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[mags]

Hi Bev- love the new photo and aren't I cute! as well as all the other pups of course   Hoping you have had a good day- Love Magsxx

[bev567901]

Hi Mags, Hope you have had a good day too. I have been a bit more anxious today. Need to check my journal re hormone timing. I was doing fine but came to do my little boys homework which was making animal biscuits & just felt a bit overwhelmed. Luckily the mix had to rest in the fridge so I had a nip of brandy & 30 mins later it was back to it & we made a good job of it. I have no idea why it manifests like this as I could probably have dealt with 30 kids all doing this at once back in the Spring. It makes me feel really inadequate as it is just not me at all. Its almost like the feeling you would have being trapped in a lift & having a panic attack, no idea why biscuits would be such an ordeal. 
One thing I have learnt though the last few months is that my husband has always suffered from low moods & he has very little patience. He has always been like this since he can remember. I used to get cross with him for shouting at the kids & just sitting there for a whole weekend not engaging with anyone. When he is nice he is very nice but once you have children it makes it harder. I am not a shouter but I can empathise with him a bit more now re needing time to myself. He used to ask me how I coped with the noise etc & I used to say what noise. I can almost forgive him now for ruining so many things & never knowing who was coming home & always being the one who got things done.
Sorry to moan......Here's to a good week for everyone. I so need some sleep I am up every half hr with mum & pups. Mum asked to go out 7x last night! Its easier though now its cold when I did this in the Summer I could hear little mouse/rat? scampering noises in the hedges & couldn't see in the dark.  We have a stream at the bottom of the garden so it is probably rats, my little boy wants a cat but it might bring them in as presents  xx

[mags]

Hi Bev-sorry to hear you have been feeling anxious- you moan as much as you like-  it's  good to get it off your chest .  Do you think the lack of sleep may be contributing to the anxiety?    I think that having to make animal biscuits would be enough to stress anybody out- especially when you are already feeling tired.  I know only too well the trapped in the lift feeling- I get it along with  feelings of dread and utter despair- some days it scares me so much that I can't get out of bed- I also get the same feeling before a hot flush- it is overwhelming and  terrifying.  I have been feeling much like that today, despite my better day yest   I also get this weird stomach feeling just before I fall asleep at night, that feels like  being on the top of a rollercoaster just as it starts to drop down-when  your
stomach flips over-  it must all be linked to adrenaline I think, as with the panic feeling on waking . My hubby used to get very grumpy when the children were small and keeping us up all night- he was working very long days in  Manchester and as we are in Preston it was quite a journey, so he used to come home exhausted- also his job was very stressful which wasn't good.   I can picture him now walking through the front door from work when James my eldest son was a tiny baby- and he was shouting at him for crying so loudly-I was really upset at the time.  But as you say we can empathise now.     We used to have a cat who constantly left us little  offerings under the kitchen table- and sometimes she would bring mice upstairs alive at  night when we were in bed and you can imagine the fun we had trying to catch them whilst the cat was locked in the kitchen downstairs going  demented 
Hoping you get a better night and catch up on your sleep- Love Magsxx

[bev567901]

Hi Mags I have heard a lot of the ladies here describe a funny feeling just before they go to sleep at night & then having a hot flush on top of it as well. Its clearly something physical related to hormones as too many people have mentioned it now. I think if we could just have the reason something happens it would help us understand it & say ok this is happening now because of .....  I can accept stuff if I know why.  Its like all the gastro stuff with the sertraline, once I realised why it happens it made sense.
Fancy you being in Preston. I am from Knutsford but moved to near Nantwich in my mid 30's. Last time I went to Preston was exactly a year ago as my eldest daughter asked me to accompany her on a pup buying trip (she has two dachshunds now!)  Manchester was obviously the place of choice for nights out when I was younger but I know it has changed so so much in the last 10 years or so. You are just up the M6 no distance at all, how funny. You must have the same weather its frosty but blue sky here.  I bought the most wonderfully warm coat last year & its not been out of the wardrobe yet this winter, I'm like the Queen Bee cosy in my nest with the workers bringing me food. I think its time to fly away now!!! xx

[mags]

Hi Bev- well you won't believe this but have just been to get my hair cut! I decided to get dressed this morning then decided to go for it! I needed diazepams beforehand however, but was ok. I decided to go for a shorter layered bob instead of my usual one length one.  I still look ghastly though after losing so much weight- even the hairdresser said she could see  I wasn't my usual self
We aren't all that far away from each other are we- just up the m6 as you say.  I have been to Cheshire several times and really like it- Nantwich and Knutsford are both lovely-  I think Tatton Park is In Cheshire too-we used to take the children there a lot when they were little- the boys especially loved playing football there.
We live on the outskirts of Preston, in Fulwood- it is quite rural  and across the way from our house is a little country lane with woods and fields- the children used to love playing there-making dens etc and again the boys played football there with their friends.  The cat who used to bring us little offerings used to be in her seventh heaven with all the mice and birds available from there!   Thankfully the cat we have now doesn't seem interested in hunting- she used to lie in the garden in summer  and watch the doves which always nest in the conifer tree fly almost right  next to her- but never even noticed them   or any other birds for that matter- she  is very strange in that she isn't interested in meat either- all  she will eat is dry catfood!   The other cat used to go berserk if ever I was in the kitchen cooking meat- and she would growl until I gave her some.
This hormone thing is so weird isn't it- are you still having gastro probs with the sertraline?  I still don't feel like eating much.
Hoping you will be able to use your lovely winter coat soon- I'm sure you'll be flying away soon-LoveMagsxxl

[Dyan]

Bev- for the lovely pic of the puppies-aaaaaahhhhh!

Mags- well done on getting out and having your hair cut.
Doesn't it always make you feel 10 x worse when someone tells you you're not yourself?

[mags]

Hi  Dyan and thanks-  it does make you feel much worse I agree when someone tells you that!   Hoping you still feel better-Lots of Love Magsxx

[Dyan]

Yes I feel better mags,thank you,but still vulnerable.
I feel sort of on edge but not if you see what I mean

[bev567901]

Mags you are so on the up, I bet you feel amazing with a new hair cut. I cannot believe you did it. The Queen Bee has flown for sure today up your way! Don't worry about what the hairdresser said she probably only said it after you told her you had not been yourself & was just making small talk. I am sure you look wonderful.

Tatton Park is in Knutsford,  it is a lovely place.   I adore Chatsworth though in Derbyshire it is where I feel at one with the world How strange to be so close though. They say it is a small world & it is!

Does your cat come & sit on the bed with you & give you a bit of company? I miss our cat. If we do get a kitten I will introduce it to the pups & let it become one of them first after they are weaned. That way it will be accepted by the other older dogs I hope. I'm just frightened Old Timmy might chase it I think the others will be fine. It will have to come from somewhere 5* though as I can't have it passing on any nasties to the pups. Ho Hum we shall see need to get better first really.

What is on the doing list for tomorrow then?
Glass of wine or gin & tonic before supper tonight I think to get your tastebuds going. I just served chicken kiev & my daughter said what is this green stuff in the fish

[bev567901]

Dyan do you feel like you did when you where on the downward spiral but not quite in the hole yet. Maybe you are just climbing back up which is why you are not 100% but still ok. You are going to work though that is a huge thing so you are a star. You do an amazing job, its really full on so    xxxx

[mags]

Hi Bev- I wouldn't say I feel amazing but glad I managed to do it- felt very tired this aft  though and my mood went down a lot, but never mind.  I go back to see the GP next week so it will be interesting to see what he thinks . 
Yes Tilly the cat does come on the bed quite a lot and seems to sense when I am not well- she is far more timid around strangers than our other cat used to be, but fine with us- she won't sit on my knee though only hubby's for some reason.

How  are the pups doing- especially DSB!  Hope mummy isn't keeping you up all night.
I had to laugh about the  chicken kiev- my children would have said exactly the same at that age- my son who is 25, still won't have anything with bits in-especially orange juice and yoghourts- his girlfriend however won't stand any nonsense and he has to get what he is given    
My little grandson is the total opposite and will eat anything and everything- in fact his first word was yum-yum!
Just about to have a glass of wine and then watch Coronation Street- Love Magsxx

[bev567901]

I think your GP will be really pleased with you & will notice a big difference. I think sertraline does take a while to get in your system & be level so we will have ups & downs. Plus the hormonal ups & downs too.

I had to laugh I started typing this before & the kids came in the room & wanted to know what I was doing. My daughter must have already had a part explanation previously as she said to her brother 'it's where people with poorly tummy's go to talk about knitting & going to the toilet'.  Kids eh!

DSB is now 255g & I wasn't awoken until 5am which was amazing. Do you sleep ok? It was the one thing that really affected me being awake all night in September. My Mum has never slept properly since her menopause.

Well here's to another good day for you tomorrow after a bit of a rest. See what tomorrow brings & your hair will still be nice too! x

[mags]

I think your daughter's explanation of the forum  is hilarious and not  too far
 from the truth     I do sleep ok strangely-since starting the sertraline-but despite that still wake early with the panicky feelings.  Previous to that I slept very badly and used to wake a lot in the night  I am glad DSB is doing so well and hope  all the other pups  are too- also hope you get another restful night and have a good day tomorrow-Love Magsxx

[bev567901]

Some people seem to sleep better or worse on sertraline, seems to go either way. I find that once I get up & get on the waking anxiety goes away.
I don't very often weigh myself, I have spent my whole life trying to be bigger as I hated being skinny when younger but no matter what I ate it made no difference. I weighed last night half a stone more. Very confused? Is it the meno or the sertraline? I am on the go all day, maybe not doing the school runs & shopping makes a difference. I am quite glad really but just confused as I normally have the opposite problem.  Gosh by the time I fly the nest my hair will be so long & I will be huge ha ha. At least when I have my bloods taken tomorrow & the nurse has trouble getting it which has happened forever & she says have you lost weight (yawn!) I can say NO I haven't actually I am the same weight I always am, plus half a stone!!  Yay  xx

[mags]

Hi Bev- I always find that meds that are not meant to make you sleepy always have the opposite effect on me- I sometimes take non drowsy sinutabs and they just knock me out, also when I was on mirtazapine which  is mainly for sleep and depression, I only got the knock out effect for a few nights  then
was back to my usual  state of waking  frequently.   The weight gain could be meno  as that was my one of my first symptoms- pre children I was always  around nine stone  and after  the  two eldest I went down to 8  and a half- due to breastfeeding probably-  then after having the two youngest I went up to ten , but when meno started I suddenly started putting weight on without trying- all around my middle-  a herbalist once told me that we store oestrogen around there
 in meno  there and  she thought it wasn't a bad thing to put a bit of weight on .  I too have huge trouble having blood taken-I always have to warn  the nurse about it-I usually end up like a pin cushion because they have to  try so many different places. ) Good luck with the nurse tomorrow and well done for putting some weight on   :)xx