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[Pennyfarthing]

Hello Pennyfarthing and sparkle.

Thank you for your comments. Hopefully something will be sorted out for MIL soon, I will keep you posted.

Sparkle -  thanks for the hug. I think everyone on this thread needs one of those including  the elderly relatives themselves.

Take care all.

K.

There are thousands of us out there Kathleen!  just tonight I was talking on the phone to a girl I grew up with and who has cared for her elderly parent for years.  First she nursed her Mum for several years and her Dad was going downhill too. Mum died and then she nursed her dad for years.  When she got to 60 she was still working part time while doing this and she was offered retirement which she took and that lasted her until She  got her state pension when she reached 63. 

I have to wait until I'm 65 to get mine so a couple more years yet and in the meantime there's no chance of anybody employing me as who in their right mind would take on someone who is always taking time off to go to appointments, meetings, caring roles etc?

[Pennyfarthing]

Horrible morning! Had to meet male nurse at Mums re her Alzheimer's. He was lovely and that was OK. Mums carer had been in and she seemed quite bright.  Half way through the meeting the kitchen door opened ... we were in the lounge and my brother bellowed through something about Mums paper. No cheery greeting, no showing his face, no introductions 

Mum called that she didn't need a paper as I had brought it.  He then bellows "bloody waste of time me coming then." And stomps off banging the door.   Mum had tried to ring him last night to tell him this and he hadn't answered the phone. He comes about 3 miles in his car and has to come anyway because he needs our local shop.

The male nurse looked horrified and I felt so sorry for poor Mum.

[Scampi]

PF, I know you will feel bad (I felt bad about my brother's behaviour for years), but neither you nor your mum have anything to feel guilty about.  Your brother is an adult and responsible for his own behaviour.  And believe me - the nurse will have seen much worse before.  His horrified look was probably more shock/surprise that a woman as caring as you could have such a heartless sibling.  The nurse will be supportive of you as well as your mum - talk to him about the issues you have with your brothers and their attitude to your mum (out of earshot of your mum) - he needs the full picture to be able to give you the best support.

[Pennyfarthing]

PF, I know you will feel bad (I felt bad about my brother's behaviour for years), but neither you nor your mum have anything to feel guilty about.  Your brother is an adult and responsible for his own behaviour.  And believe me - the nurse will have seen much worse before.  His horrified look was probably more shock/surprise that a woman as caring as you could have such a heartless sibling.  The nurse will be supportive of you as well as your mum - talk to him about the issues you have with your brothers and their attitude to your mum (out of earshot of your mum) - he needs the full picture to be able to give you the best support.

Aww thank you Scampi that is so kind of you.  I feel I have enough on my plate organising everything without having to put up with this and it's horrible for Mum too. Xx

[CLKD]

Maybe get your Mum to keep all her doors locked?

[Pennyfarthing]

Maybe get your Mum to keep all her doors locked?

That would never work. We all have a key and there's also a key in the safe outside.

[Pennyfarthing]

Mum very confused tonight. Apparently she is fed up with everybody using her house as a doss house! She says all her books have been moved on her bookcase and either all put upside down or half pulled out.  I was there yesterday and that wasn't the case!  She doesn't know who is doing it but it's very annoying she says and she can't sort all that mess out herself.

Also the doctor called to see her and she thinks he is trying to make her go in a home. That's not the case at all and I told her he wouldn't do that and it was her choice to stay at home.  He has also told her not to use the new walking stick the OT brought her last week. I don't believe that either. 

Each day now she's different and a bit more confused but she starts her medication next Monday so we will see if that helps.  TBH I can see a care home on the horizon if she gets much worse and I will be so glad when that POA comes through and I can make decisions on her behalf.  Every single night I go to bed worrying that she's going to fall or hurt herself and I know she's lonely but she made me laugh just now. She said the GP asked her if she was lonely and she said "I told him I wasn't" I asked how come yesterday she told me she didn't want me to leave as it was a long day by herself. She said "oh I tell him anything. I also told him I forgot to put my bunion pad on TODAY " she hasn't worn them since about July!! 

[CLKD]

Does she have a urine infection 

[Pennyfarthing]

Does she have a urine infection 

No. it's the dementia.

[CLKD]

Wonder why it's 'suddenly' become apparent?

[Elizabethrose]

Pennyfarthing, a low lying or indeed any infection, particularly urine infections, will cause a sudden increase in dementia symptoms and confusion. The sudden deterioration can be quite shocking. You may already have experience of this but as CLKD suggested, it's worth keeping an eye on.

[bramble]

My friend with dementia has days where I can get no sense at all from them. Just the nature of this terrible disease. Other days we manage a more or less ordinary conversation.  Within limits.

Bramble

[Pennyfarthing]

Pennyfarthing, a low lying or indeed any infection, particularly urine infections, will cause a sudden increase in dementia symptoms and confusion. The sudden deterioration can be quite shocking. You may already have experience of this but as CLKD suggested, it's worth keeping an eye on.

It's been suggested to me on here before but both times her urine was tested and it was fine. She seems to have these big dips in her behaviour every so often and in between isn't too bad. REmember the sock saga?

[bramble]

Pain of any kind also totally knocks them for six. Also being tired. And they get really tired through the simplest of things - changes in routine or something new, takes a long time for them to process and it just seems to use up any mental capacity they have so they have nothing left over for stringing together a conversation.

Bramble

[CLKD]

Yep.  Mum reacts badly to any alteration in her quite strict routine.  She gets angry at me though  .

Pennyfarthing - has your Mum's urine sample been sent to a Lab.?  A dipstick in the Surgery isn't ENOUGH!!!! and because it was 'clear' previously, it could be mentioned this time, in case.