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[CLKD]

Not personally. 

[Taz2]

Sorry - I thought as you mentioned your obsessive side you meant in relation to bi-polar.

Taz 

[CLKD]

No the obsession is a completely different issue.  It took years to recognise it in myself.  Now I try to channel my energies  .  The depression is, in the main, controlled/contained by medication.  The anxiety is variable 

[Suzi Q]

Im just depresive after years of recog no drugs just a diazapam every day
IM so lucky sons clinically depressed but he takes AD and hes abso fine 100000% then he will have a week of lows
But its not by Polar nor me but MUM was and its bad scarey and so disabling so sorry ladies xxxxxxxxxx

[CLKD]

Also stress may well be a factor in the original post, maybe the need to hide away when it all gets too much is common to many of us 

[lesley998]

Thanks again ladies.

I had an interesting chat this morning with my fathers community elderly psychiatric nurse (he has alzheimers) and although she obviously could not giver me specific advice for my sister, she did give me a couple of contact help numbers in the area where my sister is. I also called one of my sisters friends on Saturday morning and she has not seen my sister since Christmas, sporadic text contact etc.  She has tried to go round a couple of times but sister will not come to the the door. We had a good long chat and Alison (the friend) has told me she will try harder to make contact and will keep an eye on things.  She also wrote a lovely note for my nephew telling him she was just around the corner and available for a coffee/hug/shoulder/ whenever he needed.

My sister had a terribly hard time coming to terms with her husbands illness, and the impact on their lives.  He was diagnosed very young and has been severely disabled for years.  It all began really when I noticed she was very detached from her son when he was born, I thought she had post natal depression.  She withdrew quite a lot when her son was young, then as a family, we began to notice a distinct cycle of mania and depression about six years ago.  She just never seems to have any 'normal' periods.   Two cycles, in her case it definitely is 'bi polar'.  She is either on top of the world, (completely hyper, super motivated..she is booking holidays, buying cars, never off the phone, talking non stop, hysterical laughter etc) or she is the complete opposite,  where she retreats, withdraws and does not answer the door or phone.  She will not talk about it when she is manic, as she brushes it off and refuses to admit a problem exists.  I once got her to talk to me when she was in her low cycle, and she told me she just feels completely dead, empty, joyless.  My nephew says she spends hours lying on her side in bed, staring into space, no music on, no TV etc. She functions, in that she eats and drinks but she hardly speaks to anyone and does not put on make up, or shower or go out.  She has not been to work for two weeks this time.     

I know she has been on anti depressants, but as far as I know has never been diagnosed with manic depression.  Whenever I gently tried to bring the subject up she flatly refused to consider it, saying she never wanted to be diagnosed bi polar as lithium is the treatment drug and she did not want that.  She has never gone to the GP during a manic epsiode, so they cannot see the other side of the 'low'. We as a family have seen it and it does not take a genius to work out what is wrong with her.   I just don't know when is the time to say enough is enough - you need help whether you admit it, or want it or not.  Perhaps she should be hospitalised....I just don't know. 

 

[CLKD]

People with bi-polar can be manipulative too.  So try not to get drawn into her situation because she is a relative. What would you do if it were a neighbour? 

Mental illness has and will always carry a stigma.  Lithium is used for manic depression after all other drug routes have been tried.  It is a drug which needs regular blood tests to make sure that the body is taking up a maintenance dose. 

A chat with her GP will give you the knowledge that the Surgery are aware of her total condition.  They may be already aware but not be able to mvoe forwards, if she is not seen as a danger to herself or others then Sectioning is not usually considered.  Also you could contact a psychiatric community nurse in your area for advice?

have a <HUG>

[lesley998]

Thanks CKLD...I needed that hug...sort of feels like I have a lot on my plate at the moment   

Just phoned the Bipolar number I was given by the psyche nurse.  They basically told me that unless my sister is regarded as a danger to herself or anyone there is really very little I can do.

 (How do you quantify that...what exactly is a 'danger?'  She has already told me she has contemplated killing herself in the past.      )

The advice was that my nephew phone or visit his own GP and explain the situation and how worried and helpless he feels.  He can explain that she is severely depressed and also fill them in on the manic episodes (which of course, the GP has never seen) and perhaps we can get on track for a proper psyche referral, and a diagnosis and the correct mood stabiliser.   

In the meantime been advised to support as much as I can by visiting, texting or calling  - been advised not to nag or cajole into getting help as this can make her withdraw further from me.   If she gets a home visit from the GP she might be more inclined to accept help.   If she comes out of this episode I should try to broach the subject when she is 'well' again, by writing a diary of my worries about her and her son to show her. 

[CLKD]

Thanks for the up-date.  She has told you that she wants to kill herself in the past but we are dealing with the 'now'.  A very difficult between a rock and a hard place situation agreed, but telling someone and actually doing so are different issues.   I have wanted to die in the past but only because of the physical pain and mental anquish - I equate it with wanting to sleep until the pain goes away.

Because of added anxiety I could not have anyone here, I didn't want to speak on the 'phone nor open envelopes because letters would then require answering.  Panic set in immediately the mail arrived 

A pot of flowers with a little note 'thinking of you' might be more appropriate?  so that your sister doesn't have to use energy she probably doesn't possess putting water into a vase and sorting out flowers - more likely to go into the bin  . 

Try to speak with your nephew often.  There is support for relatives of those diagnosed with manic depression, MIND charity or local hospital probably have details if the GP Surgery doesn't.  The sooner he speaks to their GP the better for him.  Remind him that this isn't a 'fault' and that he must continue with his own social life.  That staying at home watching his Mum won't alter the outcome should she decide to harm herself, but by the sounds of what you have explained, she is more likely to vegetate in what she probably feels is a 'safe' place.

[lesley998]

Again...thank you.  Great advice which I will take.
x

[CLKD]

That's OK.  You have enough on your plate ..... 

[lesley998]

Have not posted for ages, but felt I needed to post again.

My lovely sister committed suicide two weeks ago.

Please please, if, you know any one who is struggling with mental health issues, please take action before it is too late.  I am not sure what we could have done for her, but if I could turn back time I would.

Sweet pea

[Taz2]

I'm so sorry to read this sweet pea. People can be very determined when they want to end their life and I am sure that you did all you could. Although it may be little comfort at the moment she is at peace now and released from whatever tormented her.

Taz x 

[lesley998]

Thanks taz.  Am at her house at the moment, surrounded by her stuff.  Trying to make sense of it all, looking after my nephew...trying to deal with care for husband and my father.  Just taking time out on laptop. It all feels unreal...like life should not go on.

[Taz2]

I don't know whether you have heard of SOBS but you may find some help on their site when you are ready http://www.uk-sobs.org.uk/index.htm 

Taz x