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[flushtered]

Best wishes to you and your mum for Monday grandy.  If she likes the company of other people and will enjoy activities, she'll be fine.

[Pennyfarthing]

Good luck Grandy.  I'm sure it will take several days for her to give an opinion, especially with her mobility and sight probs.  Fingers crossed hey?

[CLKD]

Mum passed on a hint yesterday: those using duvets or sleeping bags over their knees when sitting should warm the extra layer first: over a radiator, on the airing tank or with a hot water bottle.  This way the heat from the person isn't spent up warming the extra layer.

[grandy]

Well a quick update. Took Mum to the home on Monday. The room was lovely, Mum was very positive and all was well. My sister and I stayed for some time with her then went home congratulating one another on how well it had all gone. At 7pm the phone rang - it was the home saying Mum was distressed. She came on the phone sobbing, saying she couldn't stay and wanted to go home. Hubbt and I rushed down. Luckily it is only two minutes away. We spent a lot of time settling her. She seemed to be having a panic attack. She eventually agreed to stay overnight and give it a chance.
This afternoon I went to visit and spoke to the person in charge. She said Mum was miserable and felt that there was no-one at her level who she could speak to. I did notice when I went in that most of them were either sleeping or staring into space. I asked her opinion and she said she agreed with Mum. So I took Mum up to her room, comforted her, went home for a suitcase, returned with it to pack and took Mum home to my house. I have to say the staff were lovely. Absolutely the kind of people who you would want to have looking after your elderly Mum. I just think the circumstances were wrong. Cuddles all round when she left. So Mum is now back home. We plan to take her to her GP to address her problems which we now think are panic attacks and depression and hopefully she will be happier to stay on her own for a while longer. Feeling very stressed tonight!

[purplenanny]

Oh gosh grandy, what a traumatic time for you all. I hope the GP is able to help. PN x x

[Pennyfarthing]

Well a quick update. Took Mum to the home on Monday. The room was lovely, Mum was very positive and all was well. My sister and I stayed for some time with her then went home congratulating one another on how well it had all gone. At 7pm the phone rang - it was the home saying Mum was distressed. She came on the phone sobbing, saying she couldn't stay and wanted to go home. Hubbt and I rushed down. Luckily it is only two minutes away. We spent a lot of time settling her. She seemed to be having a panic attack. She eventually agreed to stay overnight and give it a chance.
This afternoon I went to visit and spoke to the person in charge. She said Mum was miserable and felt that there was no-one at her level who she could speak to. I did notice when I went in that most of them were either sleeping or staring into space. I asked her opinion and she said she agreed with Mum. So I took Mum up to her room, comforted her, went home for a suitcase, returned with it to pack and took Mum home to my house. I have to say the staff were lovely. Absolutely the kind of people who you would want to have looking after your elderly Mum. I just think the circumstances were wrong. Cuddles all round when she left. So Mum is now back home. We plan to take her to her GP to address her problems which we now think are panic attacks and depression and hopefully she will be happier to stay on her own for a while longer. Feeling very stressed tonight!

Oh Grandy - that is such a shame.  I am wondering whether there are any befriending services in your area.  My friend used to be a volunteer befriender for elderly peope and she was lovely.  She just used to go and have a chat and a cup of tea and her people used to really benefit from her visits.  Although most of them had some family you end up talking about the same stuff and with Jan they talked about all sorts of things.  Check this out with Age UK.  It will tell you on their site.    Chin up!

[ariadne]

Oh Grandy, how distressing for all of you 

ariadne xx

[Trey]

How kind f you to be sensitive to your mum's needs.

[CLKD]

Your Mum gave it a trial and it didn't work.  Not the right place right now.  I expect too that she could see where she might 'be' herself eventually if the others are not communicating etc..

Hopefully the GP can ease the anxiety etc..

[Limpy]

Grandy what a shame.
As CLKD says, maybe the GP can help with the anxiety.

[Cazikins]

My Mum was diagnosed with vascular dimentia too Grandy, it is a very sad thing to witness.
My Mum went into an EMI nursing home & it took her ages to get settled & dare I say it.... it was the drugs they gave Mum that "calmed" her down, she was like a zombie most days we visited her. It broke my heart.
You have done something that I wished I could/should have done, as she ended up asleep most days when we visited.

As Penny says, get Age Concern & Age UK involved as much as you can & re-access in a few months time.

Good Luck.

Cazi xx

[flushtered]

It's not been the right place for her grandy, surprised the residents were like that in a residential home as their needs are not usually as great as ones who need to go to a nursing home - you did the right thing though.  Hopefully like you said, it might make her happier again in her own home.  You take care.

[grandy]

Thank you all for your kind replies. At the moment Mum is living in sheltered housing. Age Concern have a day care centre near Mum and she goes there four days a week so we are already involved with them.

I was also surprised that the residents were like that in a residential home. The carer in the home said to me that 10 years ago they had lots of ladies like Mum - a bit of dementia, lonely and not really coping coming in for the company but now with "Care in the Community" people are not going into homes until they are much further down the line. I think there will come a time when Mum will have to go in and I think we will look at the homes in a different light now.

Cazi- I think that is probably how Mum would have ended up had we left her. I do feel that she is a bit at risk living on her own now but when I think of the person Mum was before her dementia - feisty and self-opinionated!!! I think she would prefer to be slightly at risk and living her own live and we will let her do that as long as we can although I am aware that we may be heading back to a home at some point.

[CLKD]

Have you looked through several places?  Depression in old age is common, sometimes goes unrecognised.  I know if I'm bored I sleep ..... pity they couldn't 'match' your Mum with another brightly person 

[honeybun]

I visited more care homes than I care to remember when my step father was alive. He went in for regular respite care to give my mum a rest. I have never been in one that did not smell of wee and had all the old people sat in chairs staring into space. It was so sad to see. Although my step father was physically frail he was mentally fine and it drove him nuts.

I suspect that my mother is not 100% safe living on her own but like you Grandy I would rather she lived at home and took the risk. She is a little vague sometimes but thats it. Again its physical frailness with her.

We are lucky in Scotland that we have free personal care for our elderly. At the moment mum has carers every morning to make her a cuppa and some toast and open curtains etc. They even let the dog out. Three times a week they come back and supervise her shower. We can up the care to four times a day if we need to.

I hope your mum gets the help that she needs. No matter what, you are doing your best, and as I say to my mum when she worries about things.....one day at a time.

Honeyb
x