Hi and Welcome Suzyq
You are certainly not alone - especially here on this site. 'Going the natural way' is only for those lucky women who suffer few if any symptoms OR the very unlucky women who can't take HRT for other health reasons. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY OR A FAILURE. I believe we owe it to ourselves and our family to be at our best and for many of us our 40s,50s & 60s can be the busiest and most stressful time of our lives.
I used Oestrogel through peri and post meno and found it great because you can start with one pump per day and then increase to as much as 4 pumps per day if need be until you find the right amount to keep your symptoms at bay - I never needed more than 2 pumps per day. If I were you I'd start with the one pump per day for at least a month and then increase a little after that if you feel you need it - you may find one pump works well.
Getting those scary flushes under control is important - the oestrogen should start to kick in within a week or two, it can take a bit of time for the oestrogen level to build up.
Don't think about the risks - they are very small in comparison to the benefits.
I had time out from HRT for 3 years after the scares back in 2002 - really not a pleasant time. Eventually went back on HRT for a few years and now at 57 I'm taking another break to see how things are.
Keep us posted about you progress.
Kathleen - on this site, I think we tend to be a little harsh towards those who choose not to use HRT - it is a very personal choice. We are all so different and our experiences vary greatly. Sadly, to many of us have been the victim of gloating women briskly pronouncing that they "don't know what the fuss is about" - they are the lucky ones who sail through with few problems.
As I mention above, I am taking a break from HRT at the moment (though I am using Vagifem for Vaginal Atrophy) and I am not particularly keen to go back on - it will depend on how I feel. Like you, I am 57 but I have been post meno since my mid 40s and my experience of being without HRT was dreadful last time. I am now 2 months without full HRT (I reduced the dosage slowly over 6 weeks) and so far the flushes haven't been toooo bad - however my hips are aching dreadfully !!!!
You comment that you expect the symptoms to have subsided after 3years but I'm afraid it can take much longer - everyone is different. You say you tried HRT but it didn't work - what did you try? If I go back on HRT I'm going to try Utrogestan with patch or gel to get the long term benefits. DG x