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[Taz2]

Lovely news Ju Ju. Really pleased for your mum and for you!

Taz x

[SadLynda]

Great news Ju Ju.

Just thought I would join this one too, though I feel a bit of a fraud as the parents are not 'that bad' to care for really.  They are both in their late 70's now, and as I just read can often also think the world is to revolve around them.  My Mum is disabled now due to her crumbled bones and has heart problems, but refuses to ever go to hospital again.  Dad has recovered from Prostate cancer but has a few other ailments going on too, but rarely does anything about it, he seems to get more doddery each day too.  I only live ten mins or so away from them so do a lot of the caring stuff, and receive the daily ear bashings

[CLKD]

However: it may be worth while searching out the various agencies in the area SadLynda and seeing if the would be amiable to a visit by Social Services to see what they are entitled to regards aids around their property  which will enable them.

Is your Mum's heart problem monitored by the GP then ? 

[Dulciana]

That's really good news, Ju Ju. 

Just to digress, does anyone else have an elderly parent who keeps leaving the phone off the hook?  I do.  Part of me is sure he'll be okay, while the other part of me needs to make sure he is.   So I end up driving round and making a daughterly fuss, sometimes to Dad's irritation.   It's irritating and worrying at the same time     

Oh, I know it's probably me being meno-worried, but I can never go to bed at night without knowing he's fine. 

[Taz2]

My mum and dad used to do that too Dulciana. As they lived 150 miles away I frequently had to enlist the help of a neighbour to make sure they were ok.

Taz x

[honeybun]

I was going to suggest the same. My mothers neighbours will knock on the door and tell her to hang up the phone.
It's happened countless times. Does he have an alert system or carers.....I know this sounds awful but if we don't hear from carers we know things are ok.
 It's when mother calls in the middle of the night....she thinks she has picked up her alarm clock but has picked up the phone and called me or my sister. We then end up at her door in the wee small hours only to find her snoring.
We have been there and left and she has been blissfully unaware 

Sis is two mins away....I am half an hour...driving in pyjamas is not a good look.

Honeyb
X

[Taz2]

The pyjama look would have been an improvement on any middle-of-the-night rescue mission I might have undertaken - I don't wear any!!! 

Taz x

[honeybun]

God grief.... Couldn't drive like that......Sod's law...I would be pulled over.

Not sure what the offence would be ...but it would be expensive 


Honeyb
X

[CLKD]

After a while a phone left off the hook emits a loud buzz or bleep and eventually an operator will check to see if the phone is off or whether the person is speaking ……..

Maybe he wants peace and quiet Dulciana?  Does he get many irritating cold calls, maybe that's the way to approach it?  Have a moan about how many cold call you get and that you might leave the phone off for a while ……..

[SadLynda]

Thanks CLKD - my parents will not complete the 'many' forms I have got them for any help.  They refuse to have anybody 'poking into their business'.  So its just me, and sometimes my daughter when she is well enough.

Yes, mine are good at leaving the phone off too.

[CLKD]

So take a step back? otherwise you will, like many ladies on here, be drawn into a caring role at a time when you need to look after yourself!  Find out the info for you, then sit back.  I live miles from our family so Mum has had to engage with local services.  She tells me that she doesn't want me 'wasting my time looking after her' but she has Narcissitic Behaviour Disorder, however, I took her at her word.  She now uses the local bus/taxi service and doses herself with cold remedies as and when.

If I were to suggest that she instigate 'care' in any form even a chiropodist she flies off the handle 

[honeybun]

My mother would not hear the loud noise that the phone makes when it's off the hook and even if she did here it she wouldn't have a clue what it was 

If they refuse help then there is nothing you can do. My mother need more help than she currently gets.....a carer morning and evening....but she refuses....so she just has to struggle on because my sister and I simply can't do anymore than we do.

I have told my sister that I will not do overnight stays now....not at any point so mother would have to pay for overnight care if she needed it. Mother also knows this.

I do what I can but I know it's taking its toll on my health but I will carry on as long as I am able. Can't say fairer than that.

I would echo what CLKD says though. Don't take anything on that you are not prepared to do long term.....that's what's happened to me and once you start it it's impossible to step away.


Honeyb
X

[CLKD]

More carers die before those they care for 

[honeybun]

I've said this before....but my mother will see the rest of the family off....probably out of spite 

I am a work in progress but as I walk away from her house I try to forget her problems, otherwise it can be all consuming.
You have been very lucky with your mums health so far and long may it continue.


Honeyb
X

[CLKD]

I know.  That's why, despite anxiety since she suggested in April us all going out to celebrate this month, we are going  .

But as she has said over and over that she doesn't 'want to be a nuisance', I will make sure that she isn't - at least not to me  !  She has 'friends' close to her who so far have picked up when necessary.  The Paramedics are supportive in that area and she has been with the Surgery since the late 1950s.  She's involved with Church and Chapel - hedging her bets then