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[walking the dog]

I have read these posts with interest.
In the late 80's I trained to be a psychiatric nurse I saw some terrible cases of people dosed up on tablets unable to function and it did impact on my attitude towards anti depressants (of course they werent all on anti depressants) I left the course after 2 years and didnt complete my training it was just not for me and i have never regretted that decision as i made many friends who i still am close to today and met my husband through one of them.

Back to the point, when the peri meno hit me like a ton of bricks a year ago i was convinced i was loosing my mind and myself with it, my gp was keen for me to try AD's but i refused after weeks of sitting in the house in the dark crying all day she practically begged me to take them, she said she had patients in the surgery who asked for Ad's and didnt need them but i obviously did, I told her about my experience as a trainee nurse and she did understand where i was coming from and discussed with me how medications had progressed over the years.

I think, as i assume most of us are, that people in their fortoes and older still hold a massive stigma towards taking tablets for depression, i was brought up to beleive you were weak or incapable if you had to take medication for mental health. It is a hard barrier to overcome.

All i can say is if i had not took my gp's advice and took the Ad's which i have now been on for a year i don not know if i would still be sitting here crying in the dark. I intend with my gp's support to stay on them right through the menopause,they have saved my life and my sanity.

I would say to anyone forget the stigma things have moved on massively and they eally can make a difference to your life. They dont suit everyone but unless you try you wont know. xxx

[Suzi Q]

I did phyc as an sen in UK befiore coming to ozz and continuing with my studies
You can either do Phyc nursing or you cant its lioke Geriactic which I also did
Ive known SISTERS fist day go for their lunch break and not come back couldnt cope
Ive worked with drug addicts Helped PFLAG (parents lesbians and gays) with HIV we have a family member with HIV
MY mother was an addict to precriprion drugs at 12 Dad took us to our family farm me with a 6 year old brother
He left me to look after MUM going cold turkey getting oFF Drinamyl ( Purple Hearts) 
At  11 shed send me to the council easte to buy them for 2/6 each as shed used up her script
The list was endless for over 25 years Triptinol Lithium Tuanol Mandrax Mododon Valium Serapax
So when I went to bits no BLOODY way was I going to take anything after 2 weeks I realised I couldnt cope
I saw in me the people Id nursed I loved my job  working with the mentaly wounded druggies and alcys and I was good
I understood how they felt how theyd got there To me it didnt matter how long it took I just wanted to be well

I now take my BLUE PI: Lexotan 2 a day and like CLKD have my INderal beta blocas for when I get the abso terrors
In fact been taling 40mg a day for just over 2 weeks todays the first day I woke not feeling terrified to death xxx
Sorry spel worse cant find glasses xxxxxxx

[CLKD]

SuziQ - glad that at last your brain is calming down and you didn't have the high anxiety !  Little steps.

Also; in the 1940s onwards, well into the 1980s, people were not prescribed anti-depressant medication but things like Ativan and Valium - totally different medications!  It can also depend on what other meds. they are taking ......... I've been in the zombie state and it wasn't pleasant ........

[Suzi Q]

Nothing today either so no beta just my blue pill xxxxxxxx

[CLKD]

PHEW!

[walking the dog]

I was not very clear in my post.

I was trying to say that things have moved on enormously in recent years in the treatment and attitude of mental health problems.

Anti depressants are not for everyone, but in some cases, they can be amazing and turn lives around. xx

[paisley]

I feel the same so low. I had a full hysterectomy 2 years ago and still trying to find hormonal balance. My last blood tests were oestrogen 78 pmol so I think my hrt that I am taking now is not doing much good. I so want to feel good but scared of starting an AD. I think it comes from the fact that I had PND 19 years ago and tried about 10 different ones and none of them worked so fearful it will be the case this time. Am I just being silly and perhaps  it will work this time. I have citrapam(can't spell it) in cupboard but too scared to take it cos of all the side effects i might have  but on other hand feeling depressed as well. Can't go on suffering like this, it spoils everything I try and do. Wish I had the courage to just go for it, I might be missing out on feeling good.

[CLKD]

No one is 'silly' in avoiding medication which can have side-effects.     but you need to consider if you are missing out on a bit more 'life' than you are currently experiencing.  In my experience - since 1999 - there are far better meds on the market now than then; it took several months before I found one which kind of suits, it isn't perfect - I get a fuzzy head occasionally - but at least DH and I have a Life together again.  Add to that the Beta-blocka  .......... Paisley - maybe begin taking Citalapram? the Friday night prior to a week's holiday?  In fact, if you are working - and menobrain can't remember  - book 2 weeks from work if possible.  Then you can start the mdication knowing that you only have yourself to 'suit' 

[Lucky Stone]

I haven't gone down the AD route so far but if I needed them I would speak to my GP without any hesitation. We only get one life and it's too short not to do anything we can to feel functional. Having recently had some "therapy" one thing that has helped me is to accept that it is impossible to be "happy" all the time. I think that the modern world tries to sell us this myth, hence loads of us end up buying things we don't need and coveting others, all in a bid to be "happy" because of course, everyone else we meet out on the street is "happy". Aren't they? The poet Philip Larkin famously said, "to be truly happy, I would need to be someone else." I think that is true of lots of us. I live in one of the most beautiful areas of the UK - stunning - and have beaten myself up for years for not being blissfully happy having relocated, but now I've stopped. I am content most of the time, have "flashes of happiness" every now and again and sometimes I am miserable. I'm not saying that clinical depression isn't something else - that would be stupid (and there is no stigma in mental illness or shouldn't be, it's no different from heart disease or cancer) - but just that I believe some people feel worse than they may otherwise when looking around at at the other "happy folk" out there.

[Trey]

Lucky Stone your post really helped me.  I'm really struggling and I think you are right--I'm assuming everyone else is living a more stable life.  I know what clinical depression is and this isn't it.  It is just sadness and now reading your post, I realize that I'm comparing my life to others.  I give myself a pep talk every morning and listen to a CD about living in the now, but your post hit a chord.  And I know my life is far, far better than most.....shame on me.  Also had two hot flashes/anxiety last week and that shook me up until I figured out what was happening.

[Lucky Stone]

No, not shame on you Trey, just hey, it's where you are at the moment. And I am pleased that my reflections have helped a small bit  - hang in there. Hot flushes bring on the old anxiety with me as well, so I know where you are coming from. Be kind to yourself and just do the best you can every day. It's all we can ever do.

[purplenanny]

Thank you from me too LuckyStone - I have been very down today and feeling very sorry for myself. I look at other people and think why can't I be happy like them. The sun is shining and I am sad not to be enjoying it - but it is only my negativity stopping me. Hubby has gone back on low dose meds today and I felt so dissapointed and I am ashamed to say 'trapped'. It is a long struggle but I should be grateful he is with me and not keep wishing for more. You are so right in what you say.

Trey - keep your chin up (as they say in UK) you have been through such a lot and been admired by many of us ladies for all you coped with. Be kind to yourself, don't beat yourself up. As I was told today, live in the moment - not the past, or the future - just the moment you are in and enjoy what is around you. Sending love and hugs your way. PN x x