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[mags]

Hi Bev-didn't realize your dogs were your work- it must be very demanding when you are able to do it-I am not a dog lover as I was badly bitten by a dog as a child and the fear always stayed with me- we have a cat who we got last year after the previous one died-she was 22 and we'd had her since she was a kitten- so it was very upsetting as she was part of the family-when the children were at primary school she used to follow us on the school run when we walked and waited by the gate at the end of the Lane rather than walk all the way to the school and waited there for me in the mornings  and walked home with me and did the same in the afternoons-she was more like a dog than a cat in that respect- the funniest thing she ever did was to play on the slide we used to have in the garden- she would literally climb the steps and whizz down on her front and jump off the end! we used to be in hysterics!  I know what you mean about having to accept things-hard as it is- it seems like a lifetime ago to me since I last felt normal. Hope your little ones sleep-I remember it well, Lucy my youngest didn't sleep through the night until she was four- no wonder I have all this anxiety! we always said that had she been the first we wouldn't have had any more as she was so demanding- she has grown into a lovely young woman now and is wonderful-as all my other children are. Love Mxx

[bev567901]

How are you getting along with your Sertraline Mags?  xx

[mags]

Hi  Bev- thanks for asking- am feeling really bad today-terribly anxious and low- have done nothing but stay in bed as I don't want to go downstairs- still no appetite and no interest in anything- feel as though I can't stand it- have got CBT on Friday but don't know how I will manage to get dressed to go.I did get to the drs on Friday  and yest managed a little drive with hubby- so I know I should  be more positive- sorry to sound so negative- how are you getting on- still improving hopefully-Love Magsx

[CLKD]

There are times when we are unable to be positive.  So stop beating yourself up about your current state.  Not easy I know.  Take half an hour at a time.  If you were suffering with 'flu you would be in bed, not a lot of choice then!  Be kinder to yourself.  Anxiety and depression are illnesses which can creep up on us.

Make sure that you have 'nibbles' by the bed so that you don't begin to feel worse.  Also keep hydrated.  This will pass although it sometimes feels like it won't  .  Low blood sugar can make anxiety worse.  Bananas; dried fruits and nuts; Rich T biscuits ........ it may take a few weeks for you to regocnise the benefits of the medication, you will suddenly think "Oh I feel better today" - little steps 

[Dyan]

  for you mags
Thinking of you.
Hang on in there.

[bev567901]

Oh I am sorry you are still like this but I can relate first 2 weeks I felt exactly the same bed bound etc. In fact bed is still a safer place than downstairs still.  I haven't got properly dressed since this time last week, what is the point when I am not going anywhere. I have to say though I felt nice in clothes last Tuesday. I used to put my pj's on straight after the school run anyway as I was always bleaching my clothes plus doing doggy stuff.  I would really push youself to go to CBT, take as much diazepam as you need to get you there. The day after my first appt was the day I started a journal & started small tasks, it seemed to help even though the appt was excrutiating itself & very hard. I turned a corner even though I still felt dreadful physically.  Has your doctor upped your diazepam as it is normal to take a highish dose on 100mg of sertraline, it is the norm. Don't worry about addiction as soon as your AD kicks in you won't need it so much, its only a temporary couple of weeks thing. You will feel better very soon just keep telling yourself that. And do eat as much as you can rich tea & water on the bedside cabinet for those times when you must be hungry but cannot eat. Tomorrow is another day & you might have just a chink of life return. Don't feel guilty for anything treat it as if you have a broken leg, there is nothing more important than getting better everything else can wait Bev xxxx

[mags]

Thanks to you all for your very kind posts-I actually managed to get downstairs about an hour ago and made cup of tea for hubby and me-still not dressed though. I know  I need to be more positive but am a natural pessimist and worrier-I will try just taking it  half an hour at a time and will do my best to get to my CBT appt on Friday- I must sound like such a wimp! when I think of all the  sheer agony  I went  through giving birth to my children- one of them a nine pounder and coped with being very poorly with pneumonia before  my son was born-I think, I coped with that so why can't I deal with this- but I suppose it is a different sort of pain.  Bev-when you said you were bed bound for two weeks, was that on the higher dose?  The Doc told me to take two 5mgs  of the diazepams but I do find that they don't always work    Thanks to you all for your wonderful support- it means a lot    Love MAGSX

[bev567901]

It was before the higher dose of sertraline when I was in bed 100%, I planned how I could do all sorts of terrible things the first week I didn't see the point in anything.  I still gravitate to my bed at times of stress. Sod getting dressed pj's are much easier to launder.  I just looked in my journal & I had some really down days when I increased my dose & took much more diazepam than I should have done. It really does take time to kick in that is why so many people give up but you just made a cup of tea so baby steps.
Don't compare this to other hard times, I had a placental abruption & late stillbirth in 2002 & I have no idea how I made it but times where different then we are changed people & we will change again. We will be better for this experience eventually & will get through it.  And well done on a nine pounder!!!! I am a rubbish pregnant woman I just get bags of sugar. Take my hat of to you for that one & I bet you went full term too. Just do what feels right for you not what you think you should be doing. Bev x  

[mags]

Thanks for that Bev- I know comparing to other hard times isn't helpful- so sorry to hear that you had all those  traumatic things happen to you with your pregnancies-you must be a very strong person- on a lighter note my nine pounder son came two weeks late and I was so huge that I could barely walk! I always remind him of that and the fact that  he cost me 38 stitches!  You are right that we were different people then.  I have had some very dark thoughts really and  feel things are pointless-do you still have the anxiety and did you have it before starting the sertraline? sorry for all the questions-Love Magsx

[bev567901]

Wow 42 weeks I have to take my hat off to you, months more than I had to endure. I hope he wasn't a Summer baby. I am sure he will really appreciate you all the more when he has his own children & can relate.
I would say I have had anxiety in the past sometime in the 1990's but it was more circumstantial. I am a worrier but have coped with so much & the past few years have been amazing. I do get anxious when I get nausea its a phobia. I am a happy person though & see the positive in all things. Prior to this year I was here, there & everywhere. My husband works long hours so I was off with the kids on long day trips, I even did a week in a cottage 4 hrs drive away all by myself. Started seeing my business take off after years of hard work & planning. Nothing whatever was worrying me I was working very hard probably too hard but its something I enjoy & I am good at. I felt invincible & totally in control. I would say my anxiety started to get really bad in June & I started the sertraline on 21 sept so yes by the time I started I had hit rock bottom literally. Its totally different to how I felt in the 90's, this is much more dark or was more dark should I say. I literally felt like my life was over & what was the point. Everything that interested/pleased me/loved me was just nothing anymore. I am such a hands on mum probably over the top but that first week on sertraline my husband was at work & my daughters tooth came out. I was lying in bed stagnating in the day, she didn't even tell me so I felt really bad when she showed me proudly as it had been wobbly for ages. No fairy wrote a letter that night as usual, in fact nothing was under her pillow as I asked my husband to put a coin under & he forgot. I lost me completely no idea where I went. 

[mags]

Yes he was a summer baby- and  it was a very hot and humid one- I can remember my friend coming to see me, wearing shorts and I was so jealous as I was wearing my maternity tents and felt like a landed whale!  I too get very anxious about the nausea as when my meno  started I felt very sick and thought it was a virus at first but  soon realized that the anxiety was causing it, so now I associate the two.  I always used to be very capable and when my two youngest were born (there are two years between them) I had the two older ones to get to school every day and always managed it and they were always  well turned out and had clean clothes every day- my hubby was working in Manchester at the time- a long way from where we live so he wasn't able to help with the school run.  My mum died when Lucy my youngest was a baby and  I coped with that despite being very obviously devastated. Since meno though  everything has changed and as I have said before the pattern has changed from being on and off spells of anxiety and depression to being constant this last year- the feeling of everything being pointless is so horrible and like no depression I have ever had before.  Don't feel bad about missing your daughter's tooth coming out- you were very ill at the time and  it wasn't your  fault-there will be plenty more tooth fairy opportunities. I feel very stagnated right now and live in terror of the anxiety-especially on waking-Ijust want to sleep my way through it but am so scared   becase it is never peaceful sleep. After all these years of meno I should be used to it- but it still floors me. My  symptoms also came on suddenly after  being ok- Love MX

[bev567901]

I wonder if mild anxiety every monthly cycle that can be forgotten because it might only be for a day or 2 has been replaced with raging anxiety due to meno hormonal changes & then the fear of anxiety. Some people don't seem to get it so maybe if you suffer every month through your adult life you suffer badly in meno?  Its just comforting to know there are many other people out there feeling the same. My sister thinks I am a big wimp she's 5 yrs older & had it late 40's no problem.
One thing I have never forgotten is that many years ago I worked for a big company & things started going badly for them. We where actively encouraged to take our holidays at short notice rather than have nothing to do all day. We could even ring in on the day & say we weren't coming in. We where doing up an old house at the time & it suited me as we had no holiday plans that year.  At the end of the year I looked at my holiday sheet when it was printed off & apart from one week that must have been planned as a rest I was shocked to see I had taken 1-2 days off every 28 days which is how my cycle has always been up to now.
I still haven't got to the bottom of all this, there are too many questions unanswered. I wish I had booked a private appt with a consultant, I found one nearby at the beginning of Sept but felt too ill to go & now I am worried about lack of money.
I am confident the sertraline will help though, I think as soon as it does you will take back control & with the CBT & finding out more ways of coping you will slowly get better. I bet other people will notice before you do. You will have to teach me your CBT lessons as I only had 3 sessions with these people who deal with people in a real mess & now I am on a waiting list for normal CBT. I only had one session which was my first that got me some CBT advice the other two where just checking on me & reviewing meds. No pressure for Friday now xx

[mags]

Hi Bev- the strange thing is that when I was younger  I used to get pmt, but it was more feeling irritable and sometimes tearful rather than feeling anxious- I did however have PND after two of my c
children and felt very anxious and panicky with it so wonder if there is any connection . Regarding the cbt-I am rather nervous because I had some last year with someone who was attached to the GP'S surgery- it was a total disaster because she had a no nonsense approach and  I found her very unsympathetic-she used to say things like-you MUST get out of bed and keep occupied etc and would tell me off if I tried to explain that I couldn't do it-that may work for some people but not me- I used to sit there sobbing but she would never even ask if I was ok. I think I just told myself that it wasn't going to help so gave up.  This new CBT is with the NHS primary health care team so am hoping to gat someone who will be more understanding. Talking of the  money thing- I spent  a fortune last year on acupuncture which did nothing and several years ago saw a medical herbalist which also cost a fortune and did nothing for the symptoms- I think that these things  sometimes aren't strong enough for hormonal stuff.  My sister  doesn't really understand- she was telling me the other day that  I should force myself to do things and staying in bed won't help- she reckons I need tough love   you can imagine how much better that made me feel-not!) She is ten years older than me and quite bossy and always knows better than the experts! She never had a menopause because she had a hyst In he late forties and was fine  it. Sounds as if your sister  is much the same.  Hoping you are still improving and thanks for all your wonderful support-Love Magsxx

[Dyan]

Mags-

[mags]

Thanks Dyan- :hug:to you too and hope you are still feeling betterxx