if they can't be stored on a 'cloud' for future reference as this would be even easier.
One project I'd really like to do is put all my photo albums onto DVD or memory stick or cloud. I have inherited so many albums and the photos are deteriorating and will doubtless be thrown away if my kids can't kept them.  I think there are some really good ways to downsize without compromising too much.
I have found it really freeing to reduce and organise things - my husband and I redid our wills, looked at our financial situation, made plans for our bodies when we die and we are constantly sending stuff to charity shops, ebay or the tip. Less is definitely more.  My mother keeps pointing to things in her house and saying she wants us to keep and appreciate them - I know they will be sold or thrown away so I simply nod and smile to try to reassure her. That generation went through the war and one never threw anything away - it's a different mentality now.
I have a  lovely home and a good size garden and I love it here but we are realistic and know that one day we should downsize not just to a more practical home for our needs but also to free up finances to help our kids on the property ladder and prevent the government getting their hands on our hard earned assets when we need care or die.
JuJu - I don't buy the theory that creativity needs clutter - I need things to be sorted to free up my mind for creativity.
CKLD - I would really miss a garden but eventually a small patio with pots would suffice.
I am learning to 'let go' and I'm finding it really good for my health and wellbeing.
DG xxx

[CLKD]

It does clear the head, mine aches thinking about it all 
I have photos.  Postcards.  All require sorting …… social history if nothing else!

Don't get me started on the old towels ….. a few weeks ago I put some of Mum's grubby ones into the washing basket and she moped around her house muttering 'has anyone seen my best towel' …… then flew off the handle when she was told it was grubby  . accusing me of saying that she lives in a dirty house.   As for the bath mats, last year they weren't washed between C.mas 2013 until November! I suppose she looks at them and says 'it'll do another day' …… 
His mother was the same, we found piles of new towels when we cleared out but in the bathroom they were thin and had holes in some  .  My Mother's cutting remark is "I only get out the best for when special people visit".  Narcassism can be cruel 

[Ju Ju]

DG. That was DD's excuse for clutter! Not mine! I think I'm still creative in my less cluttered environment. I have more room to think! 

[honeybun]

I would say I have a relatively clutter free house but my daughter would disagree 
I do like my things, and have a few small collections and bits and bobs that have been acquired throughout thirty years of marriage.

I do like organisation though and if things get untidy I get stressed. It's just got to be tidy.


Honeyb
X

[Rowan]

I hate clutter it makes me anxious, but OH is different and does not like to throw anything away, I have become clever in throwing things away without him knowing.

Having said that I do feel its getting the better of me sometimes.

OH has just bought  "personal cloud" holding 3 terabytes so I am in the process sorting out what we want stored on it and then the disposing of CDs and DVDs. I have my books and audio books stored on the amazon cloud so have only a  few favourite hard books. In the spring I will have another clear out of my clothes to take to British Heart Foundation.

Well that's my clutter tackled but I give up with OH's stuff.

[grumpy2008]

Mum always said 'they don't put pockets in shrouds' yet she still filled the house with 'stuff'. She was a very generous person though... would give anything to anyone.

I tend to declutter by giving to charity. In fact, I can feel another declutter coming on! the things that really matter to me are the photos, the family trinkets/jewellery that have been passed down the generations, and my family history research... I have a shelf of folders, full of information collected over the past 20 years. I'm in the process of scanning everything. Which satisfies my OCD tendencies!

CLKD, glad it's not only my dad who hangs on to the oldest towels, the ones with holes in 

[CLKD]

It's the fact that they won't throw anything, Mum won't even use old ones for floor cloths …….  .  However I would never throw stuff that belongs to DH - I would feel violated if he threw any of mine items.